We recently connected with Elijah Seay and have shared our conversation below.
Elijah, first a big thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and insights with us today. I’m sure many of our readers will benefit from your wisdom, and one of the areas where we think your insight might be most helpful is related to imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is holding so many people back from reaching their true and highest potential and so we’d love to hear about your journey and how you overcame imposter syndrome.
Well, not going to lie, that’s a tough one! Honestly, I’m not sure if I ever have overcome imposter syndrome, but I’m not sure I ever want to either.
After graduating from college and entering the workforce, imposter syndrome ran rampant in my mind. I would show up to work almost every single day thinking that this is the day that they finally fire me. It was so difficult to shake the feeling that I was a fraud and that I didn’t deserve to be in the position I was in. My belief wasn’t established in truth, but rather, it was rooted in fear of failure. I didn’t believe I was doing enough to be successful even though I had no feedback stating I was failing or even underperforming. Wrestling with bouts of burnout, stress, and poor decision making about my health were all consequences of the imposter syndrome I just couldn’t release.
The insidious part of imposter syndrome is that you can start to believe that you are on an island and that no one else will be able to empathize with your situation. You can start to believe that you don’t deserve to express emotions of discontentment or discomfort, especially if you’re in a position that you know many people that look like you would be grateful for.
As a black man from a small town in Iowa and a first generation college graduate, I feel like imposter syndrome has continuously followed me throughout my career like a backpack through campus. I would venture to say those that identify with multiple characteristics of intersectionality can also relate. There is that voice inside that likes to creep up and say, “Are you sure that YOU should be here?” Thus begins the doubting, insecurities, and feelings of undeserving.
However, there is a silver lining after all. It took me awhile, but I finally learned that imposter syndrome will keep showing up in my life in many different ways – but now I welcome it. It wasn’t until I became a Leadership Coach that I finally changed my perspective on how imposter syndrome will affect me. Before, I saw imposter syndrome as my reality as I truly believed that the “fraud” was the real me. I believed I was fooling everyone and hiding my weaknesses through my ability to be personable, helpful, and laugh a lot.
Now, I see imposter syndrome no longer as my reality, but simply as an indicator of a new level I just unlocked. Almost like facing the final boss on a level in a video game, but instead of the boss being at the end of the level – it’s at the beginning.
I use the feelings of imposter syndrome to help calibrate me. Although the feeling is unpleasant, I know that if I start experiencing doubt and questioning my abilities, I have now reached a new level in my development. I am in a position of growth, which we know always comes with discomfort. Imposter syndrome is now viewed more as an opportunity rather than an obstacle.
This doesn’t mean that I’m perfect at recognizing when imposter syndrome has arrived. It’s incredible at adapting to our situations and is an expert at disguises – showing up in ways we would never expect. However, once identified, imposter syndrome turns into a compass of where I should go next.
The ability for me to recognize the difference between the real truth and the fake “truth” that imposter syndrome likes to paint has provided me freedom to fully dive into my coaching work. I’m grateful to have the privilege to coach millennial and first-time leaders in helping them utilize these feelings of imposter syndrome to their advantage.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
I am fortunate to say that I was raised in a very loving home with parents that showed me what it was like to give of your time and energy to lift others up. I saw day in and day out how they poured into the lives of others in order to benefit family, friends, and the community. I truly believe it was because of them that I found the path that I did and I’m eternally grateful.
I am joyful for the opportunity to coach people for a living. I am both a millennial leadership coach and a rugby coach – coaching is truly my passion!
What makes coaching millennials and first-time managers so much fun is that I feel like it’s truly a partnership. I get to ride with them in their leadership journeys being their support system, sounding board, cheerleader, confidant, and coach all in one. My clients are all such awesome people who love deepening their skillset and building upon their self-awareness!
In the sports arena, I coach rugby primarily at the high school level, oftentimes along side my wife who has been playing and coaching rugby for 16 years. That is such an important part of my life as we coach girls who have often been told that they weren’t strong or tough enough to play a sport like this. It’s so much fun breaking down those mental barriers and external biases that were placed on them growing up. Rugby has been a life changing experience and I get a thrill of bringing that joy to others.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Active Listening. Adaptability. Awareness.
Active listening is the number one skill I use for coaching. You can’t help someone if you don’t truly hear someone. It’s easy to slip into the natural tendency of anticipating where others are going or what they are trying to say before they finish their thought – trust me, I can still get caught up sometimes. However, I’ve noticed how much more I can actually contribute to the conversation when I have not only heard everything they said, but also, when they have felt fully heard. With that, my advice is that to develop this skill, the goal isn’t simply to hear, but it’s to listen. It’s about taking the time to reflect back what you heard to ensure alignment and understanding – especially when the stakes are high.
Adaptability has been my superpower throughout my whole career. Whether as an HR manager or a coach, I have utilized this skill everyday in order to remain optimistic, problem-solve, and strategize. The ability to adapt is one that provides you with comfort knowing that no matter what, everything is “figureoutable.” Adaptability gives you the power to roll with the punches as well as the cheerfulness to accept new challenges. For those that face difficulty with being adaptable, I would suggest simply putting yourself in situations where you have to adapt. For example, trying to learn new skills or volunteering for new projects. This could be something fun like signing up and going to a new dance class all by yourself. Or possibly taking on a new project at work that you are less familiar with so you have to collaborate to complete it. Anything that can nudge you toward navigating uncertainty is a win!
With awareness, I am referring to both self and other-awareness. This skill is essentially about developing emotional intelligence (EQ) – the number one skill in leadership. The ability to recognize how I show up emotionally has and will continue to be a lifelong journey. I’ve learned over the years that I’m at my best when I have been at my most emotionally intelligent. I feel more connected to others and myself. I feel emotionally regulated and at peace. It’s honestly such a game changer to experience a level of confidence in knowing that I can respond rather than react to any stimulus. That’s why I call this a lifelong journey – because I don’t think EQ is something to master, but an eternal practice that will ebb and flow in my life. My mission is to create less ebb and more flow each and every day. My advice for increasing EQ is simple: practice mindfulness and never give up on yourself. Connect with me if you would like to be on this journey together!
How would you describe your ideal client?
I genuinely have a passion for coaching new leaders and have a deep desire to see them succeed!
I remember what it was like to be a first-time HR manager and feel the imposter syndrome creep in and take over. Not only that – I lacked confidence, didn’t know how to properly give feedback, was challenged with managing conflict, and many other things that made me believe that I wasn’t built to be in my role. I was a sinking ship with no signs of a lighthouse in sight.
Back then, I didn’t know what coaching was or the impact that it could have made on my career. I want to ensure that first-time managers don’t have to experience what I went through all alone, and more importantly, ensure that they have the tools to change their situation for the better.
If you or someone you know is a new leader with 0-5 years of leadership experience, then I would love to connect!
The leadership journey is tough but incredibly rewarding. The best part is that you don’t have to take the trip alone – I got shotgun.
Contact Info:
- Website: clearsevencoaching.com
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/elijah-rogeay-seay/
