We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Brenda Mailer. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Brenda below.
Hi Brenda, really happy you were able to join us today and we’re looking forward to sharing your story and insights with our readers. Let’s start with the heart of it all – purpose. How did you find your purpose?
First, thank you for having me! It’s a pleasure to be here.
I believe our purpose forms through our lived experiences, uncovering what’s truly important to us, and our skills and talents we bring into this world.
I feel it’s also important to recognize that our life purpose might not be just one thing, but a combination of things over time, so I invite you to be open to that. Mine has adapted over the years, you might notice the same. Especially as we move through various stages of life and experiences. Through following our passions and uncovering purpose we can bring so much positive expansion into our lives and the lives of others.
Over the years, my purpose has been a combination of to helping others find clarity about their life, while also supporting them through emotional ups and downs, and coming into a more compassionate relationship with their self. This has shown up in many forms and instances. If I was to try to find the theme, I’d say my purpose is about both embracing the human life and liberation from what holds us back.
So how did my journey of purpose unfold?
As a young girl, I always sought equality and seeing the value in everyone. I had a compassionate lens and a listening ear that led friends to lean on me when they needed to talk. I didn’t realize it then, but I think I was a natural listener.
But as I neared graduation, I took an unexpected turn. I got caught up in the world of drugs from the end of high school to my early 20’s. Looking back I don’t see this as a downfall. I am lucky I made it out, but I learned so much through that lived experience.
During this time, it opened my eyes up to a world I had no idea existed. I realized how naive I was to some of the the realities of the world. Through those hard years, I learned about challenges I hadn’t faced before, the pain-state of humanity, and how the choices we make can have a lifetime impact. But I also discovered we can find courage and resilience to make change, even when it feels unfathomable. The human experience comes with a lot of resiliency.
As I exited that world, and became free of addiction, I worked my way into the world of finance, having done well in high school accounting. Here I sharpened the skill of asking questions for clarity about people’s financial needs and desires. I built knowledge in financial avenues, honed my communication skills and discovered my ability to building relationships with clients. I loved being of service. It felt important.
Meanwhile, I had been still cycling through some drinking patterns and was facing losing my father to cancer. After an enlightening conversation with a friend about reflecting on my future, I decided to stop drinking, only a month before losing my father to cancer. I am so grateful I was able to walk through that experience sober. But now I realized I needed to face the emotions buried within me. I decided to work with a life coach. After some time of working with the tender parts of me, we were coming out the other side and getting in touch with what was important to me, my values. We began to also explore my passions. I immediately connected with my love of yoga and dancing. Enthralled at a new opportunity of leaning into heart-felt passions, I quickly signed up to take my yoga teacher training. This new journey opened my mind to a whole new world of philosophy, teaching, and exciting possibilities.
Walking through the 14 month experience of my Dad facing cancer, I saw the preciousness of life and how we need follow our heart, because we don’t know how long we’ll get. He was finally getting ready to retire. His life challenge helped me face my challenge of binge drinking. My conviction grew to live life authentically and in ways that bring feelings of joy, fulfillment, and no regrets where I followed my heart and what was most important to me. I knew I was on the right track.
I left the bank shortly about a year and a half later, excited about the power yoga had to help people live better lives, as it had for me. I signed up for a life coaching program that aligned well with my yoga studies and developed a whole new set of skills, while also opening up to more innate abilities ready to be used.
What I realized over the years as I stepped into my purpose.
My life challenges were the seeds for my souls growth. Without those lived experiences I would not be who I am, nor be able to help others the way I do.
Knowing what is most important to you drives your decision making. When it is truthful and from the core of your being, you know you’ll end up where you want to be.
And finally, we are all unique and have skills and talents to bring to the world. My ability to listen to what’s underneath a story when asking questions feels like an innate skill, and I can support people from there.
What I’ve discovered about my purpose is this:
I needed to walk those paths of pain and challenge to make me the resilient, compassionate, courageous person I am now. By aligning with my values of personal growth, service, and well-being, I now dedicate my life experiences, passions, and skills toward the betterment of others’ lives.
Right now that is facilitated through life coaching and yoga. Someday it might shift avenues or modalities, or I may learn or grow in a new way, but right now this is my purpose and I’m proud to walk it.
So I invite your audience to ask themselves.
What are the lessons you’ve learned through your life experiences?
What is truly important to you, that you’re passionate about?
What innate skills or talents do you bring into the world?
Within these and your heart, lives your purpose.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
One thing I’ve realized over my journey so far is how important the relationship you have to yourself is. If I didn’t believe I was worthy of more in my years of addiction, I very well could have stayed there or worse, not made it through.
It was first through my journey of coming home to myself through yoga, and the connection with mind, body, and spirit that led me to a deeper understanding of myself. Through the practice, I met myself in my physical body, where I began to unravel the lived experience within me. Then as I quieted my mind and started to hear my inner commentary, I discovered the emotional impact those thoughts were having. This was when I sought support of a life coach to uncover the beliefs and move through those feelings that were trapped and holding me back.
Through yoga, meditation, contemplation, and support with a life coaching, I have been able to access more self-awareness and compassionate internal responses to support self-inspired action and meaningful change in my life.
I’ve come to love and respect myself in a way that allows me to honour and act in ways that serve me in all areas of my life.
It’s not always an easy path to look inside, but it’s one that will give you the most profound change on the outside. We think we can change the outside and the inside will change, it may influence it, but true lasting change happens within.
It is the relationship you have with yourself, that is the most important relationship you will ever have. The one that will last a lifetime.
My work now focuses on helping people connect to their whole self, in mind, body and spirit. The mind in our beliefs, perceptions, and thoughts. The body in our movement, breath, and body awareness. The spirit in the essence of light and life that lives within us, our emotional and energetic self. As we come into connection with our whole self through these pathways, we unravel the conditions we’ve been living under and open up to the true possibilities that are alive within.
In my life coaching work, we focus in on the mind and our beliefs that are guiding our lives, influencing our emotions and our actions in the world. Using body awareness is a helpful pathway to support this work. I’ve had the privilege of working with clients from Canada, US, and even abroad. Having continual support to work through the challenges you face, the barriers that keep you stuck, and finding the path to your meaningful life is liberating. I offer a free call to prospective clients to see if we’re a good fit to work together. I also offer a free workbook, Pathway to Clarity, on my website to help you uncover your values to start making decisions in alignment with what’s important to you.
As a yoga instructor, I support students in building their body awareness and we come into relationship with ourselves through observation and compassionate curiosity. I support yoga practitioners in a variety of ways; locally with private and group classes in Nova Scotia, as well as on the Insight Timer Meditation app where I offer live yoga classes and meditations, and finally I have a number of free yoga practices and meditations available on YouTube.
I’ve seen how this work has influenced my life and it feels profoundly meaningful and important to be able to support others in these times when we can feel quite disconnected, alone, and pulled in so many different directions. Coming home to yourself is the way to find meaning and trust in it all.
I’d be honoured for your readers to reach out if they feel called. I’m here to help you See Your Bright Spirit!
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Looking back on my journey, much of my personal transformation began with mindfulness in my yoga practice, then expanded outward from there. Practicing mindfulness meant, not distracting myself with the radio when driving or the TV or a video when eating. It also meant that I paid more attention to my breath and all of the senses in my body. I heard the birds while walking one day and it actually stopped me in my tracks. I had walked that path many times before, but typically with headphones on. Mindfulness brings you back into connection with the world around you. And in a world where we all feel so disconnected this can be a transformative and healing experience.
To work with the practice of mindfulness you start by noticing your senses, sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. Focusing on one at a time slows things down and brings you in to connection with it. Another powerful practice is to start to observe your breath and its patterns, or simply using it to ground you back into the present moment.
The next area that supported my journey was cultivating a better connection with my body. This meant moving my body, walking, hiking, doing yoga, getting massages and other therapeutic treatments to help feel my body and release tension or old patterns. As I became connected to my physical body, it helped me acquaint myself with my emotional body. Previously, I would often avoid how I felt, distract myself, or disregard my emotions completely.
The body gives messages through sensation and emotions. It is our role to listen and act upon them. Becoming body aware and developing emotional intelligence has a profound impact on your health, well-being, relationship with your self, and others. We cultivate compassion and empathy that serves all relationships. By engaging in any mindful movement you begin to enhance this connection to your inner world.
That lead me even more inward, into meditation and contemplation. As we create this more mindful, body aware experience, we must at some point meet the workings of our mind. The mind is a storehouse of all of your past experiences. Every situation you meet now, your mind derives the course of action through past experiences. In order to make changes in our lives, we must meet those old habit patterns so we can support and shift them as needed.
Through meditation, the observation of the mind, learning to gently calm and quiet the roaming thoughts, we cultivate a state of inner peace. In this peaceful place we can meet our minds tendencies with compassion. The practice of contemplation, outside of meditation, or after, adds in a deeper awareness to work with what arises in the mind. We meet old memories, patterns of thinking, and we get curious about what our mind is experiencing or attending to.
In my experience practices that bring you into deeper connections with yourself like these are helpful and open new pathways for living an authentic, purposeful, and fulfilling life.
Who has been most helpful in helping you overcome challenges or build and develop the essential skills, qualities or knowledge you needed to be successful?
While there have been people that have supported and encouraged me, including friends, teachers, and various coaches, the only person that has made any of the progress possible is me.
I was the one that had to walk through the challenging days of overcoming addition. I was the one that had to hold my hand and cry myself to sleep as I let go of my father. I was the one that had to take a chance on myself and leave behind a successful career to pursue one that felt more fulfilling, passionate and full of purpose.
And I say this to my clients too.
Our relationship with ourselves is the relationship that will last our whole lifetime.
We need to take care of how we care for ourselves; how we talk to ourselves; how we encourage and support ourselves; and how we act on our own behalf.
And if we can give ourselves the attention we’ve always been looking for out in the world, so much changes.
No one knows what you need more than you do. You are the one that will always be there for you. Learning the pathways to tend to that connection will serve you for a lifetime.
Check in with the parts of you that are longing to be seen, felt, and heard. It’s your role to be there for yourself in this way.
And each of us can. Gather the support you need and become your own best friend.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.seabrightspirit.ca
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SeabrightSpirit
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/brendamailer/
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUtCpQLvy5ZhaIpOXKb-0Gg
- Other: https://insighttimer.com/brendamailer
