Meet Kirsten Parker

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Kirsten Parker a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Kirsten, first a big thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and insights with us today. I’m sure many of our readers will benefit from your wisdom, and one of the areas where we think your insight might be most helpful is related to imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is holding so many people back from reaching their true and highest potential and so we’d love to hear about your journey and how you overcame imposter syndrome.
I first had to make a conscious decision not to keep thinking of myself as an unqualified amateur. It sounds counterintuitive, because you think “I’ll get all the qualifications and evidence I need first, then I’ll feel confident.” But truly, the most effective way to get out of imposter thinking is to decide you don’t want to hang out there. I met myself where I was and had to get honest about what I was capable of. (PS this happened at multiple stages throughout my business, from the very beginning to 5 years in!) You never want to be overly confident in areas you lack competency, but the more honest you can be with yourself about your capabilities, the less you’ll lean into imposter doubts and self-limitation. The trick is to focus on what you can do and are learning, and how you’re being responsible in the work you take on or service you offer. I always tell clients, “It’s not like you’re walking around believing ‘I’m a great surgeon’ when you have zero medical training.” This would be QUITE dangerous for you and others. So another good gauge when responding to imposter thoughts is asking “Is it dangerous to believe in myself here, or be confident about that? Who could it hurt?” And really challenge yourself to be honest about the stakes! Usually, they’re much lower than they feel when we’re in imposter freakout mode.

Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
I help people take ownership over their decision-making. For all the things we’re educated in, making clear-headed, authentic, self-honoring decisions is not one of them. I work with all kinds of smarty pants highly functional people who, for all their success, still struggle with second-guessing, overthinking, and not knowing how to know (and trust) what they want. The best part of my job is hearing how people get to experience their everyday life with more ease & confidence, doing more of what they want to do. Having a client tell me “I just did this for myself and didn’t feel guilty!” or “I saw an opportunity and went for it because I know what I want and what I can handle” is the best!

And we talk about ALL of it: the little daily decisions about how to phrase an email or what to order for lunch, and the big life choices about your next career move. Because how you make decisions is a system – and since your choices create the life and identity you experience, it’s a system worth updating! So you don’t have to go through the next few decades making choices how you always have: Not exactly sure of your reasons, based on what people will think, deprioritizing what you really want, etc. We can clean that up. And you deserve it.

I host the Decision Masters Podcast, which gets consistent feedback about inciting AHA moments and perspective shifts, and run the Decision Masters Program, a coaching program that combines small group and 1-on-1 work to update your decision-making and get you clear and in action on what matters to you. The next program is enrolling now and starts January 2024! Details at kirstenparker.com/dmp.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
The three qualities that were most impactful in my journey: Self-Trust, Commitment and Authenticity.

I struggled with self-belief a lot, which I think is normal when you’re pivoting, starting something new, and entering into a field where you don’t have tons of experience and success built up. But cultivating self-trust, literally the trust in myself to figure stuff out and survive any mistakes and failures, made all the difference in putting one foot in front of the other through some really big undertakings. If you’re struggling to maintain belief that you’re good enough and can do all the things, look for how you can trust yourself and go from there.

Which is also where commitment came in. If you aren’t clear on what you’re committed to, you basically pave your path with escape routes. And I know myself: re-thinking “Do I really want to do this?” every other day was going to be an exhausting, unproductive way to live. So I made commitments to keep myself on track for what I could be certain of. When I first started my business, I wasn’t sure what it was going to be, what would work, what I would like. But I could commit to a year. I could commit to selling a certain offer for a certain amount of time. Use your commitment to fuel yourself forward, even when there are tons of unknowns.

And say what you will about authenticity – I know some people think this is a “tired idea” right now, but it’s literally what kept me going on MY path, rather than trying to recreate someone else’s model of what a business could look like. Doing things my way and being myself didn’t just create more success, it let me enjoy my business instead of resent it and feel drained by it. And no one starts a business to feel resentment every day! Be careful in following best practices and mentors’ advice that you don’t completely lose yourself.

What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? Any advice or strategies?
I’m an overthinker, so I have a lot of experience with overwhelm! The best thing I’ve learned about this is that you can’t solve a problem from inside the problem. Aka, if overwhelm is coming from your mind, you can rarely think your way out of it. At least initially. When I start getting waves of internal urgency and my brain wants to go one million places at once, I actually get out of my head and focus on my body.

Instead of trying to think of reasons not to be overwhelmed, or solutions to the 19 problems freaking me out, I address my physiological stress first (breathing, walking – to activate lateral eye movement, which quiets the amygdala, putting a hand or two on my chest to ground my physical nervous system).

In a less activated physical state, your brain is much more receptive to the idea of “calming down” and being present in one place and focusing on one thing at a time!

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Image Credits
Paige Ray Creative

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