We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Brian Stefan a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Brian, so great to have you sharing your thoughts and wisdom with our readers and so let’s jump right into one of our favorite topics – empathy. We think a lack of empathy is at the heart of so many issues the world is struggling with and so our hope is to contribute to an environment that fosters the development of empathy. Along those lines, we’d love to hear your thoughts around where your empathy comes from?
By far the most rewarding and empathy enhancing experience of my adult life has been working at a 24/7 suicide prevention hotline. This experience – and the excellent training program associated with the volunteer role – completely change how I view other people’s suffering and my own. Prior to working at the hotline, I thought that I could help people by “figuring out” what was wrong with their situation and giving my advice, often unsolicited. Through listening to people’s deep suffering and resisting the urge to cheer them up or find a “fix,” I discovered that my empathy comes from curiosity and humility. As crisis counselors we are in a sacred position to listen to people’s heartbreak and difficulties and ask questions that come from a genuine place of caring. Whereas in other parts of society my questions would be nosey or prying, at the hotline I could follow my curiosity and compassion. Likewise, I did my best to remember that I did not know more than the callers and that humility was the best way to approach any topic. These two qualities – curiosity and humility – helped my tremendously and still help me every time I pick up the phone for someone in need.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
I am proud to share that our InsightLA weekly Mindfulness and Deep Suffering Practice & Affinity Group has been running for more than three years and we are not planning on stopping anytime soon. All are welcome (online).
We also have a monthly in-person grief retreats (half-day and day-long) that we are holding in Benedict Canyon. All are welcome.
https://insightla.org/event/in-person-moving-together-through-the-grief-journey-practice-group/
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
1. Embracing the role of a life-long student 2. Being serious AND silly (and having a sense of the moment)
3. Asking for help (even when it’s hard)
Advice: Find someone trustworthy and kind with whom you can “think out loud,” and before you begin let them know if you want their feedback at the end or if you just want them to listen and validate/acknowledge what you’ve said.
Alright, so before we go we want to ask you to take a moment to reflect and share what you think you would do if you somehow knew you only had a decade of life left?
Procrastination!
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.spotlightonsuicide.com/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/brian-stefan-los-angeles/
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLGN1kjApUDeQKrRyzJ7B4-J42iZxsBGMY
- Other: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL55YKzehYqPoDPNDsguXdRuvY60AS1w5c
