Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Rebecca Johnson. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Hi Rebecca, really happy you were able to join us today and we’re looking forward to sharing your story and insights with our readers. Let’s start with the heart of it all – purpose. How did you find your purpose?
I grew up in a small town with a small-town mindset. I never thought I would be anything more than a small-town girl. I would probably work in a restaurant or factory my entire life, get married, have kids, and recycle this way of life for all generations to come.
This is exactly what happened, and I had a very mediocre life until my husband Tom died. There wasn’t even anything tragic about his death. Tom passed away in his sleep as if he decided he was simply done with this world.
Just 6 weeks later, my entire life changed. I was diagnosed with a rare eye cancer, Ocular Melanoma. My only viable option was to remove my right eye or death. In the midst of grief, this was a hard decision to make. The thought of not doing anything and ending my own suffering was appealing but ultimately it was the words of my son that made me choose to live, “I can’t lose another parent.”
Ocular Melanoma is an incurable cancer with a high rate of metastasis which ultimately ends in death. It is one of the rarest and most fatal cancers, but you don’t hear that much about it. Approximately 2500 people are diagnosed annually in the United States so this makes research and finding a cure even harder.
After my eye was removed, I thought that would be it, but it wasn’t. The cancer had already spread outside of the eye and then I had to do a round of radiation. This drastically increased my chances of metastatic cancer but wasn’t something I really shared. I just kept this knowledge to myself, secretly waiting for it to return. A very unhealthy obsession.
A psychic would later tell me I manifested eye cancer because I couldn’t see a future without my husband, and I didn’t want to live without him. Thinking back now, maybe she was right, but not in her interpretation. Sure, I felt the pain of grief and loss, for my husband and my eye, but there was a feeling deep inside of me that I couldn’t quite place until years later.
It was freedom! Freedom to be me! Freedom to discover the world on my terms. Even though I had lost an eye, I could finally see. I was manifesting the life I have now, and it certainly wasn’t easy getting to this point. There were many other trials to get to where I am today.
After a few years of doing some self-work and finding the vulnerability in telling my story, I discovered podcasting. I wasn’t sure what I was doing or what the purpose behind it was. I only had a thought but soon after finding my confidence behind the mic, I discovered my message. Through my podcast I would share my stories as a guide for widows on a path of self-discovery. I realized quickly that the widowhood journey is about the Widow and not the dead husband.
To truly understand this message, I had to break free from the stereotypes of Widows. There are too many unspoken rules of being a Widow and they absolutely don’t apply to life today. Times have changed and so have women! We are stronger, more confident, and outspoken than ever but when it comes to grief, we tend to give in and go along with what society expects.
We hear the words, “there is no right or wrong way to grieve” but do we actually listen? No! I felt we needed something a little more in your face. A little more empowering. Something that Widows can resonate with and have as their own. A way to get the same message across but with more confidence.
That is how “Widow Your Way” became my purpose.
My journey through Widowhood is what lead me to wanting to find more purpose and meaning in my life. But it wasn’t until my most recent Stage IV liver cancer diagnosis that I feel my full transformation is upon me.
We are told to live in the present. We can’t change the past or control the future. I have been trying to live more in the present, but a terminal cancer diagnosis has me looking more towards the future. The ultimate question is what do I want to do for the remainder of my life? What will bring me joy?
I have been searching for joy for so long, thinking that I would never find it. Never know what it actually feels like, but when asked this question, without hesitation I said podcasting. Podcasting brings me joy. Knowing that I am helping Widows through their grief. Letting them know they are more than just Widows. Encouraging them to widow their way! But now I want to take it a step further.
I think back to the theme of mine and Tom’s wedding, Happily Ever After! I used to think I was robbed of this fairy tale ending. I almost stopped believing in love all together, until I realized this entire time, I was just learning to love myself.
So my new message and purpose in life and podcasting is that no matter what, you can live happily even after.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
Before my Stage IV cancer diagnosis, I was in the process of starting an HR consulting business for grief in the workplace. It took months of hard work and dedication. I even had my first client scheduled. This was halted quickly due to cancer and the intense treatment plan.
Luckily, I qualified for the first ever FDA approved drug for Metastatic Ocular Melanoma, Kimmtrak. The treatment is a weekly immunotherapy that will be for the remainder of my life. The side effects from treatment are getting better, and sometimes makes me feel this business opportunity may still not be out of reach.
But in the meantime, I’ve been thinking about how to spread my message to as many widows as possible. I’ve decided to leave the hidden comforts behind the mic and expand to the stage! Public speaking makes me nervous, so I need to brush up on my speaking skills. My dream is to be on a Ted X stage.
I’m also very excited to share that I will be writing a book this year. The podcast is only a glimpse into my story and there is so much more to share. So many stories and people on my journey deserve to be recognized. I hope this book will be a testament to not only my growth and transformation as a Widow, but an inspiration to all who are grieving. I also want this book to be a guide for my family and friends when they are grieving me.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Looking back, the three qualities that were most impactful in my journey were resilience, authenticity, and adaptability. Resilience helped me bounce back from setbacks, authenticity allowed me to stay true to myself and my values, and adaptability enabled me to navigate through changes and challenges with grace.
For those who are early in their widowhood journey, my advice would be to go therapy and find community. Therapy is something I didn’t do right away and when I did, I didn’t feel like it was focusing on processing my grief. Instead of finding another therapist I just quit. I truly believe therapy would have been more beneficial if I had found it sooner. By the time I found a community of Widows, I could tell it wasn’t right for what I needed in my life at the time.
You should always find a community of like-minded people for anything really. It is very important to know searching for a Widow support group, that not everyone is going to share your same experience with grief. It is very easy to stay stuck in the pain of loss if you are surrounding yourself with people who don’t see a way out. It’s okay to leave a group, find another group, or even create your own. Not everyone’s experience with grief is going to be meaningful to you.
Remember, growth often happens outside of your comfort zone, so don’t be afraid to step into the unknown and embrace the journey ahead.
As we end our chat, is there a book you can leave people with that’s been meaningful to you and your development?
The only grief book I’ve ever read was Finding Meaning, The Sixth Stage of Grief by David Kessler. This book found me at the right time in my life. I felt like I was all alone in my grief journey. I couldn’t resonate with Widows who just lost their husbands, and I couldn’t resonate with Widows that have remarried with a whole new life. I was somewhere in between, but also had a desire to help other people and didn’t know how.
In my quest for more, I struggled with starting a podcast. I was overly concerned with how I would represent my husband and how his family would react. I was also concerned about offending other Widows by making it more about me and less about my dead husband.
Turns out that many Widows relate to the struggles in my marriage and are okay with the fact that I’m not idolizing my husband. My husband’s family is totally supportive, I have also found that many Widows appreciate the fact that I’m recognizing that they are priority as sometimes grief conversation tend to be more geared towards the person that is gone. They are the ones still alive, and they deserve to be happy.
My advice to any those looking for purpose after a tragic experience or trauma, you are already on the right track simply by wanting more. Find the courage and go for it. We all have a story, and the world needs your story!
Contact Info:
- Website: https://widowyourway.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/loveisnotdead_justmyhusband/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/loveisnotdeadjustmyhusband
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rebecca-johnson-widowyourway/
Image Credits
Tiene Holsonback – Kasteel Photography Wilmington, NC
