Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Stephanie Matsuba. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Stephanie, so good to have you with us today. We’ve always been impressed with folks who have a very clear sense of purpose and so maybe we can jump right in and talk about how you found your purpose?
Living with a mental health diagnosis used to be the biggest secret and pain point of my adult life. When I originally received my mental health diagnosis of Bipolar, I chose to ignore it. I didn’t understand it, and based on what I knew and saw, it felt like my life was over. All the dreams and hopes I had for myself seemed impossible and I thought if I ignored it, maybe it would just go away.
Bipolar disorder was so scary to me, I decided to hide it from everyone. I felt fear, shame, and isolation around my diagnosis and I used to work so hard to hide my illness. Hiding cost me jobs, relationships and caused serious lifelong recurpcussions. My behaviors eventually landed me in a manic episode that sent me into one of the worst and most dangerous depressive episodes of my life. I remember feeling like I had completely lost all control of my brain.
With support from my family, I was able to accept my illness and ever since I have been on a journey of recovery and lifelong management. Acceptance felt like freedom. I didn’t realize that I was living my life as if I was holding my breath. All my dreams didn’t have to disappear with my diagnosis, now they were able to take flight. It was then that I re-found my voice as an artist.
No longer suppressed by the weight of my shame, I was able to step into my purpose as an actress and storyteller. Despite this being an incredibly vulnerable shift, I realized that storytelling and using my voice was larger than just me. Accepting my whole identity has been equally challenging and rewarding and I am so grateful to have found freedom through acceptance. It is my purpose to share stories with the world about mental health and identity, and I am hopeful to empower others to do the same.
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
Currently I am focused on my work as an actress, director, and producer.
Prior to the strike, I acted in the feature film ‘The Perfect Find’ on Netflix, and ‘NCIS: Hawaii’ on CBS. As an actress, I am grateful to have worked on incredible projects, and am always intentionally surrounding myself with a community of purposeful artists.
Last year, I premiered my one woman show titled ‘hypomanic’ at the Hollywood Fringe Festival. This is a piece I have been working on for years and to bring it to fruition has been one of the greatest milestones of my life. The show is highly centered around my personal experiences living with Bipolar II and it is a piece of art that I am incredibly proud of. I wrote, produced, and acted in the show, and it was directed by outstanding actress and director Kelly Tighe.
Throughout the show, my character attempts to manage the conditions of living with bipolar disorder, while moving through a state of hypomania and conflict. We see her attempt to navigate through seasons of irritability, hyper sexuality, and grandiose thinking, all while hiding her illness from her closest friends and family. ‘Hypomanic’ is an equally comedic and tragic story and provocatively comments on race, equity, and grief. Being able to take a look at the things that scared me the most provided me an entry point to create a truly purposeful and powerful piece of art.
I am of Haitian and Japanese descent and as a woman of color, there has not always been active dialogue about mental health. As an artist, I feel accountable to create something that gives just one example of what living with a mental illness can look like for a woman that looks like me. My grandmother played a huge role in the creation of my show and always reminded me of the importance of leaning into the things that scared me the most. Creating and performing a one woman show seemed terrifying and now it is my driving force as an artist. Art about mental health will change the way we look at health overall and what better way to drive conversation than through live theatre.
There will be a run of ‘hypomanic’ at WACO Theater in North Hollywood at the top of 2024 and will be running through the spring. I am so excited to share this piece with the world, and to continue to see it grow and evolve with time. I will be sharing details about show dates through my instagram page @stephmatsuba. If you are not based in LA no problem! I’ll also be live-streaming so be sure to follow me for updates and show times, I’d love for you to see it!
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
Three things I have found valuable in my career: Empowerment Tools. Self Confidence. Purpose.
Throughout my career, I have worked across different industries: entertainment, tech, startups, documentary films, and health and wellness. Through all of these disciplines I have been most successful when I have been able to maintain being ‘myself’ at work. Equity is not always common in the workplace, especially for people of historically marginalized groups and WOW I did not realize the impact that being the ‘only’ Black/Asian/Woman in the room actually was. I needed support. I needed real tangible ways to fuel myself with empowerment that I could use at any time and in any place. An important skill I learned was finding empowerment tools to keep myself grounded at work. I created a fun toolkit for myself to use: affirmations, meditation, drinking tea, just simple things that helped me feel like myself. It doesn’t solve everything, but having these tools helps remind me of who I am and creating them was a huge shift for me.
A quality I have grown into is the ability to have self-confidence. Creating my one woman show has really empowered this. I had a vision of my show for so long, and being able to execute it required an enormous amount of hard work, trust, and self confidence. I had to truly believe that I could do it. . . and I did it. That conviction is now present in everything that I do.
Having real purpose has changed everything for me. Before accepting my mental health diagnosis, I was never able to completely put myself into anything I was doing. Hiding my health was preventing me from living with purpose. Now health and identity is my purpose. I have never been so clear about why I am doing what I am doing. I have a one woman show about something I never used to even talk about because I know it is what I am here to do and that it is larger than just me. I am sharing something with the world that only I can uniquely do and that knowingness fuels me every single day.
What was the most impactful thing your parents did for you?
My parents are incredible people. The most impactful thing they have ever done for me has been loving me unconditionally. They have raised my younger sister and I to always be kind, and to always come from a place of love and compassion. I was raised in a home that fostered empathy, and non-judgement. Living with a mental illness is equally challenging on family, friends, and caregivers and I am so grateful that my parents have never given up on me. They hold me accountable while also providing me with the space and grace I need to take care of myself. My parents empower me daily and remind me that my art, my voice, my purpose, and my dreams are valid and that I am capable and equipped to achieve anything I set my mind to.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stephmatsuba/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephanie-matsuba-079644139/
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgklEe1nJR8
- Other: https://www.hollywoodfringe.org/projects/9932
Image Credits
Michael Tullberg; Brian Parillo; Charles Sykes; Ashley Nussbaum
