We were lucky to catch up with Nelson Bonilla recently and have shared our conversation below.
Nelson, so great to be with you and I think a lot of folks are going to benefit from hearing your story and lessons and wisdom. Imposter Syndrome is something that we know how words to describe, but it’s something that has held people back forever and so we’re really interested to hear about your story and how you overcame imposter syndrome.
I’m not sure artists ever truly overcome the “Imposter Syndrome”. The best I can do is recognize it when I see it. I think I’ve learned to manage its affect over my life as an actor. It’s like having a relationship with a goofy cousin. He shows up – with an eye-roll you acknowledge him – say your pleasantries – and wave to him as he exits.
For me, the secret has been to find a strongly directed sense of purpose. Something that was not self-seeking. This did not come naturally to me. I had to learn how to enjoying the process, the work, understand and accept that the journey is the only true sense of arrival. When I’m able to pull this off, then life is justified in the present. It can no longer be held hostage by some artificial/superficial sense of acceptance or arrival. No amount of pay or prestige, result or reward is required.
The “Here and Now” approach, for me, robs the Imposter Syndrome of its burden and strength.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
In a nutshell I’m a ghetto rat turned spiritual gangster. Saved by God, through His Grace to hopefully spread the enthusiasm I have for story telling. I’m like an old, beat up journal – Filled with secrets, scripture, hopes and dreams. And perhaps a few naked lady doodles in there for good measure.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
There are a few things that stand out immediately when I look back on my journey.
The hostility I had towards the process of becoming an actor had to transition to acceptance. I learned the art of acquiescence. The soulful, artful distinction between acceptance and indifference.
I had to train myself to focus my attention on the things that mattered the most. In this way, I learned that the rule of law was on my side. Natural law was in my favor; if I practiced and exercised, I became a stronger and more proficient artist.
Most importantly, I realized that the suffering, uncertainty, and frustration I was going through was nothing unique. Many artists before me had to walk this shaky path. I’d go a step further and say it was required of me. I painfully learned that some of our greatest ingredients, the dopest things we’re made of, come from our brushes with catastrophe. This helped to prepare me for the savagery and chaos legitimately demanded of me to endure, if I was to ever get to and through anything of meaning, purpose and value.
As we end our chat, is there a book you can leave people with that’s been meaningful to you and your development?
There isn’t just one book that has helped me manage, develop or establish a healthy mindset. There are many. Here are just a few.
“The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron
She helped me understand the value in creating a healthy and creative Eco-System. She reminded me of the importance of spending time with other artists; showing up for “them”. Taking classes, reading scripts and doing scenes with other actors. How reading books and keeping a journal — all these acts contribute to the building and maintaining of this Creative Eco-System.
“Stillness Is The Key” by Ryan Holiday
Ryan revealed to me that there has always been a metaphorical Civil War raging inside me. Between my good and bad impulses. What I want to be and how hard it is to actually get there. Between my ambitions vs what little principles I had left. Could I balance and alternate between my confidence and humility? The importance of being able to dance back and forth with my empathy and unbending conviction.
Understanding and controlling your mind, body and Spirit is paramount to your well being.
“Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience” By Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
When I can manage to get myself into a Flow state, there is a loss of Self-Consciousness. That’s to say, when I’m able to be totally engaged in an activity, a story, a scene. there’s not enough attention left over – no more bandwidth to allow me to consider the past or the future or any other irrelevant thing. There is one specific item that disappears from awareness that deserves a special mention and that’s my “self”. Dozens of times a day I’m reminded of how delicate my actor’s-ego can be. But when in you’re in that state of Flow, when we’re in the moment, there is no room for self-scrutiny or self-sabotage. It’s just about the work.
Contact Info:
- Website: imbd.me/nelsonx13
- Instagram: @NelsonBX13
- Twitter: @NelsonBX13
Image Credits
@katbonillaphotography OZARK: NETFLIX
