We were lucky to catch up with Jack Sparks recently and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Jack, so happy to have you on the platform and I think our readers are in for a treat because you’ve got such an interesting story and so much insight and wisdom. So, let’s start with a topic that is relevant to everyone, regardless of industry etc. What do you do for self-care and how has it impacted you?
My “self-care” is unhealthy. My “self-care” hurts my feelings. A lot of the time, my “self-care” makes me sad, repent, and disapprove. It makes me question if I should continue getting out of bed or care to continue up-keeping my relationships with friends, family, and colleagues. I become careless, tired, unresponsive, unreliable, and unwilling to dive deep and understand why.
How come everything sucks, but I’m great? Or vice versa.
I’m young, lacking experience in almost all aspects of life, and sometimes, can be a d*ck. I believe almost everyone could’ve said that when they were 20.
Which is “normal”. Right?
Current 20-year-olds worry their “mental health” is so harmful that they believe they NEED to take actionable “self-care” steps STAT.
Me being one of them.
Which is “normal”… Right?
Yes, people have different upbringings. Some have everything and care for nothing, and some have nothing yet care for everything. Some don’t care about themselves, and some only care about themselves.
But,
What if we realized it’s not about you and me?
What if we realized that our self-care wasn’t what we thought it was?
How come I try so hard yet still dislike myself?
It’s because our “self-care” isn’t self-care. It’s self-division. I’ll try to explain.
We believe we need to search for external sources to mend and or maintain our “mental health.” “I need to meditate. ‘Oh, maybe I should travel!’ ‘I’m gonna get into martial arts.”
Or worse. We begin doing things we’re ashamed to say out loud.
We scour to find things to care about other than ourselves. In the hopes that we’ll discover worthiness to care for ourselves.
But, in reality, self-care isn’t about finding your inner Chi, seeing the Eiffel Tower, or even using your new martial arts abilities to put someone in a headlock. It’s not about you, your friends, family or colleagues. It’s not about eating, praying, and loving.
What it’s all about is learning the language of the world that we were placed in. The world that WE spawned into. The world that isn’t after you and around the corner so it can sucker-punch you in the taint. The world entire of people who are just like you and me. The world entire of people with the same insecurities, fears, and, ultimately, the same stories.
It’s not about you. It’s not about me.
It’s about the information we’re forgetting to look for. The information from the house or apartment next to us. Or at the coffee shop. Or on the sidewalk a mile away from the Eiffel Tower.
The information that will tell us that the world doesn’t have a language. The information that ultimately proves that I’m wrong. The world isn’t going to tell us anything. Yes, people will say things, but that only goes so far as relatability.
The only language we need to learn is Us.
Not, You.
Us.
We humans are just as complex as the world around us because we are the world.
Not, You.
We.
Even though it’s not about you, you’re still here. I’m still here. We make up, We. And to be We, you have to be You. And I have to be me.
If you’re sad, be sad. Cry like hell.
If you’re uncontrollably angry, feel where your brain feels most tense and realize.
If you’re scared, be scared. Just take the next step with your eyes closed.
If you’re happy, look yourself in the eyes.
Fall in love with yourself.
Close your eyes and point your face toward the sun. Look at all the kaleidoscopic squiggly lines flying around. Wonder why that’s happening. Don’t look it up; just wonder. Then open your eyes and wonder why the world has more of a blueish hue than it did before. Again, don’t look it up, just wonder. Get lost inside the world your brain has created for you. Imagine yourself in that world; make yourself irresistible in that world. Stare at yourself in the mirror and have a conversation. Imagine you’re that irresistible person that you built in that world. Laugh at yourself for thinking you’re insane for talking to yourself in the mirror.
Then move on with your life. But live it the way you imagined YOU CAN. The way you did in the mirror. Show it to everyone. Show the world. Show You, and I’ll show me.
Become fluent in the language of life.
That’s understanding yourself.
That’s self-care.
Our self-care.
Not yours. Not mine.
Ours.
I have become effective because of you. And you have because of me.
Self-care isn’t for the individual. Well, it is if you’re selfish. Which I am sometimes, but I’m working on it!
Ultimately, it’s for us.
I’ve tricked myself into thinking I suck and wondering why I’m even alive. I’ll never “succeed” or do anything of substance. Let my brain take control to the point of depression.
Then, I make a conscious effort to allow my brain to do what it wants. Not think about what it wants. To dream, believe, and create. That’s what we all want. Us.
Do it for me. And I’ll do it for you.
You’re you; you need what you need. You don’t need what I need. Maybe we just need each other. Or maybe to know that I’ll be there if you need me.
“Self-care” isn’t an activity. It’s not a product, device, or service.
It’s an experience. A feeling. A life. Our lives.
Maybe I have it all wrong. Maybe I’m trying to sound like a unique, rebellious youngin that defies all that’s right. Maybe my mind is warped by my delusions about myself and how I believe I fit within this world. And you may feel that too.
Maybe that’s our “self-care”.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
My story is quite simple. I was a young kid who was given everything he wanted and needed. I grew up very comfortable, safe, and privileged. To some, the fashion I was raised in could be considered “perfect.”
And, maybe in some universe, it was.
Without getting into detail, I spent much time alone. I spent much time in my head daydreaming, creating other worlds and layouts to live in to escape the real world I was in. Most significantly, I watched the one relationship I dreamed would make sense begin to crumble in my life. My parents.
I enjoyed spending time with adults more than kids my age. Their perspectives fit my dreams and passions more nicely. In doing so, finding “my crew” of friends has always been challenging.
As I grew older, I realized I hardly remembered what life was like when I was younger. I remember feelings, smells, sounds. But I didn’t remember me—hardly anyone.
I realized how lonely I felt. How sad I was. That’s when it clicked. I remembered a part of me from my past.
A camera.
I had a camera in my face or my hands from the day I entered the world until the demise of my parents’ love for one another. I was twelve when that all went down, and there were a few years after when I was basically in limbo.
At age fifteen, this camera epiphany hit me. So, I saved up and bought one.
I began recording my life again. The same way my parents did when we were still one. I started directing my life the way I wanted it to be. I created dumb ideas to shoot, then learned to edit them together to create a tangible story. I began writing the ideas I’ve always daydreamed but never did anything about. I started becoming who I’ve always dreamt I could be.
I realized that this new skill of shooting and editing I accidentally created could be monetized. So, at 16, I got a job as a video editor. I spent years practicing, excelling, and honing in on this skill.
Then, I graduated high school. And the whole world fell on my lap. Expectations and fear became my best friends. So, two months after graduation, I bought a backpack, a plane ticket, and, most importantly, a photography camera.
I was an 18-year-old world-traveling photographer. I began understanding bits and pieces of the world one frame at a time. I would spend days taking street photographs, returning to my hostel, studying the photos, and writing a story based on the picture. Everything I did became a story.
Through this, I fell in love with creating entire worlds, characters, feelings, and logic, all through storytelling. I stopped wasting my time being depressed and aimlessly daydreaming.
Now, I’m 20. I still aimlessly daydream from time to time. I’m still sad and lonely from time to time.
But now, there’s something different. I have something to hold onto. I have something to love and talk to when I feel alone. I have something to dump everything into. Creation.
Whether it be filmmaking, photography, writing, or being an observationalist, it makes up my DNA. It’s my way of creating.
I slowly began to remember my life as I wrote. As I photographed. As I recorded. As I created.
I may still need to get a business or a product. I may not be financially successful in any way. I may not have much to show.
But I know what I love, and it’s all I’ll ever do. I’m sure you felt the same at one point.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
If I’m being honest, my journey hardly began. I’m barely 20, and I still get acne.
What I’m trying to say is that I’m young.
I need to gain experience in a plethora of basic adult situations.
Yes, I’ve had some interesting experiences that most people my age wouldn’t have for a long time. Yes, I can be mature for my age sometimes. Or maybe not.
That could be my perspective. I may have the maturity of a 10-year-old in your perspective.
Therefore, I try to be aware of all perspectives to be efficient and transparent when speaking to others.
Which is my best quality: Awareness.
Practicing awareness helps me feel rooms out and test the waters with new friends, clients, co-workers, etc.
It allows me to make intelligent and logical decisions with complex subjects.
It assists in potential conflict, understanding human actions/reactions, and really everything else.
A skill that has assisted in my “journey” is adaptability.
It’s easy for me to adapt to any living or working conditions.
If I’m bored, I learn something new that I like. If I’m feeling a creative block, I do what I learned when I was bored until the creativity kicks in. It’s helped me become a human recycling bin for stress and anxiety.
I don’t have a specific area of knowledge that I’m absolutely sure about yet. I’m more interested in knowing a little bit of everything. But if something hits me a certain way, I might delve deeper than usual.
Recently, that’s been music theory regarding the piano.
To close, maybe we can chat about your parents and what they did that was particularly impactful for you?
The most impactful thing my parents did for me was prolong their unhealthy and violent marriage.
That may seem like a flagrant thing to say, but it opened up a new world of observationalism for me. It threw me into such a significant whirl that genuinely messed me up.
I wouldn’t have found my reason not to give up if I hadn’t experienced such intense negativity at a heavy turning point in my life. I felt like I had a giant hand pushing me into the ground for a long time, keeping me unable to stand up straight and put attention on myself.
It felt like magic when my mind finally opened up from all the limitations created by negativity and doubt.
I could finally see everything I never thought would be there.
From my parents’ demise, I began my gradual understanding of emotional intelligence, how to combat impulse emotions, and being aware of right and wrong situations while being skeptical of what “right” means.
Every “trauma” has a small gift inside. Taking the wrapping paper off took some time, but I was glad I stuck around for it once I saw what was underneath.
(It’s my turn to find the light you guys couldn’t see for yourselves.
Thanks, mom and dad.)
Contact Info:
- Website: https://vimeo.com/lastnightwascute
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jacksparkss/?hl=en
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jack-sparks-113082280/
Image Credits
Mark Adriane
