We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Amy Wade. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Amy below.
Amy, so good to have you with us today. We’ve always been impressed with folks who have a very clear sense of purpose and so maybe we can jump right in and talk about how you found your purpose?
I think some people are born with an innate sense of purpose and duty. They live their lives fully and passionately, confident in the direction they are going. This wasn’t the case for me. Up until 4 years ago, I was an atheist. The truth is, I WANTED to believe in a God, a higher power, a Spirit of love and light… but I had lost faith in myself, and humanity as a whole. I had struggled with suicidal depression for most of my life. I tried to overcome it with therapy, exercise, a healthy diet… I saw hundreds of doctors and psychiatrists, all of whom convinced me to take anti-depressants and bipolar drugs. Nothing worked. I even tried electric shock treatments, but the depression intensified with each passing year. I felt hopeless and doomed. I used to say to people, “If God exists, why is there so much suffering?” I didn’t feel I had a purpose. I didn’t feel worthy of existence. By October of the year 2020, I was overwhelmed with self-hatred, pity, and despair. I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I felt soul-less. Like I was stuck in a black hole of eternity.
I was ready to end my life.
Then, a miracle happened. My friend (an angel) intervened on the day I was planning to kill myself. She told me about a place in Mexico that worked with shamans and sacred medicines. She begged me to go. She believed they could help me. I was skeptical, but somehow found the strength and courage to make the trip. I have never been so scared in my life! When I got there, the shamans surrounded me, singing and praying and blessing me with scented oils. One of the shamans gave me a pipe and told me to inhale the smoke. Then he instructed me to hold my breath for ten seconds, and then slowly exhale.
I had no choice but to COMPLETELY SURRENDER TO THE UNNKOWN.
This is the moment that changed my life forever. As I exhaled the smoke from my body, I felt the most palpable, undeniable presence of GOD, cradling me in His arms! An overwhelming sense of PEACE, LOVE and UNITY consumed my body and soul to where I became nothing and everything at once. I was a molecule in the universe, floating in a river of LOVE and LIGHT and HEALING. God was there, holding me, healing me, and FORGIVING me for not believing in Him. For the first time IN MY LIFE, I felt freedom from suffering. Oh the feeling was indescribable!!! Even as I write this, my heart overflows with gratitude for this miracle God gave me. But my journey was far from over. After I experienced what seemed like death, (in the most beautiful sense) God opened a window to my soul and when I looked up, I saw them. The DEMONS. Yes, there were hundreds of them; grotesque and distorted, worse than any horror film I’ve ever seen. Some of them had giant fangs, dripping with blood and saliva. Others had horns and razor sharp claws. Their eyes were yellow and red and black and full of hatred. For ME. They stared at me, with a look of shock and fury. At THAT MOMENT, I had the realization that the demons were the cause of my suffering. All of these years, they had been hiding in my SOUL. I was terrified! But in the weirdest way, I was also relieved. I had finally found the cause of my suffering! With GOD behind me, holding me and protecting me, I found my courage. “I SEE YOU!” I shouted to the demons. (They did not like that. LOL) They were not ready to give up my soul. All of a sudden, they came charging toward me- growling, drooling, foaming at the mouth.. bloody claws and limbs reaching for me, waiting to tear me apart. I braced myself for the impact. I had no choice but to surrender to my faith in GOD…
They couldn’t reach me. They came within centimeters of my face and body. I felt the heat from their bodies, I felt their saliva dripping on my face. I tried to shield myself from their attack, flailing my arms and legs from their fangs and claws, but it wasn’t necessary. God had my back. They couldn’t touch me, (oh, but they tried!) hovering over my face, spitting and growling at me, trying to break me. Then, a volcano of energy came surging out of me- it felt like my body was purging a lifetime of darkness, toxicity, evil, and poison from my soul. I tilted my head back toward the sky and released the most blood-curdling, painful, agonizing screams that lasted for what seemed like minutes. My soul was purging the demons.
When I opened my eyes, the shamans were singing and praying all around me. I was drenched in sweat and tears were flowing down my face. We all knew a miracle had happened. I had been saved. It was an exorcism. Big word, I know. But I can’t deny it. It happened to me, and I’m alive to talk about it. My entire life has changed for the better since this experience. I have purpose and meaning in my life. I believe everything happens for a reason, and I have no doubt this is part of God’s plan for me. To share my journey and to help others find relief from suffering. Although I was saved, I still have a lot of healing to do. It’s been four years since that experience, and I have worked diligently every day to stay on the healing path.
Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
Since I began the journey of self-healing, my priorities in life have changed. When I wake up each day, I say my prayers. I thank God for all of the blessings in my life. My heart is full of gratitude for my amazing fiance, my family, my friends, and our animal companions. I meditate every day, which I’ve been doing for over 4 years now. Meditation and mindfulness training keeps me grounded, among other spiritual practices like yoga, ice-baths, and breathwork. Developing these new habits have helped me immensely. My experience in Mexico was just the beginning of my spiritual awakening. Since then, I’ve worked hard to continue healing. It hasn’t been easy. There are days when I feel like I’m regressing. I’ve had major setbacks and challenges. I’ve traveled to MEXICO several more times, to work with shamans and sacred plant medicines. My ceremonies with ayahuasca have been profoundly transformational and healing. Also known as “Mamacita” and “Vine of the Soul,” ayahuasca has helped me release dark energy, demons, traumas, and suffering. The ceremonies can be scary and exhausting, but the healing that occurs is unlike anything your brain can fathom. “Mamacita” guides you on a journey into your SOUL. Working with psychedelic medicines saved my life. I haven’t taken a pharmaceutical drug in over 4 years. My views about Big Pharma are too complicated to discuss in this forum. Let me just say that I’m living proof you can heal from depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, addiction, and PTSD without toxic pharmaceutical drugs. It’s not easy. You have to put in the work. You have to be brave enough to face your fears, and the unknown. But I assure you, the journey is SO WORTHWHILE.
I no longer think about suicide. That’s another miracle. It’s hard to believe I thought about killing myself every day for over 30 years. Those were my demons. The darkness almost consumed me, but yet here I am to tell my story. God had another plan for me.
I’m still healing, growing, and learning. I’m currently working on a documentary about psychedelic medicines, the shamans I’ve worked with, and my personal journey from darkness to light. The film will take many years to complete. I’m taking my time, trusting the universe will guide me.
Am I still an actress? Yes, of course. I love acting! I love writing, storytelling, and creating. I just started my third screenplay, and I’m excited to develop the characters and storyline. My last screenplay was produced for the Lifetime movie channel and will be premiering soon. It’s called SECLUSION.
There are many great things happening in 2024. I’m grateful for each and every day.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
The qualities of courage, resilience, and compassion have been most valuable throughout my life. Learning to be brave was something my parents taught me at a young age. They encouraged me to face my fears, and not be afraid to fail. As long as I tried my best, the outcome didn’t matter. Resilience has also played a key role throughout my life. No matter how many times I fell down, fucked up, or lost my way, my parents encouraged me to get back up again. The third most important quality they instilled in me was to have compassion for others. Especially those who might not be able to stand up for themselves. It is our duty to protect and serve those less fortunate. This includes the animal kingdom, of course. My advice to anyone struggling in life, whether it’s due to rejection, failure, setbacks, or more serious issues like depression, addiction, or PTSD, know that YOU CAN HEAL. You really ARE braver than you think. That’s not just a cliche’ statement. If I can do it, so can YOU!
Awesome, really appreciate you opening up with us today and before we close maybe you can share a book recommendation with us. Has there been a book that’s been impactful in your growth and development?
The Power of NOW, by Eckhart Tolle. I’ve read it 14 times! No joke. This book has been the most influential on my path to inner peace and healing. It’s not an easy book to read, which is why I’ve read it so many times. Eckhart Tolle is one of my favorite spiritual teachers. His wit, wisdom, humor, and life experience is fascinating and eye-opening. I have gained valuable knowledge from his teachings, and continue to do so.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.amywade.com
- Instagram: www.instagram.com/amywadeactress
- Facebook: www.facebook.com/amywadefilmmaker
- Youtube: www.youtube.com/amywadeactress
- Other: www.imdb.me/amywade www.amyhasissues.blogspot.com (My BLOG!) www.bostoncasting.com/amywade
Image Credits
Anthony Grassetti Brian LaBella
