Meet Patience Riley

We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Patience Riley. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Patience below.

firstName}, thank you so much for agreeing to talk with us about a deeply personal and sensitive topic. Postpartum depression affects so many in the community and hearing from someone who has overcome PPD might help someone who is going through it right now. For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience
As a military family life counselor, I saw many pregnant or new mothers with depressive symptoms walk through my door. My father spent his career in the U.S. Navy and my husband is an Air Force officer, so I’ve always had empathy for military families. Soon I would know exactly what those women who came to my office were feeling. Four days before my husband was deploying to Qatar, we found out that I was pregnant with our first child. This licensed therapist began her own journey into maternal mental health. Thankfully, I eventually found the support I needed – and my life’s work.

Perinatal mental health disorders are widespread. Postpartum depression is the most common complication of childbirth. We can all help women experiencing perinatal mental health symptoms simply by talking about it. It is easy to convince yourself that every other mother on the planet is managing beautifully and that you are uniquely bad at mothering. However, in the great silence around maternal mental health, these lies can reverberate inside our heads. It’s important to drown them out with some truths.

While I was still dealing with my own mental health challenges, I signed up for a training with Postpartum Support International (PSI), where I learned to help women facing similar situations. I volunteered to lead their virtual support group for military moms. Today, I lead PSI’s support group on mindfulness, work as the Communications Manager for The Alliance, a program within PSI, and see clients in my private practice as a perinatal mental health therapist. I am grateful that I was connected to information on treatment, women who knew exactly what I was going through, and a national directory of clinicians who focused on women’s health.

Not only did my husband deploy early in my pregnancy. He later received a promotion requiring me and our new baby to Florida from Nebraska while he was in training. By my second pregnancy, our family had moved three times in two years. Again, my husband’s service had him flying around the world and away from us. I had a two-year-old to care for, no matter how tired I was. COVID-19 isolated us at home when it would have been great to be out meeting friends in a new community. My platelet count was low. If it dipped too far, it would mean that I could not have an epidural during labor and that I was at risk of increased bleeding.

I was well aware that Black women are three times as likely to die from pregnancy- related causes as white women. I had heard too many stories of Black women whose health care providers dismissed symptoms and disregarded pregnant women’s wishes. I didn’t want to be “the angry Black woman,” but I also knew that my life could depend on my ability to strongly advocate for myself. I think of myself as a hornet during this time, always mad: at the military, at my husband, mad because deep down I was incredibly sad. Thankfully, my husband was able to be there when I delivered. But he was soon gone and trying to stay connected by video chat. Every call inspired my older son to throw tantrums and eventually declare, “I’m mad at Dada!” He was just as sad as I was, a heartbreaking realization.

Friends and relatives would come to Georgia, where our growing family had finally landed, to help out on weekends. Sometimes it felt like Friday would never come. Eventually, I decided to pack up my boys and temporarily move in with my parents, where we had a standing invitation. I only regret that I did not do it sooner.

In August, I joined PSI in a communications role, because so much of the challenge is to let women know that they are not alone. Every chance I get, I write and speak about what happened to me – because what happened to me could happen to anyone. It doesn’t make us bad moms. It makes us human, and one of the first rules of being human is: You are allowed to
ask for help.

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
Of course! I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor in Georgia and Nebraska, certified in perinatal mental health. I have over a decade of experience and am currently in private practice. I offer individual therapy, speak on mental health topics, and maintain my professional blog, WHOA MAMA. Mental health is my jam, and I love offering support to folks individually, in groups, or through written and video content.

I have spoken for organizations such as The Policy Center for Maternal Mental Health, Postpartum Support International, Service Women’s Action Network, and was an expert guest on The Wallstreet Journal Podcast. One of my favorite events was serving as the keynote speaker for the SC Rural Office of Public Health’s annual luncheon in Orangeburg, SC. South Carolina is my home, so I was honored to be a voice to spread a message about how we can improve Black Maternal Mortality and Maternal Mental Health rates.

Additionally, I’ve lent my expertise to publications like Vanity Fair London, Izzy & Liv, and Military Families Magazine. I have also contributed pieces to the #HowRightNow campaign with the Center for Disease Control, Military Spouse Magazine, Mantra Wellness Magazine, Wounded Warrior Project.

In addition to my work as a Licensed Professional Counselor, I am the Communications Manager for the Perinatal Mental Health Alliance for People of Color and group leader for the mindfulness and military moms support groups at Postpartum Support International. Outside of my work within the mental health field, I am a creative, foodie, plant mom, festival junkie, wife to her college sweetheart, military spouse, and mom of two little boys.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
Looking back on my career, I appreciate how I have grown professionally. I’ve learned to trust myself fully as an expert in my field. My approach will be different than others, and that is okay. That makes me unique, allowing me to meet my clients, audiences, or readers of my work where they are. Another quality I’ve been embracing personally and professionally is the willingness to change. As I grow as a professional and person, I’m not afraid to change my view, perspective, or approach to one that aligns with who I am at this moment. Lastly, I’m in a season of learning. Yes, I may be an expert in my field, but I remain curious. At the end of this year and the next, I am being intentional about learning new skills, techniques, and hobbies. I want to learn new things and am excited to be a student again.

What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? Any advice or strategies?
I am a Therapist, but I am also a mother to young children, so I get overwhelmed. When I am on the verge of feeling overwhelmed, I grab my phone and turn on relaxing instrumental music. My favorites right now are the Steven Universe Lofi mix, holiday Lofi mix, and honestly any Lofi mix.

I also experience a lot of stress, tension, and overwhelm in my body. I’m pretty active (because at home workouts count) and find that moving my body early helps me get ahead of the overwhelm. Most of the time my kiddos join me for a HIIT or yoga routine, and have taken a interest in my new walking pad.

Other methods that are helpful for myself and clients are the 54321 method, connecting with nature, and phoning a friend to talk you down.

Contact Info:

Image Credits
Victoria Mendoza Photography: https://victoriamendozaphotography.com/

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