We were lucky to catch up with Charlie Alexander recently and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Charlie, so happy to have you on the platform and I think our readers are in for a treat because you’ve got such an interesting story and so much insight and wisdom. So, let’s start with a topic that is relevant to everyone, regardless of industry etc. What do you do for self-care and how has it impacted you?
Ahh, yes, self-care. Well, I have not always been the best at caring for myself. I used to get caught up in trying to make time for bubble baths or silly things like that (which do tend to help at times!), but I now see self-care very differently. I no longer find self-care very sustaining and believe that it must be paired with community-care. We can’t achieve a whole lot in isolation and we need the interdependence that our communities can offer.
With that said, I spend time each day journaling. I will write down whatever is on my mind and sometimes I even choose a prompt to write about if I’m feeling especially insightful. I also make art not only as a form of expression, but as a form of self-care. There’s something about creating a piece of art just for the sake of it that is very healing to me. I often put a lot of emotions into my art and that helps to both distract myself from the things burdening my mind and to process them. Rollerskating, playing softball, and country western dancing all help me to stay active and become skilled as the same time. And yes, I did say country western dancing! I am an avid line dancer, believe it or not!
I am not effective at anything in my life when I am not caring for myself. When I’m in a rut, it tends to be because I am making choices that are keeping me from my self-care practices and isolating me from my community.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
I co-own a business called TNET (Transgender/Nonbinary Education & Trainings) and we specialize in high-quality, inclusive, and accessible educational content about trans-related topics. We conduct trainings for groups of all sizes from all over the United States; right now, we have about eight trainings we regularly do, but we are always working on more! We also create other content such as zines, stickers, bookmarks, and most recently, YouTube videos. Our web store features all of our TNET original products, as well as products made by other trans people!
We have so much going on all the time, so we always have new products we sell or trainings on our docket. Something we have recently rolled out is our TNET Certification process. To be placed on our Directory, the provider or business must receive three different trainings from TNET. We never want to recommend a someone who hasn’t done the work to get educated on trans issues to a trans person who may then have a bad experience. We’re super excited about this because other provider directories don’t do their due diligence and allow anyone to be on their lists. TNET would rather put in the effort to make sure providers are doing their best to be as trans-affirming as possible!
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
I would say that honoring my capacity for empathy, tailoring my expectations to those that have been agreed upon, and increasing my communication skills are the three things that have been most impactful in my journey. I would not be who I am if I lacked empathy. We cannot truly love or care for people if we refuse to feel deeply. I am not afraid or ashamed of my emotions or strong feelings, even though I’ve always told I should be. I used to expect so much from people even when they never agreed to the things I’d be expecting them to do; that’s not really fair, is it? Instead of sitting in my anger and resentment, I worked for a long time on managing my expectations of people and communicating my needs and wants. When I communicate those, I can make agreements with people as to what is expected from each of us. Then, we all know what we need to uphold. Now, I only expect what has been agreed to and I am much less resentful than I was in the past, which does tons for my mental health!
To best improve on these, I would recommend sitting in your discomfort rather than shying away from it. Comfort (or not) is an involuntary feeling. We tend to feel uncomfortable when we are faced with something we need to improve on or not know enough about. Practicing that thing more and recognizing what that discomfort might mean is crucial for growth.
As we end our chat, is there a book you can leave people with that’s been meaningful to you and your development?
Oh wow, I am a huge book nerd, so I could probably pick a whole bookshelf full of books that have played important roles in different parts of my life. I’d say the most important two to date are “The Stranger” by Albert Camus and “Sister Outsider” by Audre Lorde. The former helped me to find peace in life by recognizing that existence is inherently meaningless and the only meaning is what we decide is meaningful. I grew up religious and have a lot of trauma from learning that we are all here for some greater purpose. Knowing that this isn’t true, leaning into making my own meaning, and harnessing the power of absurdism and existentialism drastically changed the course of my life. The latter built onto that by then instilling in me what I find most meaningful. My favorite piece in the book is “Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power” and it taught me that I needed to become more in touch with what brings me deep, unbridled joy. When I’m aligned with my erotic power, I can use that to free myself from the things that keep me down. So basically: everything is meaningless and we have to cope with it somehow, my way of coping is making all of my decisions based on what makes me truly happy.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://transeducation.net
- Instagram: @tnet.trainings, @tnet.store, @charlietherainbowunicorn, @charlietalkssex
- Facebook: https://facebook.com/TNETLLC
- Youtube: https://youtube.com/@transeducation
- Other: https://patreon.com/tnet
