We were lucky to catch up with Sonja Montiel recently and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Sonja, thanks for sharing your insights with our community today. Part of your success, no doubt, is due to your work ethic and so we’d love if you could open up about where you got your work ethic from?
So many people ask me “Sonja how do you do all the things? And how do you do all the things well!?”
My relationship with time management has been a pretty good one. Since I was young I loved using clocks and timers to see how much I could get done. Time just energized me.
I can’t give myself all the credit though. At the age of 8, my father would have to leave for work before my twin sister and I left for school beginning in second grade. As a mechanic, he used his creativity and resources to ensure that we would safely get to school on time.
“Girls, when you see the minute hand hit the 5, I will call you. You will pick up precisely after the second ring.”
I remember looking at the black sticky electrical tape that marked the clocked. I knew that seeing the piece of tape and my reliable father’s precision of time made me feel…safe.
The more I understood time, the more it became a game for me as a child. I saw it as a challenge to get what I wanted done under the time I set. And I always wanted to feel proud of what was accomplished too. This form of a game helped me develop the habit of pretty amazing time management skills. Time management is simply a game for me.
But it’s not always a game, right? As a mom of two, an entrepreneur, a soccer coach and person who loves to serve the community, the game was getting challenging. The list of things was overflowing and my imaginary of where the electrical tape should be placed was hitting every minute mark. I was feeling overwhelmed.
I revisited my list of things and realized those things were influencing how I felt and reacted throughout my day. I was letting this list become my compass each day. This list was running the show and determining how I should feel about my worth. Hmmm…Once I understood this, I knew that I needed something else.
And I found it.
I have designed my personal office in my mind. It’s a very large room with little furniture. I sit in a dark blue velvet desk chair and have a beautiful large wood desk. There’s several plants throughout the office and only two velvet blue chairs on the other side of the desk. Now why it’s the design I see and just described, it just popped up. Design isn’t my thing and I am thinking that what I just shared (so clearly in my mind by the way) is a contribution of books I read, movies I watched, and colors and materials I just like.
My office door is closed and there is a line of all the things that need to get done in a day. I see them as employees; each one works for me either personally, socially or professionally They support how I want to design my quality of life. I have intentionally placed them in a position where each thing, each request, each errand, each task needs to ask for permission to enter my office. They do not drive my decisions but instead help me make better decisions.
Sitting at my imaginary desk, I look at the list and select just two items (remember they are people to me) to enter my office. I then have the door closed so that it’s quiet. I am letting these two things know that they have my complete attention.
Each one sits in their assigned blue velvet chair and I work to complete their tasks really well.
In the morning, it might be to review a newsletter draft for detailed feedback and drive my daughter to school.
Later on, it might be attending a meeting with complete focus and reviewing the action steps carefully after that meeting.
It’s a mix of personal and work, family and friends, because my life blends between all my people and places.
Mindfully seeing how I control my daily list has converted my overwhelm to empowerment. I practice giving myself grace and forgiveness, as well as celebration when each task is complete is very intentional. I honor the time, energy and action that each task needs. By the way, this is all the work I have learned and now coach through the DH Effect.
Some days, I sit quietly in my imaginary office in stillness, letting the silence fill this large room so that I can respond the way I need to. Sure, there might be times that an extra task sneaks in or that the knocking of the door is loud and bending the door; however the boundaries I created helps me acknowledge how I am letting these requests influence my day and gives me control on how I would like to respond.
So yeah…I can do a lot in a day. And sometimes I might do just one thing. But no matter the day, the time, the people or the place, I commit to each thing with the intention to feel proud of my investment of time.
Oh and I make sure to water my plants in that imaginary office space once in while too.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
The merge is happening. Being an educational consultant, working alongside teens and their families, for over 22 years, I have witnessed the negative effects of people trying to thrive in a hyper-achieving society – they aren’t thriving but instead just surviving. Mindsets and decisions are driven by “being enough”, and young people and families are willing to sacrifice too much for achievement with no promises. Increased cases of emotional and mental health concerns, sleep deprivation, financial debt and an acceptance of living with ongoing stress is happening too often. Although I will continue to provide educational services, my priority as a consultant requires that people begin with understanding their intention and digging deep to acknowledge who they are and how they contribute, no matter the place, people or thing.
This shift in priorities led to the opportunity to cofound The (Decided Heart) DH Effect with partner Hilary Bilbrey and Dr. Katya Armistead. Through my own virtue work, I developed personally and professionally in profound ways. My sense of ownership and accountability to myself became consistent, I celebrated more than judged myself on a daily basis, and my relationships became intimately meaningful and genuine.
The DH Effect offers:
– individual membership for personal growth
– cohorts designed for parents, leadership, and educators
– corporate “people” trainings and programs designed for sustainable change
– educational consulting for people of all ages looking to design their educational path and increase their skillsets
For every offering listed above, we curate educational experiences that help people, teams, families, organizations and companies thrive by design.
Check out our website for fun in person events coming soon! If you are an organization and company looking to elevate your people culture and keep your talent, schedule a discovery call with us!
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
Learning about education, business and people-culture theories came much more quickly when I truly embraced these three virtues (adapted from the Virtues Project):
Courage
Not letting fear dictate your choices, even if it is hard.
Creativity
Using imagination to do or see things in a new or beautiful way.
Commitment
Being all in on a decision, personal relationship, goal or belief, without holding back.
I grew up as a hyper-achieving person, being the human “doing” rather than the human “being”. I loved checking off the to-do lists with pride! I was pretty good at it too. However, this habit created an inner voice that my worth was dependent on my task lists. While I did achieve success, I was not living a fulfilled and happy life. I had work to do, and it started with virtues training that led to the development of The DH Effect.
If you are about to make a change in your life whether that’s personally or professionally, my guidance to you is to not focus on the what. You can find the what once you ground yourself to knowing why you are making the change and how you can utilize your strongest virtues to get there. The DH Effect will be your first step.
To close, maybe we can chat about your parents and what they did that was particularly impactful for you?
Any chance I get, I will honor my parents! Both were immigrants of the United States who had the courage to raise my twin sister and I with love, consistency and security. We didn’t have a lot of money, and yet, we were given all that we needed, especially delicious homecooked German and Filipino dishes.
There was one particular moment when my parents made a decision that altered the course of my childhood. When my parents decided to divorce when we were 7 years old, they shared the news in the most positive way. Holding hands and sitting at the dining room table, they called us over.
“We have news to share with you!” I remember smiles on their faces.
“You are going to have two homes!” I remember all of us cheering.
When it came to move out day, we all gently packed mom’s things and loaded the moving truck. We had pizza when we discovered our new second apartment. It really was a good day for the family. Their decision to put their children’s emotional health first and model what it looks and feels like to experience the act of belonging even in the darkest moments have impacted everything I have done since that day. Belonging is truly everything. I seek it. I create it. I am responsible for it. Belonging is the place where humanity thrives.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.thedheffect.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sonja_montiel
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DecidedHeartEffect
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/company/the-dh-effect
- Youtube: @thedheffect
