We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Deanna Durbin a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Deanna, we’re so excited for our community to get to know you and learn from your journey and the wisdom you’ve acquired over time. Let’s kick things off with a discussion on self-confidence and self-esteem. How did you develop yours?
This is honestly still a work in progress for me, but I can tell you that my confidence and self-esteem have improved significantly over the last six months! Being just on the other side of the divorce process has pushed, shoved, stretched, pulled, and molded me into the woman I knew I could become if I could only get out of my own way. I’ve been in such desperate situations, seemingly one after another, trying to just keep my head above water. The mental, emotional, and even physical stress of separating my life from someone with Whom I had built an entire life and family with, was so surreal and just as heartbreaking. I still have so much more healing and reconciliation to do within myself and my spirit. Despite the tragic end to my marriage, I somehow managed to find this woman that I have slowly began to fall deeper in love with. I didn’t see her before I endured the pain I went through, I could see glimpses of her at times before, but she is ever so present now. I have slowly began trusting myself and even more than that, God, with my heart, my children, my thoughts, my actions, my finances, and ultimately, my life. With each successful outcome, I lean more into my inner voice, and I trust myself more each day. The fact that I’m still here, alive and well is a testament of not only God’s grace and covering, but of my will to keep going. I have a fighting spirit that sometimes I felt shame about, but I embrace it now and it keeps me moving forward towards bigger and better things in life. My hope is that as people see me begin to use my voice and say what I want to say, they too will be encouraged to be confident in using their voice and seeing themselves as amazing human beings, individually created with intention and gifts.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
I have been a professional wardrobe stylist for about four years. My role is to collaborate with clients to put together a stylish look for a specific project. One of the most enjoyable parts of my job, is finding different styles from various places that just work so beautifully together. I especially love when I pair styles or accessories from different times, maybe years apart that just look like they always belonged together. For example, sometimes I’ll have a dress or a pair of earrings that I just happened to have picked up randomly a few years ago that I hold onto, but hadn’t yet found the right body or look for that specific item, and then one day, it just works! I also find enjoyment when my clients tell me that they never would have picked out a look I styled them in, but they love it. For me, that lets me know that they feel seen. Being a stylist requires a specific eye not only for garments and accessories, but also for people. I often work off of energy when I’m styling. The more my clients become alive and themselves, that’s when I know the look is a hit. If you think about it, we all react that way, don’t we? When we feel sexy, desired, and attractive in an outfit that expresses who we are, we exude a different kind of external confidence. If my client feels confident, they’re going to give their peak performance in front of the camera, whether it’s videos or stills. I have some exciting projects in the works that I would love to share about in the near future, so stay tuned for more!
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Three qualities or skills I learned along my journey are self-motivation, attention to detail, and blocking out the noise. Being a divorced single mom of three young boys, an entrepreneur, board chair of a local nonprofit (Presencia), and a business associate, believe me, I had no choice but to tap into my self-motivation. I am the worst at operational and administrative tasks, so I’ve really had to push myself to stay on top of things. It’s still hard, and I don’t always hit the mark, but I’m proud of the change within myself. If I want to continue becoming the woman I envision, I have to continue to act like her until it becomes natural to me (with the occasional slip up every now and then).
Anyone who knows me knows that I am not that detail oriented, unfortunately, That trait skipped me and trickled down to my younger sister from my Mother. After every shoot, I analyze any video or still footage for any details that I could have fixed or done differently so I’ll know better next time. I’ve had to give myself a lot of patience in this area, and I’m still working on it!
Blocking out the noise for me, means ensuring I’m listening to my spirit before I listen to others, especially when it comes to how others perceive or feel about me. My divorce has taught me that I can trust MY voice and MY intuition. I refuse to live my life based on other people’s opinions. I lost myself doing that. I also had to shift my perception regarding social media. I heard someone say that “comparison is the thief of joy,” and I had experienced that often before. I constantly compared myself to other business owners, stylists, and fashion bloggers, wondering what I was doing wrong. I had to realize that I have not seen the sad and real parts of their journeys, and that what God has for me will find its way when it’s time. The journey is just as precious as the dream. I’m enjoying sitting back and showing up as nothing more than myself, and enjoying the ride of life.
My advice would be to practice self-awareness and analyze things about yourself or the company you’re surrounded by, and note anything or anyone who may be blocking you from your purpose and path. Pray for wisdom and discernment daily, trust yourself, and stop comparing yourself to others and stay rooted in gratitude. If you’re reading this, you’re not done yet! Keep moving forward.
Before we go, any advice you can share with people who are feeling overwhelmed?
When I feel overwhelmed, I pray. Believe me, prayer wasn’t always my go-to method, but I also learned that leaving God out of my decisions often had negative consequences. Music is also very therapeutic for me. I often have music playing in my house, and I like to devote time every night to listening to music. I allow it to inspire me and give voice to big feelings I may have inside that I don’t know how to express otherwise. Whatever it is that brings you peace, allocate time to that thing daily. Whether it’s knitting, painting, cooking, or designing, give your mind time to feel enjoyment and shift your focus towards positive things.
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Image Credits
Photographers: Joe Mapp @joe.mapp | LaTisha Guster @latishaguster | Caleb Hiers @blacshiep_photography Models: Skyler Semien @skylersemien | Euni @eunipop | Khumarie Persaud @khumeleon | Majik Mone’t @majikkmonet MUA and Hair Stylist (black gown with glasses): Rachel Davis @thedollyhousebeauty | Chasty @thecrazedeffect
