We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Victoria Armstrong a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Victoria, sincerely appreciate your selflessness in agreeing to discuss your mental health journey and how you overcame and persisted despite the challenges. Please share with our readers how you overcame. For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.
In spring of 2012, I had a stroke. I was 35, and just starting to see success in my first business. I was left with an invisible disability–issues keeping up in conversations, decision-making challenges, and limited capacity for extended periods of work. My cognitive impairment impacted every aspect of my life, and my early resources for understanding it and reaching out for help overcoming it was limited. it was apparent to me early on that returning to work for someone else was going to be a challenge, and running my consulting firm (a business that had a strong focus on technical writing) was impossible. I have experience overcoming, and I knew that following the formula I’d used so many times before was my best chance at finding a new peace with the changes to my mental capacity (and the post-stroke depression that that more than half of the country’s stroke survivors face. Assess the present, carry what you can from the past, leave what you can’t, and plan the future (finding resources, allies, and hope in any spaces possible). That is the formula.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
I am an artist, writer, and entrepreneur living and working in the beautiful Northern Shenandoah Valley of Virginia. Through my creative aspirations, as well as through the café I own in downtown Winchester, I have been committed to working in service to my local community, statewide activism efforts, and global humanitarian causes. As an artist, my work focuses on putting to canvas the unique vision and representation of color, movement, and detail that is apparent to me only after suffering a stroke in my 30s. My recovery yielded a new way of seeing things and sharing that new vision with others has become a passion filling endless afternoons. My pieces are approachable, suitable in subject matter for homes or offices, and made with the intention that everyone should be able to enjoy, collect, trade, and gift original art. As a writer, I have been involved with a number of regional publications, including Around The Panhandle, Around Harrisonburg, Valley Homes and Style, The Observer, and others. Core audience count included more than 250,000 people across three states, but several columns, articles, and blogs reached even larger audiences across the country. In a business I previously owned and operated, I was a ghostwriter for hundreds of private individuals and a technical writer for numerous corporate clients, including nonprofits, small “main street” businesses, and even Fortune 500 companies. Complementing a life of creative and community-focused pursuits, is my experience as the founder of Hideaway Café, a respected coffee house and community organizing “ground zero” in Winchester, VA. The café is committed to ensuring patrons enjoy a safe space for all guests, regardless of race, color, national origin, age, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, gender expression, religion, etc. I currently serve as a member of the board of directors for Winchester Pride and as an appointed member of the Winchester-Frederick County Tourism Board. Previously I have served on the boards of the ACLU of VA, the LGBTQ Democrats of VA, and the AIDS Response Effort. My life is about connecting with people, fundraising, and supporting community.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Resilience. When all is lost, remember that there is a lot of life ahead of you, and you cannot dig in and give in to the negative thoughts and feelings. You have to pull yourself up.
Understanding how to find, use, and engage resources. These can be people, organizations, even books. Determine what you are lacking when assessing the space between where you are and where you want to be, and find a resource needed to fill that gap.
Forgiveness. I know this seems like an odd inclusion here. But forgiving yourself for mistakes and deficiencies, and learning to forgive others for theirs, saves you a lot of time grieving what-ifs and pivoting to what-can-bes.
What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? Any advice or strategies?
After recovery from stroke, I’ve spent a lot of time understanding your “tank.” As a person, we have a gas tank, just like a car. In the morning, it’s more of less filled (if we woke to feeling peace, slept well, ate our veggies the night before, etc.) and it moves towards empty as the day goes on or the week progresses. People can rob you of drops or gallons. Disappointments can cause a small leak in that tank. Divorce, loss, or illness can reduce the overall capacity it holds. We have to find the things that fill that tank. Perhaps it’s friends. Or fishing (which it is for me). Maybe it’s art (another one of my favorite things). Whatever it is, you have to actively make time–actually schedule the time–to fill that tank. I mean literally put “filling up” on your calendar and don’t let anyone steal that recharge from you. Protect that time, because it’s absolutely critical to you feeling better and feeling that you have improved your quality of life.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.HideawayCafeVA.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hideawaycafeva/?hl=en
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheHideawayCafeVA/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/victoriakidd/
