We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Mercedes Ibarra a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Mercedes, appreciate you sitting with us today to share your wisdom with our readers. So, let’s start with resilience – where do you get your resilience from?
I believe I get my resilience both because of and in spite of my childhood originally. My parents are Cuban immigrants to the United States. They arrived here in the 1970s after immigrating to Spain for two years each (they met in Spain). They were my first models of resilience. My father survived three years in a forced labor camp cutting sugar cane in Cuba. He was sent there when he admitted at work that he was disillusioned by Castro’s revolution and planned to leave the country. He was not told when the end of his sentence would be. I only recently learned that my father was part of 2,000 men that were shipped away from on wagons from Santiago de Cuba on Christmas Eve.
Despite the trials they went through to leave Cuba, my parents were resilient in Spain and then constantly showed their resilience when they arrived to the United States. They didn’t speak English and both started in service jobs at a hotel, then moved onto factory work. They became US citizens, they raised two of three children (I had an infant brother who died at 6 weeks, so they survived that too). They put us both through college, by picking up extra jobs along with the financial assistance I received in the form of grants and loans.
So, I first want to say that I learned my resilience from watching them. However, I learned resilience because of them as well. As you can imagine, my parents suffered a lot of trauma due to what happened to them in Cuba. My father has never been diagnosed with it, but I am certain he suffers from PTSD. He won’t talk about the things he saw and experienced in the camp, but I know from his sister that he saw some of humanity at its worst.
My mother suffered a lot of abuse as a child, and has never really dealt with it, so of course, the same patterns manifested themselves in my childhood. I am a survivor of both physical and emotional abuse.
The worst of the emotional abuse was based on my parents not necessarily seeing me or accepting me for who I am. I was an artist as a child. I’ve been writing, singing, and dancing since I was a small girl, but when I wanted to build a career on dancing, they vehemently fought against it because they were worried about the lack of financial security.
I tried to be the good daughter, but I just became more and more depressed. I developed an eating disorder. One day, I had finally had enough and decided to live my life for myself. I made the decision to leave to Spain to study Flamenco and I have never looked back.
Making that decision was hard. My parents didn’t want to accept it. I went to Spain pretty much without their blessing. I returned four years later and it was still a struggle, but I realized that this is my one and only life and that I could not ignore a calling that was in me for as long as I can remember. I decided no one is going to be regretting my choices on my deathbed except for me, so I decided I would live my life as I wanted to live it. I’ve been happy ever since–even when I have struggled financially. I always remember how sick and depressed I was before I made the decision to live my life my way and that is what keeps me motivated and resilient to keep working to shape my own life and my own future.
Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
I have two careers. I am a professional Flamenco Dancer, Teacher, and Choreographer, as well as a Bilingual Interspiritual Ceremony Officiant.
I have been dancing Flamenco for over 28 years. I have been a member of the faculty at the Orange County School of the Arts as the Flamenco Teacher in their Ballet Folklorico Conservatory, teaching grades 7 through 12. I am also a Teaching Artist for both the Music Center of Los Angeles and the Los Angeles Arts Organization. As a Teaching Artist, I lead Flamenco Dance and Culture workshops for elementary school children, as well a produce shows for school assemblies and community events with my Flamenco ensemble, Sakai Flamenco.
I am also an Interfaith/Interspiritual Minister. I was ordained in 2016 by One Spirit Interfaith Seminary. In that capacity, I am a ceremony officiant, creating ceremonies and rituals for milestone events such as weddings, baby and child blessings, funerals and life celebrations, quinceañeras, and more. I also provide premarital and spiritual counseling. I am bilingual in English and Spanish, so I use that skill along with my interspiritual training to create beautiful, custom ceremonies that reflect my clients’ sense of spirituality while still respecting their families’ culture and traditions.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
I would say that the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that impacted my journey the most were:
1. curiosity
2. humility
3. grit
My naturally curious nature makes me someone who loves to learn. I am constantly learning and constantly studying, both in Flamenco and in my work as a minister and officiant. I believe that you never stop being a student, especially if you want to excel in something. You should always stay curious about your work. Find ways to keep things fresh, to learn a new skill or learn about a new facet of your profession. Constantly follow any leads of curiosity. Also, remain flexible in this process and go with the flow. Both of these careers were a surprise to me. I hadn’t planned on either of them and somehow they happened and this is because I just rode that wave of my curiosity to learn something new and see where it takes me.
This leads straight into my point about humility. I like to think of the Buddhist concept of Beginner’s Mind. Always treat everything with that beginner’s mind. When you think you are done learning something, you are only stopping yourself from discovering just how far you can take something. Flamenco is a very difficult art form and I know that the more I learn, the more I need to learn. The learning never stops, so I make sure to remain humble and open to new information and ideas. I also learn a lot from teaching. There is that saying that ends with, “To master, teach.” That is absolutely true. Teaching is a great way to learn something thoroughly because it takes intimate knowledge of something to teach it well.
The same is true for spirituality and creating ceremony. There is always something new to learn and you can learn from those you are helping as much as you can learn from teachers or books. The process of guiding people through spiritual counseling and spiritual ritual teaches you so much, just like teaching does.
Finally, there’s grit, which is the same as resilience. My mere determination to create a life for myself that I am happy living is what has kept me going. Even when things have gotten extremely difficult, I never let go of my dream and goal to live from work that I love doing. That determination has carried me through a lot of difficulty and that determination has paid off. It has taken a long time to get where I am, and things aren’t perfect, but I can absolutely say that I love getting up in the morning. For years, that was not true. I’m proud of myself for sticking to it and making it happen for myself and I am grateful every day.
Is there a particular challenge you are currently facing?
The number one challenge in my life now is chronic illness. In 2015, I was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (Lupus SLE), an autoimmune condition where my immune system attacks my own organs. In 2016 I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, a condition that is marked by chronic pain and chronic fatigue. Finally, in 2018 I was diagnosed with peripheral neuropathy. On top of this, I have secondary conditions that are caused by both the Lupus and the Fibromyalgia, including Pelvic Floor Dysfunction.
The Lupus has primarily affected my muscles and joints, and the fibromyalgia is characterized by extremely tight tender points in my connective tissues, so you can imagine that these conditions have made dancing difficult.
I find that this chronic illness challenge as a dancer, has really come to test my resilience. It is my greatest teacher in both resilience and self care. I have had to learn to balance taking care of myself while at the same time pursuing my passions.
So, I don’t think resolving or overcoming is the issue for me. I think it’s more living with the challenge and persevering with it. I have learned to really listen to my body and to slow down. Not everything has to get done every day. I’ve learned to prioritize the top three or four things to get done each day and what I can let go. I’ve learned that it is ok to say “no” to requests that do not serve me or my goals. I’ve learned that sleep is vital and I’ve learned to listen to my body in terms of what to eat to give me energy, what not to eat because it makes me feel unwell, and also when eating something “fun” will be good for my soul every once and awhile.
I’ve learned to advocate for myself with doctors and employers. I’ve learned to accept help when I need it, but I’ve also learned to push through when it feels good to do so. Some days I forget, and I get upset and frustrated, but I’ve also learned to be patient with myself. I’m also coming to accept that one day I may have to let the dancing go sooner than I wanted, but to enjoy it while I can. Because Flamenco is a largely improvisatory dance form, I’ve also learned to enjoy this new stage where I’m skilled enough that I can just let go and improvise based on how my body is feeling on any given day. It has been great to see how far I’ve come skill-wise.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.revmercy.com
www.mercedesibarraflamenco.com - Instagram: @rev.mercy.ceremonies, @merche.de.losangeles, @mindfullylupie (my Lupus IG)
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RevMercyIbarra
Image Credits
1. Tara Stewart for the Music Center of Los Angeles 2. Monk Turner for the Music Center of Los Angeles 3. Rev. Mercy with Jasmine and Christy by Orellana Photo 4. Rev. Mercy with Lisa and Hector by Owen Captures Photography
