Meet Alex Merritt

We were lucky to catch up with Alex Merritt recently and have shared our conversation below.

Alex, thank you so much for joining us today. Let’s jump right into something we’re really interested in hearing about from you – being the only one in the room. So many of us find ourselves as the only woman in the room, the only immigrant or the only artist in the room, etc. Can you talk to us about how you have learned to be effective and successful in situations where you are the only one in the room like you?
From the outset of my engineering journey, I embraced the understanding that diversity was not just a goal but a necessity in the field. This realization came early on as an Emerson scholar, where I learned that my presence was not just welcomed but needed as many organizations like the National Society of Black Engineers – exist to increase the number of Black engineers. This sense of purpose became my compass, guiding me through my studies in mechanical engineering—a path where I often found myself as the only woman and the only Black person in the room.

My educational foundation did more than just impart knowledge; it connected me with a legacy of Black leaders and professionals. Though none were engineers, their stories and successes instilled in me a high expectation of excellence and a profound sense of responsibility to pave the way for others to enter similar spaces.

Understanding that I was often not the first to break these barriers, I sought inspiration from those who had come before me. Their stories were not just lessons in history but beacons of possibility, illuminating the path I aimed to follow. This perspective was invaluable, not only in my academic pursuits but also as I transitioned into the professional world.

Joining a Fortune 500 food company, I navigated the first decade of my career in manufacturing facilities, often located in small towns. There, I frequently found myself as the first and only Black woman in my role. One of the most transformative realizations of my career was recognizing that my seat at the table was not just deserved but that my unique background and insights added unparalleled value to the company. My experiences offered my colleagues a window into perspectives they could not gain through any book or travel. My approach to problem-solving, grounded in the universal principles of physics, mathematics, and thermodynamics, was enriched by my upbringing in an urban city center, allowing me to propose solutions that resonated and succeeded.

My journey has been about more than just personal success; it’s been a commitment to authenticity and making a positive impact. By sharing my experiences and insights, I’ve been able to provide my peers with access to a world they might not have otherwise encountered, bridging gaps and fostering a deeper understanding and appreciation for diversity in our field.

Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
As The Love Engineer, my mission is to bring logic to love. In other words, to unravel the complexities of love by applying a logical framework to the emotional landscape of relationships. My belief is that by weaving logic into the fabric of love, we can arm smart, ambitious women and the men who adore them with the critical tools, skills, and resources necessary for loving and being loved, thus forging fulfilling and enduring relationships. This work is predicated on the conviction that love, when navigated with a balanced mix of logic and emotion, can blossom into rewarding partnerships, both personally and professionally.

One of my most thrilling projects is The War on Love Games, a card game crafted to encourage healthy, enjoyable, and effective communication in relationships. This initiative stands out because it addresses common communication challenges not with reproach but through engaging and playful interventions, fostering deeper connections and understanding between players, be they friends, strangers, or partners. It transforms the ‘work’ of building relationships into an enjoyable adventure, nurturing love that is both resilient and joyful.

Additionally, I am the creator and host of Dessert & Discussion, an inventive event series where individuals, regardless of their relationship status, gather in a relaxed setting to explore topics of love, sex, and relationships over dessert and drinks. This platform is distinctive for its promotion of frank, enjoyable dialogue, facilitating enlightening exchanges that encourage participants to converse with, not at, each other. These conversations are vital; they dismantle barriers and dispel myths, paving the way for new insights and understandings that are often overlooked in the daily grind.

A pivotal extension of my mission is the I Declare Love podcast, released weekly. This platform allows me to reach a broader audience, sharing insights, stories, and strategies for navigating the intricacies of love and relationships. It’s a space where listeners can engage with the principles of logical love on a regular basis, becoming part of a larger conversation about transforming the way we love.

What excites me the most about my work is the chance to observe real-time shifts in people’s relationship perspectives and practices. Through The War on Love Games, Dessert & Discussion, and the I Declare Love podcast, I’ve witnessed the transformative impact of strategic communication and the creation of spaces for authentic interactions.

My brand transcends traditional advice; it’s about crafting experiences that fundamentally change lives. It’s a movement toward more intentional, understanding, and satisfying relationships. In a world where love can sometimes seem like a battleground, my goal is to quell the battle of the sexes by equipping lovers with the knowledge, humor, and strategies necessary to triumph in love, both individually and together.

Stay tuned for new editions of The War on Love Games and the expansion of our incredible community of men and women dedicated to overcoming relational dysfunction and fostering healthy, loving relationships.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Reflecting on my journey as The Love Engineer, three qualities stand out as pivotal to my success and impact are: self-discovery, communication skills, and a commitment to continuous learning.

Incorporating the wisdom of the Persian poet Rumi into the foundation of my journey, one pivotal lesson that has greatly influenced my success is the principle of self-discovery and overcoming internal barriers to love. Rumi eloquently stated, “Your task is not to seek for love but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” This profound insight has guided me to prioritize introspection and the dismantling of self-imposed limitations that hinder the ability to love and be loved.

Self-Discovery: Embracing this principle has meant embarking on a continuous journey of self-exploration to identify and address the fears, biases, and past experiences that often serve as obstacles to forming deep and meaningful connections. Recognizing that the greatest challenges to love often lie within ourselves has been transformative. Advice for improvement: Engage in regular self-reflection to uncover and understand your own barriers to love. Utilize tools like journaling, therapy, and mindfulness practices to facilitate this introspective process. Embrace vulnerability as a strength, allowing you to confront and dismantle these barriers, fostering a more open and receptive heart.

Communication Skills: Essential for fostering healthy relationships and engaging dialogues, whether in The War on Love Games or during Dessert & Discussion events. Effective communication has allowed me to facilitate meaningful conversations and help others express their feelings and needs constructively. Advice for improvement: Practice active listening and clear, assertive expression. Engage in discussions that challenge you to articulate your thoughts and stay open to understand those of others. Eliminate the concept of right and wrong from your communication repertoire,

Commitment to Continuous Learning: The field of love and relationships is ever-evolving. Staying informed about the latest research, theories, and methodologies has enabled me to innovate and keep my initiatives relevant and impactful. Advice for improvement: Stay curious and open-minded. Seek out resources, attend workshops, and engage with communities that challenge and expand your understanding of relationships.

For those early in their journey, my advice is to embrace these qualities not just as skills to be developed, but as lifelong practices to be woven into the fabric of your personal and professional life. Embrace challenges as opportunities for growth, and remember, the journey to improving relationships—like any great engineering project—requires patience, persistence, and a willingness to iterate and adapt.

Before we go, maybe you can tell us a bit about your parents and what you feel was the most impactful thing they did for you?
Reflecting on the profound impact my parents have had on my life, the most significant gift they bestowed upon me was the dual teaching of trusting my own judgment and fostering a personal dialogue with God. This invaluable guidance laid the foundation for my self-confidence, empowering me to navigate challenges with resilience and grace. They instilled in me the belief that I possessed the inner wisdom to discern my path, coupled with the understanding that life’s trials often come without clear blame, urging me to take responsibility for my actions and their outcomes.

A pivotal moment that encapsulates this lesson occurred during what seemed like a routine shopping trip for school shoes. It was then I learned a crucial life lesson: while seeking expert advice is beneficial, the ultimate decision must rest with me. This principle of autonomy and self-trust has been a guiding light throughout my journey, influencing not only minor choices but also significant life decisions.

Moreover, the concept of having a direct, conversational relationship with God was transformative. It provided me with a sense of assurance and a tangible connection to the divine, offering both solace and strength in times of need. This spiritual grounding predated popular concepts such as manifesting and the law of attraction, yet I experienced the power of these principles from a young age, thanks to my parents’ teachings.

In essence, the most impactful legacy my parents have given me is the conviction to trust my own instincts, coupled with a profound spiritual connection. This dual foundation has been not just a guiding principle but a source of relentless strength and clarity in my life, for which I am eternally grateful.

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