We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Alan Gurvey. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Alan below.
Alan, we’re thrilled to have you sharing your thoughts and lessons with our community. So, for folks who are at a stage in their life or career where they are trying to be more resilient, can you share where you get your resilience from?
Resilience is a word that truly defines me. Interestingly enough, I did not go through any childhood trauma, or have any prominent negativity in my childhood years. I grew up in a fairly normal environment, whatever that may be, so I think that I have something inside me, probably genetic, that made me a real fighter. Someone who just can’t readily accept defeat. I’ve been like that ever since I was a small kid. And, I was a small kid. That didn’t stop me from competing with the big kids. I remember when I played high school football, after a game someone came up to me and said, “I love watching you play because you just go for it every minute you’re on the field. You sacrifice your body and make plays even though most of the other guys are bigger than you”. That’s always been my MO. Never give up and never accept defeat. Truthfully, though, that has not always helped me because sometimes we do need to take a step back and accept the way things are, even if they’re not the way we want them to be. I’ve learned, at least to a degree, to accept the fact that we can’t control everything. But, resilience has always allowed me to succeed, or get through situations, where other people quit, or give up. I have always felt that the key to being resilient is to do the things that you don’t want to do. I have never been one to take the easy way out. In fact, sometimes in my law practice, I will say I’m going to do something, even though I don’t want to do it, but it will motivate me because I don’t want to be a liar. I truly hope my kids will develop some level of resiliency, even if it isn’t sacrificing their bodies on the football field to make a tackle.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
I have been a lawyer for many years, and I’ve had a lot of great experiences helping people in that regard. I’ve always felt that my job can be rewarding if I’m doing something good for someone else. However, as a litigator, often we spend so much time in an adversarial environment that we can lose perspective of our real objectives in our practices. Sometimes we need to put our egos aside even though egos often help us win cases, or maybe that’s just confidence, something that seems to be intertwined, and remember that it’s not about us, but about our clients. Being the managing partner and owner of our law firm has provided me an opportunity to motivate the employees and share positive thoughts where sometimes things seem rather bleak. I really enjoy having meetings with the entire firm and giving speeches about how we can do better as professionals and in our private lives. I’m always cognizant about getting people to talk about what’s important to them. Yes, we practice law, but sometimes our meetings turn into group therapy sessions. It is rewarding when we are helping each other in times of need and difficulties. I am always impressing upon the people who work for us that they need to have a big heart and treat our clients with respect and honor because many times they are going through difficult times and need support, not only legal support, but also emotional support. Psychology and caring always pervade whatever I do in my professional and personal life. Yes, we do excellent legal work and are so committed to getting the best results for our clients, but more than that, we are good people, and if I needed legal help, I would want good people on my side. I use the same philosophy as a radio host, having been on KABC radio for 10 years interviewing some of the most interesting people in all walks of life. It didn’t matter how famous, wealthy, smart, or well-known someone who I interviewed was, because I come from a place knowing that everyone is human, and my goal was always to be human with them. I think that’s why so many people I’ve interviewed really loved the interview, because not only did I give them the opportunity to say their piece, but I also cared enough to try to understand where they were coming from. In this day and age, people simply do not care enough about where someone is coming from, or at least trying to understand that. I fail to comprehend why people are so dogmatic and so emotional about issues, rather than trying to come to a happy medium, at least to respect another’s opinion, assuming it is based in rationality and good faith. True, that all breaks down when issues are so divisive, as we are now experiencing in our world, but it is a lofty goal worth striving toward.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
The first quality that I think is so important to anyone’s journey is to have a positive perspective. There is so much whining and complaining in our world, and I really don’t think it helps get you into a happy place. Things may be dire, or difficult, but having an attitude that you can get through it and things will not always be that way goes a long way to a happier existence. A second quality that has been important in my journey is being thoughtful and caring. I learned this from my parents and I have tried to carry it out throughout my life. I have always been the one to think of others regardless of the situation. I think it’s too easy to just focus on yourself. And if you really want to have good relationships then you have to be there for other people, whatever it takes. A third quality that has been an essential part of who I am is the “never give up” mentality. Yes, I can get down on myself and feel like things are not going my way, but at the same time, I’m always looking for solutions and looking for ways to make things happen. Maybe it seems like you’re banging your head against the wall sometimes, but in the end that persistence can get you through problems.
People who are just starting out on their journey I think need to get off their high horse and be willing to put in the time necessary, even if the pay is not there, and get the experience to make relationships and to understand that it is about the journey, not necessarily the destination. The destination will come if you focus on the journey and are willing to accept the obstacles along the way. It seems too easy nowadays to take the easy way out and not put in the time necessary to reach your potential. I would preach patience to people starting out on the journey and tell them that some of the best times in our lives are times that challenge us.
What was the most impactful thing your parents did for you?
The most impactful thing that my parents did for me was taught me that unconditional support is the greatest gift you can give your children. There were so many times that I felt insecure and not worthy, yet they knew how to say the right thing so that I would not feel bad about myself and could continue on my journey without insecurity and without beating myself up. It is such a natural tendency to blame yourself for things that go wrong when you think you could’ve made a different decision, but what I found was that my parents always were able to make me feel that my decisions were not necessarily wrong and that they were made for a reason. They had confidence in me and were not hard on me when things went awry. That has been the most impactful presence in my life, as it has resulted in my ability to keep moving on in the face of adversity, and to know that I was unconditionally loved and supported even when I failed.
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