We recently connected with Jamie Skye and have shared our conversation below.
Jamie, so great to have you with us and we want to jump right into a really important question. In recent years, it’s become so clear that we’re living through a time where so many folks are lacking self-confidence and self-esteem. So, we’d love to hear about your journey and how you developed your self-confidence and self-esteem.
The short answer is through Yoga.
I’ve always had a decent amount of confidence and self-esteem growing up. I was never afraid to be the first one on the dance floor and I loved choreographing and dancing in middle school talent shows, summer camps, and high school fashion shows. Yearly recitals at The Martha Hicks School of Ballet gave me confidence because on stage I felt energized and unstoppable. I haven’t stopped chasing that feeling. When I got to Queen’s University, a floormate told me that I should audition for Flow hip-hop crew. From the moment that I saw the dancers, my gut told me that I would be Co-President of Flow Dance Club one day. Despite having to audition for the performance crew three times over the span of a couple of years, I never ever gave up because I knew that it was my calling. “No,” never means no – it just means not right now.
I didn’t choose dance, dance chose me and I truly believe that. Dance was the only thing that I was confident with. I was never confident about my appearance or my personality. I was actually pretty shy and I tried to fit in with the “cool” kids in high school but I always felt like a weirdo. I was never confident with my sexuality and I was bullied for being gay between the ages of 11-14. I didn’t know how to navigate intimate relationships because I had never seen a loving, functional relationship at home which led me to experience my own toxic, controlling, and abusive relationships. Even through these dark times in my life, I never ever lost sight of my dreams because I could literally feel it in my gut and in my soul. I knew that I was destined to be a star and truly, it was the only thing that kept me alive.
Many people have called me brave, courageous, adventurous, and confident but I’d say that I was delusional. I lived in a fantasy world daydreaming about dancing on stage with the biggest artists in the world and being anywhere but here. Later I would learn that my brain was dissociating because of how painful my reality was and whether or not it is my true calling or just a fantasy, I owe it to my dreams for helping me survive such a violent relationship. Even though I was bullied in high school, told that I wasn’t a good dancer, that I’d never make it in LA, and that dancing isn’t a real career, at the same time, there were many more people who told me that I was good and that I should move to LA. Collectively these voices fueled my fire and helped me get to California.
Early in my career, I took a heels class taught by Kiira Harper and Jose Hollywood Ramos at Debbie Reynolds Studio. After we filmed groups, Hollywood approached me and said “You’re really good, but you just need to believe in yourself more.” I will never forget those words, and I mean that in the best way possible. I was taken aback and I thought that I already did believe in myself. Years later, I rewatch my younger self on video and realize that I did not believe in myself nearly the way that I do now. I let those words from Hollywood fuel my soul and every day I asked, “How can I believe in myself a little bit more today?”
When I trained at Kolanie Marks’ and Antoine Troupes’ KreativMndz program, one of our choreographers said, “The choreography is like the pasta and you as the dancer have to add the sauce.” I danced for a long time without really being physically aware of how to execute my own sauce. I didn’t grow up with the tools and knowledge for developing confidence and self-esteem so I had to learn and practice on my own through Yoga. I started four years ago and asana practice is one of the main sources that fuels my confidence every day. Although I’m a dancer, I spent many years disconnected from my body. What sets apart the best of the best is knowing yourself, knowing your body, and knowing the way that it moves authentically. It’s knowing your strengths, and capabilities as well as your limitations. I used to be afraid to connect with my body in the past because it was painful. I was afraid to look at myself because I had a fixed mindset and I hated that I wasn’t as flexible as other dancers. As my mind started expanding, I understood that I could achieve anything in this world so long as my internal world truly believed that I could. You have to trust that when you free your mind, your body will follow.
You know what was the most difficult test for my self-esteem and confidence? The partner that I had at the time in LA said that they supported me but also said that dance was a poor career choice and was uncomfortable with what I wore. I won’t get into all the details now – I’ll save that for my book but essentially he said that my body belonged to him. I was young, confused, and resistant to this person’s “boundaries” yet I found myself going in and out of pleasing them for the sake of saving the relationship. It felt so inauthentic to me and created a lot of resistance within my career and inner turmoil. It was so hard to navigate a career as a dancer when this person who was supposed to be my partner was literally fighting me for being me. I couldn’t be my true self and it shattered a lot of my confidence. I felt so ashamed that I had ended up in another similar relationship without knowing how or why. Yoga and therapy have helped me get back to the true, authentic version of me and I’m so grateful that I’ve found my way back to myself because I was so unhappy, depressed, stressed, and anxious for an entire decade and it was affecting every aspect of my life.
My body is now starting to catch up with my mindset but because of all this trauma, my physical vessel is so pent up and tight. Getting up every day to work on me and get into my body gives me confidence. Stretching, strengthening, and feeling every single muscle, every single pain, every single area of tension, and flexibility makes me feel alive and puts me in touch with who I am. Our bodies are different every single day and it’s empowering to know what you’re capable of and what your limitations may be for that day (so you can slay).
Affirmations are also my go-to. I love affirmations. I love sticky notes, podcasts, journaling, mantras, and meditation. The brain is like any other muscle. It needs to be trained and it needs a workout. When I first started working with affirmations it felt uncomfortable and unbelievable. I was telling myself things that my brain just couldn’t comprehend as true but I stuck with them until my internal voice shifted and then they became true. I had to practice shifting my thoughts, changing my brain, and creating new pathways to remove the junk.
Mediation is necessary and someone once asked me, “When you meditate, do you feel connected to space?”
I replied, “No. I get answers.”
When I meditate, I can hear my inner voice and see my inner thoughts so clearly. Through meditation, I uncover my true, authentic voice and rid my brain of other negative internalized voices. I had to practice stopping giving in to my vices, bad habits, and self-limiting beliefs that were holding me back. I really believe that you have to be the creator of your own life. Nobody is going to hold your hand, nobody is going to choose you, and great things aren’t going to fall into your lap. You can really design your life the exact way that you want it to be by making the right choices and changing your frequency. Author James Clear said, “Every action we take is like a vote for the person we wish to become.” I continue making new choices to become that person who is ready to receive all that I deserve.
I’m turning 30 this year and I feel like I’m finally coming back to my 13-year-old self. I’ve come back to me, but this time with real confidence, resilience, stronger boundaries, and genuine self-esteem. I’m aware that for a long time, I’ve been resistant to becoming the true, full version of myself and I won’t hold back anymore. This life is mine. I’m loyal and grateful to dance because it saved me.
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
“It was the straying that found the path direct.” -Austin Osman Spare
My path has been messy. They say that the path isn’t linear but I felt so out of whack because of how far I strayed off my path. I found this quote by Austin Osman Spare and it really reassured me. The only way that I was able to come back onto my path stronger and more confident than ever is because I strayed so far away from it. I went to what felt like the other end of the earth just to solidify that it was wrong for me. My intuition always knew the right answer but it wasn’t crystal clear and I never truly believed in myself enough to trust it.
At the end of 2021, I left LA to move across the country and pursue my relationship. I was exhausted from the grind for over four years straight and I felt like I needed a change. On one hand, I felt free leaving California but on the other, I felt like I was leaving all of my dreams and goals behind. I was sad about that. I was convinced that this person had my back, that we’d spend our time building a beautiful life together, and that I would find a different career path but I didn’t know what. I was living in Durham, North Carolina for four months – a totally unfamiliar space and I essentially had given up on my dream of being a professional dancer. Instead of dancing, I explored my other skills, passions, and interests which included writing, Yoga, healthcare, law, and fitness to name a few. I interviewed for different jobs while I was there but nothing felt right – it all felt so wrong. I thought that if I wasn’t going to have a career in dance then I would need to go back to school and learn a new skill. First, I had to do the hard thing which was leave my relationship. Then I had to face uprooting my life again but thankfully that wasn’t as hard because everything I owned at this point fit into my little Nissan Sentra – including Stella, my 8-year-old daughter (tabby cat). I didn’t have the strength to drive back to California so I decided to come back home to Toronto and ground myself. I started working again as a dance and Yoga instructor, I got into teaching fitness and pilates classes and decided to go back to school for a one-year post-graduate degree in Wellness Coaching at Humber College.
I am now a certified Wellness Coach which comes naturally to me however, nothing feels as good or as authentic as being in the dance community and studio. It took me a year of constant self-love, discipline, shaving my head, growing my hair back, dyeing it platinum blonde, getting tattoos, changing my wardrobe, coming out, dating women for the first time, and meditating to uncover a sliver of the real me. I’m thankful for the time I took away from dance because I wouldn’t have found myself in other facets. I wouldn’t have been able to come to the realization that, oh yeah, dance is the answer, it’s been there all along. I also opened up to more of my family members about dance as my professional career and they really have no choice but to accept it at this point. They’re all happy for me now but for some time it was scary because half of my family is Chinese, most of them work in the healthcare profession and one of my parents always had their own agenda for me. I now know that I just need to honor dance, nurture it, and protect it better because it’s my baby and my vision.
What’s next for me is being open to the universe. I continue to dream of dancing on a world tour and until then I’m going to work hard on myself, my community, and my students. I will continue to do me and see where the universe decides to take me. I love the quote, “Dreams don’t make or break us,” by author Shannon Kaiser. Yes, touring is the dream goal but really it’s about everything beautiful that happens in between. My work is a reflection of me and I am honored to experience whatever that may be without any expectations.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Meditation, mentors, and investing in yourself.
Meditation, mentors, and investing in myself – specifically financially, have been the most impactful on my journey so far. Each of these things can feel so scary, like wondering how to meditate or even having the patience for it. Finding a mentor can be tough if you’re not clear on what you need. And don’t get me started on financially investing in yourself – I know I’m not the only one who struggles with that. My advice would be to take the leap. Just as one of my mentors Sienna Lyons said, “Take the leap.” Take the risk. Not all at once but if nothing changes, nothing changes. Meditation, having a trustful and knowledgeable mentor, and financially investing in yourself are all important investments that will catapult your growth.
If you’re new to meditation, start with one minute a day, every day (it doesn’t matter what time of day). I cannot stress how important it is to find stillness, clarity, and insight into your intuition. It has all the answers you need and will guide you to your authentic life. There is so much noise in the world so if you feel lost and confused about what you should be doing, you may have a ton of internalized voices from society, family, and friends that you need to sift through to find your own. It can be scary but I promise that once you find it and start to trust it, you will feel so free.
Connect with a mentor in your industry or in an interest of yours. It’s helpful to have guidance, connection, and community with like-minded people. Especially with people who have experience and are doing exactly what you want to be doing. Do some research, but even then I’m sure there is already someone present in your life that could mentor you. Open up, change your perspective, and be receptive.
Invest in yourself financially – whatever that means for you and your industry. The main reason I never put money into my own videos, photoshoots, wardrobe, make-up, and other important things professional dancers need is because I didn’t truly believe in myself. I didn’t think that I was good enough to spend money on myself and I didn’t think that I was good enough to be seen. It’s funny that as dancers we want to be seen but then as soon as we are seen we retract. It’s most important to be seen by yourself before you allow others to see you. I’m confident now knowing that investing in myself is the only thing that I deserve after all of these years.
As we end our chat, is there a book you can leave people with that’s been meaningful to you and your development?
The Self-Love Experiment by Shannon Kaiser.
All you have to do is love yourself and you will have everything you want.
It’s hard to love yourself when you’re not being yourself.
Self-respect at the highest levels comes from honoring your soul.
When you can allow yourself to be where you are instead of where you think you should be or even where you want to be, freedom prevails.
The key to getting anything you want is patience, timing, and trust.
Honor the flow of life.
Our bodies have abundant wisdom to share with us.
The more me I show, the more my life will flow.
Worry is a form of fear disguised as a helpful emotion.
Let go of thinking you are off track or behind.
With your heart as your compass things become more peaceful.
Take care of your inner child.
Being available to receive is part of loving yourself.
Things don’t happen to you, they happen for you.
Your dreams are the invisible architecture of your life. Trust them and honor them.
When you heal yourself, you help to heal the world.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.jamie-skye.com
- Instagram: @jamieskye__
- Youtube: Jamie Skye
- TikTok: @jamieskye__
Image Credits
Aidan Tooth Caelin Moore
