Meet Hunter Barnes

We recently connected with Hunter Barnes and have shared our conversation below.

Hunter , we’re so excited for our community to get to know you and learn from your journey and the wisdom you’ve acquired over time. Let’s kick things off with a discussion on self-confidence and self-esteem. How did you develop yours?
I chuckled a bit reading this topic because truthfully I never considered myself to be particularly confident. However, when I look back at the path I chose, experiences that have led me to where I am and decisions I have made along the way, I realize I must have confidence. I was never any good at school, never dreamed of “who I wanted to be when I grew up” or felt I had any particular “calling”. I tease my parents about their reaction when I told them I was going to college. Slight gut punch realizing they were surprised by my new found ambition (frankly not as surprised as I was) but nonetheless, I had decided I would find something to be passionate about. I won’t lie and say it came easy, I struggled to find it and after a transfer, three career path changes and a major failure, I figured it out little by little. Confidence, for me, is what was born as a result of failure. It was realizing that I could do hard things, that I could get back up and I could thrive in the midst of the unknown. Like most, I continued to grow as a result of challenges which in turn built the confidence I would one day need to take a chance on myself. And, I’ll be honest, there isn’t such a thing as “overcoming” imposter syndrome or having total and complete confidence in all things. If you are not scared in some capacity, is it worth it?
At 30 years old I have done many things I didn’t think I could or would ever do. I have failed miserably but I have also succeeded due to my failures – that is where my confidence was developed. I will never walk into something thinking that I have it all figured out or that failure isn’t an option because in my opinion failure is a necessity. When I decided to quit my job, take the risk and bet on myself I was instantly filled with doubt, fear and anxiousness. That is a GOOD thing! It challenges me, it motivates me and it pushes me to prove to myself that I can do it, even if sometimes I mess up. There is a quote I live by, “if you can’t BEAT fear, do it scared..” -Glennon Doyle Melton
There is always opportunity to build confidence and self-esteem, you just have to be willing to do the hard things in order to experience the gain.

Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
I am a licensed clinical social worker and own a private practice providing individual mental health therapy to adults. I opened my private practice about a year ago as I was simultaneously working a full time job (also in mental health). It is always very interesting to me looking back on the path that got me to where I am today. I originally thought I would be a nurse, then considered Gerontology and then was certain I would be an ASL interpreter. It wasn’t until a big failure that required me to regroup and explore other passions. I found Social Work in the midst of one of the toughest moments in my life and in a sense it saved me. The thought of how happy I am waking up every morning doing something that I love brings tears to my eyes. I am certain that I am doing what I was put here on this earth to do and because of that I found myself doing something I never thought would be possible for me. Opening a private practice at my age and career stage isn’t common as we (mental health professionals) were often told in school that we “wouldn’t be able to do that until we are older and much more seasoned” or “you won’t make any money, it will be too hard to be successful..” A lot of us are learning that just simply isn’t true and we are breaking out of the norm, taking risks, we are succeeding and we are making big impact! I am so thankful to have the opportunity to play just a small role in helping people heal. I am honored to get to walk alongside people as they experience some of life’s challenges. I will be opening my books full time in the new year and I just couldn’t be more excited!

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
While there are far more than three, the most important qualities/skills that I find to be pertinent are self-care, boundaries and meeting people where they are. Part of being a human is acknowledging your “human-ness”. I know we have all heard it a million times, “If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to take care of others..” We have heard it because it’s true and we are living examples of what can happen when we don’t love ourselves enough to put our own needs at the top of the priority list. If I never took a break, exercised, loved on my pup, journaled, got enough sleep, spent time in quiet, or traveled, I would not be able to effectively and meaningfully do what I do for a living. YOU are important and I cannot stress that enough. Second, boundaries with yourself and others. It is okay to say “no” to those plans, it is okay to take a mental health day, it is okay to let go of relationships that no longer give you peace, and it is okay to change your mind. Those who don’t like your boundaries are likely those who are not benefiting from them. Third, our human nature is to want things our way, for people to act the way we think they should and make decisions we would make ourselves. What will make you successful in working with others is realizing that they are whole individual people who need to make mistakes and have their own individual lived experiences in order to grow and learn. Meeting people where they are without judgement and without expectation will not only make you a much happier version of yourself but it will offer an opportunity to make meaningful and life changing connections.

How did you overcome imposter syndrome?
I have found myself facing imposter syndrome since making the decision to move into private practice full time. While I know it is a natural and in my opinion health experience – it can be crippling. I have found myself in moments of intense doubt, my thoughts will spiral and I will start to engage in negative self talk. Imposter syndrome will have you thinking you’re not enough, I will start to having thought like “Who do you think you are?” What makes you think you can be success at this?” “Are you smart enough?” “What if you’re terrible and worse, fail someone else?” This can be overwhelming so what I have found helpful has been 1) calling it out as it comes, giving it space to life and breathe instead of suffocating it. 2) talk it out – don’t sit in your own misery, trust someone to help comb out your thoughts and speak truth into your life. 3) BREATH, slow down and engage coping strategies/self-care. Use your past as proof to challenge your anxious thoughts. 4) Shift your perspective, use this perceived weakness and make it a strength. If I am experiencing imposter syndrome it means I care, it means that I am willing to go the extra mile to do the hard thing and it means that it’s worth it.

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Image Credits
Lindy Barcellona

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