We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Alicia Shumaker a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Alicia, thrilled to have you on the platform as I think our readers can really benefit from your insights and experiences. In particular, we’d love to hear about how you think about burnout, avoiding or overcoming burnout, etc.
To be honest, I work constantly to avoid burnout as a single working mom.
Historically, I’ve been the QUEEN of taking on more than I should. I wanted to be in all the places, with all the people, doing all the impactful things, all at once. I would take on a charity event and a massive business goal and a birthday bash for my kids and a new business plan with a business partner – all in the same calendar month. I’d do all the steps, until my mind and body literally tanked. I’d hit the wall, spend months feeling like a failure for not being able to complete all the tasks I wanted to to make EVERY SINGLE THING PERFECT…and then rinse and repeat. It was a sick cycle I had honed for decades.
Staying overly busy allowed me to disconnect from things that I wanted to avoid, like my own mental health struggles and a crumbling marriage. I thought, deep down, that if I could do all these things – if I could just be the perfect mom and wife and philanthropist and entrepreneur – I would be worthy of time and attention I desperately needed and wanted. And each time I hit the wall felt like a reminder that I wasn’t good enough – I wasn’t worthy enough. That I was no valuable because I couldn’t be everything to everyone. I was willing to sacrifice myself for the greater good of those that I cared about – at any cost.
As I made the hard transition to being a single working mom, traversing a divorce, living on my own, and relying solely on my own business for all income (goodbye safety net!), I started to see myself headed directly for that same wall again. I needed my kids to be ok, I needed my business to thrive, I needed to protect my own mental health…I couldn’t risk another collapse from burnout. Not with so much on the line this time.
I started to really watch myself for when I felt too heavy or lethargic or demotivated to function. I prioritized my activities, focusing on myself and my kids first, business and team second, and the rest of the world at the very end. The biggest learning: I have limited capacity – not just in time, but also in mental load. I created hacks that work for me – despite what I was “supposed” to do. I realized:
I don’t “morning” well, but if I can wake up slowly, enjoy hot coffee, and not sprint out the door, I’m more functional and motivated throughout the day. Sometimes that means I take an hour to myself to drink enjoy that hot coffee after the kids are at school. Sometimes that means taking a nap in the afternoon when I HAVE to get up early (or every afternoon…lets be honest). And usually that means I’m not “working” until at least 9:30 unless absolutely necessary.
I can’t multitask and expect things to be good. I need dedicated time for tasks – and accountability (especially when it’s things that aren’t my favorite tasks!).
I can’t take on the world all at once. I need to decide not only what I have capacity for, but what I WANT to do. My life and businesses are not in a checklist of how things are “supposed” to be – I can decide what things I take on without guilt or shame from anyone on what I’m working on.
I will never be perfect, nor will the things I create or work on. They don’t need to be – and I have to accept that I am not superhuman. I cannot run through the wall – I will only run into it.
And finally, I need to REST. This was the hardest one for me. Not only as a recovering perfectionist, but as a classic overachiever. I treated my life and my body as a shark: if I stopped swimming, I’d die. I’d fail if I wasn’t constantly pushing. I didn’t stop to enjoy or look around or celebrate or even BREATHE. But, as I was first living on my own, and as I was navigating what it meant to divorce and be alone – there were days where the only thing I could do was get kids to school. Or move from the bed to the couch. I NEEDED the rest and the grief and the break to let myself feel, process, and move forward. And sometimes that meant leaning on my tribe to help me. It meant leaving so much to my team while I sat on the sidelines some days (or even some weeks) of barely handling emails. It meant phoning a friend when I was sad or struggling and showing my “weakness” and exhaustion. It meant some days ordering pizza or allowing a friend deliver groceries for me so I could just BE and not starve.
Here’s the problem with burnout (and divorce too, really) – there’s not really an “overcome,” or “recovered.” There’s not a medication or a quick fix and it all disappears (although wouldn’t THAT be nice!) I’m constantly aware of my FOMO and wanting to fill the voids with #allthethings, especially when big emotions are involved (and those keep creeping up as I navigate my new “normal”). I actively watch for these signs – of speeding up and taking it all on and trying to run straight through that wall again. I catch myself sometimes – and sometimes my tribe calls me out on it. But with my own knowledge of how I function; knowing my signs of heading toward burnout; focusing on living as my most authentic, messy, awkward life; and allowing people to see those old “weaknesses” I used to hide and allowing them to love and support me anyway…Burnout is much easier to prevent. I’m not saying I’ll never slip up – but I’m trying!
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
I like to consider myself a “professional connector.”
I’m the owner and founder of Flamingo Consulting LLC – a digital marketing agency, based here in Grand Rapids. We specialize in customized digital marketing plans – from social media management, to digital ads, to web design and SEO. We love our “non-cookie cutter approach” to digital marketing – finding creative ways to support small business owners in reaching new audiences and customers. Everything we do is non-traditional: our culture, hours, team, program design, and even our own personal styles. We focus on connecting “human brands” to the humans that need them.
I’m a Business Plan coach – helping aspiring business owners to create an ideal business plan that allows them to seek funding. Having written dozens of them over the years for myself and others, it only seemed fitting to not only connect other people who dream of their own businesses with the resources, but also the CONNECTIONS to institutions that can support their big dreams
I’m also a Co-Founder of Kaleidoscope Affect – a women-only leadership event company. Our events are meant to allow women to connect on a deeper level – we want to know people more rather than know more people. Through monthly connection events, quarterly retreats, “migrations” to conferences across the country, and a yearly “Bask” to celebrate our wins, we create spaces that allow women at all levels of life and career to come together and find support, celebration, and common ground.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
This is a hard one! I think there’s so many things that played into surviving and thriving along this journey!
1) Empathy – I think I never would have been able to snap out of my own destructive patterns if I hadn’t been able to see what the impact was on the people I cared about. By seeing what I was doing – and what I was TEACHING my kids – I knew that I needed to make changes, and I needed to find healthier ways of coping with those big emotions that were coming through, both past and present. I didn’t want to see my kids doing these same super-human wall-running-and-crashing feats that I was doing. And I couldn’t imagine the pain of seeing them feel unworthy if they weren’t ALWAYS hustling or pushing or driving forward.
2) Resilience – This has been a HELL of a season. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, although I know recognize that sometimes endings are necessary. Yes – I rested. And some days I could barely function when I was in burnout. BUT, each day, I came back and asked myself what I could do that day. Somedays, it was move from bed to couch. Some days it was deal with emails. Some days it was all the meetings and all the plans and all the adventures. But I allowed myself the opportunity to ask myself the next day – I was always willing to hold out for sunnier days.
3) Ability to recognize great humans – because let’s be clear: in my case, my burnout was caused by feeling isolated and continuing to isolate myself. I needed to run alone to show value and worthiness from the masses. As I began to recognize this – I knew it meant surrounding myself with a tribe who will not only support and love on me when I can’t support and love myself…but also call me out when I start dipping back into those old patterns. It meant sometimes connecting with someone, not knowing how and why I want them around, but following my gut and the energy of a person. Some of my greatest partnerships and friendships have been driven by “I don’t know what we’re going to do, but we’re going to do something AMAZING together!”
As far as advice – here’s the best I can provide:
See how your patterns are being reflected in others (especially if they’re learning from you)
Know that the sun will rise tomorrow – and so should you. You are amazing and worth offering another chance to tomorrow
Find your tribe – even if they’re not what you had originally expected them to be.
I’m still a work in progress, but with these three tools, I know I’ll only continue to grow and improve as I rebuild my new life.
One of our goals is to help like-minded folks with similar goals connect and so before we go we want to ask if you are looking to partner or collab with others – and if so, what would make the ideal collaborator or partner?
ALWAYS. I’m ALWAYS looking for great humans.
To be clear – I want all the people. I’m looking for folks further along than me in life and business to learn from…people who I can support as they trek their own new paths…people looking for authentic connection…businesses looking for more support than they’re getting now…people who don’t know what they’re looking for but feel SOMETHING from this stream of consciousness.
Connect with me in any way you please – see me at a Kaleidoscope Affect event, drop me a DM, shoot me an email…just take that step to reach me. I’m here – and I’m dying to meet and celebrate you!
Contact Info:
- Website: www.flamingoconsultingllc.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/flockherway/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FlockHerWay
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alicia-shumaker/
- Other: Check out Kaleidoscope Affect: https://kaleidoscope-affect.com/
Image Credits
FemPro Business Society Revo Media The Unfiltered Collective
