We recently connected with Lynsey Retzlaff and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Lynsey, great to have you with us today and excited to have you share your wisdom with our readers. Over the years, after speaking with countless do-ers, makers, builders, entrepreneurs, artists and more we’ve noticed that the ability to take risks is central to almost all stories of triumph and so we’re really interested in hearing about your journey with risk and how you developed your risk-taking ability.
I had to force myself to take risks. Risk was a terrifying concept that I didn’t want any part of. As a child, I went through the world anxious and shy and tried not to make waves. I’d walk through the hallways with my eyes on the floor, not wanting someone to notice me. As a young adult, I began drinking to cope with anxiety and low self-esteem and developed a severe alcohol use disorder.
In an attempt to save my life, I was forced into recovery, and it felt terrifying. I didn’t know how I was going to survive without drinking because I didn’t have the skills to cope with anxiety and imposture syndrome. My crutch was gone. I went to AA meetings because other sober people said it worked for them. I was desperate. I knew I couldn’t continue to live the way I was living. I walked into each meeting so scared to talk that my chest broke out in giant, blotchy, red hives. Slowly but surely, the more I went and the more I talked, the anxiety went away. This was the first time I realized the difference between healthy and unhealthy risks.
Even though I felt fearful, it was still a healthy risk to attempt recovery because I knew that sobriety was what I needed. I pushed through the daily fear and worry of “What if this doesn’t work?” Why did it have to get to that point for me to make a change? Of course, addiction and other mental health conditions often cause people a great deal of suffering before they realize (or are forced) to change.
As I recovered, I returned to school, graduated with a Bachelor’s in Social Work, and then went on to get my Master’s in Social Work. When I became a therapist and started to learn different treatments and modalities, I developed language to describe what I did to recover from anxiety and alcohol abuse. Exposure therapy, a therapy where we help people systematically and gradually expose themselves to their fear to lower their anxiety response, is what I did in early recovery with those initial 12-step meetings. I use many of these evidence-based concepts today in my personal life and in the services I provide to working mothers, leaders, and companies to renew their lives and prevent burnout.
Speaking of burnout, the second major moment in my life where I learned the importance of taking risks was when I was in a toxic work environment after I became a new mom. I felt very burnt out and mentally and emotionally exhausted from an unhealthy work environment and trying to juggle working and being a mom. I felt there were limited people in the organization I could talk to for support due to witnessing nonsupportive actions from them. I was worried that if I spoke up, I might lose my job, and I couldn’t risk that being a new mom and having a family. It felt risky; however, pushing through the fear and assessing the pros and cons of talking to my supervisor ultimately led me to leap.
The self-growth I prioritized in recovery and my career as a therapist allowed me to learn practical communication skills and that fear is an opportunity for growth – not a reason to stay still. I learned that I can’t react when I feel high emotions or I become dysregulated. That often leads to inappropriate tone, body language, and ineffective word choice that causes defensiveness in the person I’m talking to. Learning to take a break for a moment, assess how I am feeling, and then come back and address it leads to effective communication and a higher chance of meeting my needs.
After doing all of these steps, I talked to my supervisor. He was highly supportive and said validating things in response to my complicated feelings. He did what he could to change the work environment. His response meant so much to me and was necessary for me to continue taking risks. It would have reinforced my initial fear if a leader met me with backlash, invalidation, or argument. I would have believed speaking up was dangerous. So, surrounding myself with safe and supportive people was imperative.
Ultimately, my immediate supervisor could not change everything in the work environment because it was beyond his control. So here I am – Faced with a decision. Do I stay in this work environment or risk trying to find another job? It wasn’t something I took lightly and required emotional intelligence to make sure I was making the best decision for me and my family. I wanted to face burnout and listen to the internal voice saying more was waiting for me, so I left the job.
Change is a constant. As much as we try to control our world or environment, some things are outside our control. Fear comes when we pivot and make changes. Our perception of change can cause it to feel scary and keep us complacent or it can be a jumping-off point to a renewed life. To be okay with risk and change, we have to learn acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean that we like something; it just means that we are no longer internally fighting reality. We stop saying things like “This shouldn’t be happening” or “Why is this happening?” We simply acknowledge it is happening, with no further judgment added to the statement. By accepting that fear is neither good nor bad, we can make the first steps to better our lives.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
We all struggle with change, fear, or exhaustion in our lives. Through my work as a therapist, I’ve seen this come up for every client I’ve worked with. The only difference is the context. I know how it feels to be scared, unhappy, and tired from trying to make myself happy. I’ve also seen how it is impossible for people to be authentic in environments where they are not safe, seen, and supported. This is called psychological safety. We often think of safety in terms of physical safety. While physical safety is necessary, people must feel psychologically safe to grow, thrive, and be happy.
One of the ways I pivoted my life and career (and yes, it was scary and “risky”) was to use my direct experience working with clients in the therapy office and create my own business that provides mental wellness solutions to companies and working mothers to create supportive and safe environments and healthy minds to prevent burnout. I’m passionate about helping people renew their lives, just as I have, to live a fulfilling life. This cannot be done without healthy minds and safe environments.
For companies, I provide services to retain employees and prevent burnout through speaking, workshops, and panels. People’s standards for work environments are changing. They will not put up with unsupportive and cold leaders or companies anymore. I help leaders and companies retain these valuable employees by teaching them emotional intelligence and psychological safety skills. This way, they have the skills to effectively interact with diverse people and create work environments where people want to stay.
For working mothers, I provide one-on-one coaching to beat burnout and exhaustion due to juggling a family and career. I help them redefine, renew, and reclaim their life story to one that aligns with their authentic selves in The Renewed Working Mom Narrative™ program. More mothers are in the workforce than ever before. Yet, they are still expected to do everything from raising their children, cooking, cleaning, prioritizing their partners, and caring for themselves. They are exhausted. I felt this, too. Becoming a mother rocked my world. It was harder than I expected it to be. Burnout is not a fun place to be and I want other moms to create a new narrative around what it means to be a working mom. One that is authentic to her and challenges societal and gender norms. This is the root cause of burnout for working mothers and I love helping them reclaim their life.
The most special aspect of my services is that they utilize evidence-based therapy concepts and create lasting change. It’s not just about putting band-aids on problems but tackling them at the core. This means we look at unhealthy belief systems and behaviors that contribute to the issue and provide skills and education to combat them, which will also positively affect those around us. Whether that be your family, coworkers, or direct reports, we are all human beings, and it’s easy to forget, or we may never have learned how to effectively treat someone so they feel seen, valued, and supported. This basic skill drastically changes people’s quality of life. This is why I’m working to bridge the gap between home, work, and mental wellness.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Great question! The first is my experience working with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). We often think of trauma as only being a severe form of abuse, a horrific accident, or war experience. These are not the only examples. Trauma is also caused by very stressful emotional or psychological situations that break your sense of security, making you feel fearful or helpless in a world that is now perceived as dangerous. This causes anxiety and painful memories that won’t go away. While working on a residential trauma unit at one of the best behavioral health hospitals in the United States, I learned a great deal about how trauma presents itself and how it affects people, families, and society. This insight allows me to serve my clients better and create services that meet their core needs.
This leads me to the second skill that has been most impactful on my journey. That is emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence allows us to be aware of our internal emotions and beliefs, how they impact ourselves and others, and how to regulate them so we can be supportive and appropriate when dealing with others. What a great skill to have when communicating with someone who has had adverse experiences! And don’t forget, that’s a lot of us! Personally, I use this skill often as a mother. It helps me to stay regulated and aware of my beliefs that can negatively impact my children: perfectionism, anxiety, fear, guilt, or disappointment. If I’m not aware of my reactions, I can easily pass down unhealthy beliefs to my children. No, thanks!
The last area that has impacted my life the most is understanding psychological safety. As I mentioned, people must be their true selves and express their real feelings. We all want to be heard, right? This skill has been a game changer in parenting or working with clients. When you are a safe person who validates and supports you, you are likable and have healthier relationships. In addition, you meet people’s basic core needs, allowing them to grow personally or professionally.
Who has been most helpful in helping you overcome challenges or build and develop the essential skills, qualities or knowledge you needed to be successful?
Actually, it was my direct supervisor I spoke about earlier. He’s a psychologist and worked with me during my time on the trauma unit. I’ve worked with my share of managers and supervisors in the past and they varied from cold and unsupportive to overly involved and lacking boundaries. Both had negative effects. However, my supervisor on the trauma unit was everything I wanted to be as a leader. Not only did he teach me some of the best mental wellness strategies out there, but I identified specific qualities of effective leadership through his mentorship. It really was the perfect combination – learning how trauma affects us all and experiencing an emotionally intelligent leader that provided psychological safety. It’s a beautiful combination.
Through his leadership style and skills, I could feel safe to make mistakes, admit them, grow from them, and fine-tune my skills. He didn’t need to micromanage or use his authority to get results from his team. He showed his human side and maintained appropriate professional boundaries that made me want to do my best because I respected him, and he respected me. I want everyone to experience safety, validation, support, and healthy belief systems at work and home, which is the mission of my mental wellness services.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.lynseyretzlaff.com
- Instagram: www.instagram.com/lynsey.retzlaff
- Facebook: www.facebook.com/lynseyretzlaffllc
- Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/lynseyretzlaff
- Other: FREE RESOURCE: Grab the guide to learn easy and actionable steps to create a purpose-filled life – burnout-free. www.lynseyretzlaff.com/roadmap
Image Credits
Joe Haas Media
