We recently connected with Marissa Alma Nick and have shared our conversation below.
Marissa Alma, so good to have you with us today. We’ve got so much planned, so let’s jump right into it. We live in such a diverse world, and in many ways the world is getting better and more understanding but it’s far from perfect. There are so many times where folks find themselves in rooms or situations where they are the only ones that look like them – that might mean being the only woman of color in the room or the only person who grew up in a certain environment etc. Can you talk to us about how you’ve managed to thrive even in situations where you were the only one in the room?
Confidence… And sometimes even indulging in my own delusions of grandeur, for my own benefit. When you aren’t born a white man, it’s inevitable that you’re going to have to swim upstream to earn respect, and to convince anyone to listen to you, about anything other than “mothering,” per say. So I personally think (even channel) some of the women who came before me, all kinds of women… Frida Kahlo, Marie Curie, Joan of Arc, Gloria Steinem, Alice Walker, Oprah and so on… I think of these women, and try to harness their confidence. And as odd as this may sound… I tell myself “have the confidence of a rich white man.”
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
I was always a dancer. That’s what I had studied my whole life, the thing I wanted to do, and the company I created… however, in 2019 I tore my meniscus’s, and that was when everything changed for me.
I had been starting to confront my sexual trauma from when I was a child, and at the time I still had a dance company… so I was making a show about those particular revelations, and the shared experiences between myself and my cast of dancers, and I called it: Rebel In Venus. But then in December 2019, I tore my meniscus while performing (which required surgery), and two weeks later (on the first of the year 1/1/20) my best friend took her own life, and then two months later the pandemic hit, and we were all home. I had to not only deal with multiple losses, but also the trauma I was having a hard time forgetting. And eventually, I started writing… and I realized I was writing a more elaborate version of what the live show had begun as. Of course, this went on for a few years, and I wrote the book while in therapy (both physically and mentally)… and I also had to overcome imposter syndrome. Thankfully, a good friend (early on in the process) read what I had been writing, and encouraged me to meet with her editor… and it all sort of spiraled from there.
What’s been interesting about this process, is allowing one part of me to die, so another ‘new me’ can be born, and learn to make space for her, too. And learning to constantly embrace the unknown… it’s been a sweeping cycle of unknowns, but it feels like being 18 again, with the whole world ahead of me, and that’s the energy I’m excited about. And I have fallen in love with writing, and have found a way to blend all my worlds… writing for the screen. Which is where I am now… working on writing, and optioning “Rebel In Venus” into its next step: an adapted series.
If anything, my brand is, and always has been: the power of vulnerability, which for me shines through in my messaging the is centered around sex-positive feminism + mental health advocacy.
It started in the studio with my myself, then I brought in the dancers, and now it’s made it’s way to the pages, and soon the screen. For me, the more people I can reach with this message, the sooner rape-culture comes to an end for the next generation of girls, and women… and mental health … we can all start to embrace our truth, heal and stop running from ourselves. That’s really my purpose as an artist… to inspire that possibility for our shared future.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Curiosity is one of my most valued skills. . . without it, I have no need for imagination, trial and error, or the ability to want to seek out / create the unknown. So my curiosity about life, people, how things work, how can they be better, and asking why?
Discipline… something I was fortunate enough to learn as a dancer, from a young age. I remember moving to L.A straight out of school, with no money… and so I could not afford to take dance class. So if I wanted to keep up, I had to give myself class… outside in the park. Or take the night shift as a waitress, so I could still make my auditions for dance during the day. I learned early, whatever I want… I have to earn it, and I have to make it so. It has been my light in the dark when I was on crutches for a year, and had to learn to walk again, or create a writing schedule… with my own deadlines, and stick to them. Discipline … It has taught me, I can do anything I want, as long as I’m willing to work for it.
Last, but definitely not least, humility. Without it… I wouldn’t be where I am or know what I know. I have learned and succeeded by failing my way forward. And when I fail, I’ve learned to ask why. I’ve learned to ask for help. I’ve learned to say ” I don’t know how to do this, but I want to… can you please teach me?” Humility keeps you learning, and not falling into the trap of riotousness… because NO ONE ever knows it all. And confidence without humility only perpetuates the ego… which we know to be dangerous, and even isolating. So humility, to stay connected, grounded and learning.
As we end our chat, is there a book you can leave people with that’s been meaningful to you and your development?
I read THE MASTER PLAN by Chris Wilson, which is about his journey from death-row to essentially becoming the man he always dreamt of becoming. I cried two pages in, and could not put it down… but the the thing that stuck out, the thing I kept going back to, was: accountability. He wrote about how easy it was for him to chose to blame his childhood, racism, the system… everything, and anything, but at some point (and I don’t want to give it away) he realized the only way he was going to make it out of the situation he had gotten himself into, was by taking accountability. And that is something I had held onto… it’s too easy to blame everyone, and everything… but that just gives your power away. It’s too easy, it’s too “this is your fault, I had nothing to do with it. I’m the victim.” – and that’s when nothing changes. So yeah, it actually is on you, and that’s not a bad thing… it means YOU have the power to make the change, as small as the first step might be… you can make that change.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.rebelinvenus.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marissaalmanick
Image Credits
All photographs of Marissa Alma Nick, by Jade Lilly
