We recently connected with Kaye Askins and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Kaye, appreciate you sitting with us today to share your wisdom with our readers. So, let’s start with resilience – where do you get your resilience from?
I have been very blessed to have many, many “aha!” moments when I think about times I’ve had to have grit and resilience in trying situations, and each time there has been someone in my corner letting me cry, validating my feelings, helping me turn my upset into action.
When I was in high school I started cycling with my dad and rode in the National Multiple Sclerosis Society’s MS150, which is a two day 150 mile event. I had to have only been 16 or 17 years old. We were on a really long, flat stretch on the first day that felt like it was never going to end. Cars and semi trucks were flying past us and honking, it was windy, it was the end of the day so I had no energy left. I cried for miles and started having a panic attack from the traffic stress. Dad was conditioned for these rides, he was faster than me, but he stayed with me and coached me through several hours of mental pain. He rode behind me at what I remember being only 7 or 8 mph and told me he was impressed I had even made it that far and was still going. That day always stood out to me not just because it was the first major challenge I faced in my life, but Dad was directly behind me helping me through it with empathy and encouragement.
In 2012, Dad suffered from a severe stroke that paralyzed him. We did a lot together, and a lot of things that I feel make up my identity because of him. We played in an old man rock band, cycled, smoked cigars, and in an instant everything changed. I have never seen more resilience in my life than what I saw that year he spent retraining how to speak, how to walk, how to embrace his new normal. One year after being paralyzed, he was able to get back in the saddle and ride a customized recumbent bike while still only really having use of the right side of his body. We rode in more MS150s together, and he is everyone’s hero on every ride. He just has this crazy determination to keep going no matter what is stacked against him, and I try to embody that as much as I can.
The bar and restaurant industry is extremely challenging. It can be very ego-driven, highly competitive, but never with enough staff or support from the top, not enough money to be made, and a lot of criticism from peers and patrons. There are high performance expectations, and as a server/bartender/hostess/manager you have to leave every bad day at the door to be on stage for your guests. You miss every birthday, every holiday, and you have to do it with warm and genuine hospitality. I can tell industry stories for days, but ultimately the important take away is that my ability to cope and adapt didn’t, and still doesn’t, come naturally. I don’t think it comes naturally for anyone. It’s largely due to the people we surround ourselves with. Now that I’m a business owner, instead of leading a team I AM the team. There are a whole new set of challenges that come with being an owner/operator and particularly when the business model can really only pay one person to work and, surprise, it’s me! It can be very lonely and very overwhelming. Sixteen year old Kaye on a bike in the middle of nowhere had no one in front of her to draft off of, couldn’t see the finish line, and felt the pressure of all these road raging cars zipping past, but the reality was that my support was right behind me the entire way.
Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
My name is Kaye Askins, I’m a 13 year hospitality veteran and tiny wine bar & bottle shop owner in Lockhart, TX. I left my dream job as the Senior Beverage Manager of Restaurants for Eataly in Dallas and moved 3 hours away from home to chase a bigger, crazier dream as a small business owner.
I’m currently studying for my Italian Wine Professional certification and ultimately plan on obtaining my Certified Wine Educator status through the Society of Wine Educators. Hospitality and education are my love language, and I believe the beverage industry is having a beautiful renaissance promoting accessibility and community that I’m very proud to uphold.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
My journey is still ongoing, and I learn something new every single day. It’s exhausting. I’d say the most impactful qualities or skills I obtained to get where I am today are having empathy for others, shedding the fear of making mistakes or being criticized, and identifying who those people are in your corner you can share your authentic self with. The circle of life is all about the ups and downs, and you may often feel like the down days outweigh the up. That does not make you weak, negative, unworthy or incapable. My best advice is to connect and brainstorm openly with other folks in your community or industry to help remove any barriers, instill confidence, and gain outside perspective. You don’t have to give away proprietary information or always be an open book, but setting aside dedicated time to reflect and ask for feedback from peers is a really important skill that takes time to develop. Regardless of what industry you’re in, you cannot thrive on your own.
Any advice for folks feeling overwhelmed?
I feel overwhelmed all the time and I’m a crier, so I also cry all the time. Everyone who knows me absolutely will crack up over that because it’s so true. When I feel overwhelmed I talk about it very openly and give myself some time to be “in my feels,” as the kids say. I spent many years feeling dumb or worrying about how other people perceive me if I show any signs of emotional weakness, but nah now I just embrace it. Strategies on how to manage those feelings will look a little different for everyone. Personally, I have to put a lot of reminders in my phone to hold me accountable for getting my day started with a specific task at a specific time or it’s wheels off. But, I balance that with things I know that fill my cup, like sitting at the bar of our local coffee shop to check in with our usual morning crew and walking my dog. You cannot put work first 100% of the time and expect to be totally fulfilled. If you can, you probably don’t need advice from me and also, you’re hired.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.bestlittlewine.com
- Instagram: @bestlittlewinetx
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kaye-askins
Image Credits
Indoor photos are credited to Lisa Hause Photography. Outdoor photos are credited to Laurel Coyle Photography.
