Meet gabe howard

We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Gabe Howard. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Gabe below.

Hi Gabe, thanks for sitting with us today to chat about topics that are relevant to so many. One of those topics is communication skills, because we live in an age where our ability to communicate effectively can be like a superpower. Can you share how you developed your ability to communicate well?

I talk a lot. I mean much more than the average. First, I’m a podcaster hosting multiple episodes a month across multiple shows. That’s a lot of talking. Next, I’m a public speaker and trainer, routinely standing in front of rooms for 45, 60, 90 minutes plus delivering a speech or a lecture. All this to say that it is not exactly earth-shattering news that I both like to talk and that I’m good at it.

But, while I always liked to talk, I wasn’t always good at it. Early on in my adult life, I thought the secret to being a good storyteller was talking. My general resting point was that as long as I was talking, things were going well.

And, frankly, that is not only wrong, but deeply dismissive of the people I was talking to.

Me talking to someone without an understanding of who they are, what they want, and what they believe is just me flapping my gums. I need to have some sense of their wants and needs before I can even begin to share my story. And, of course, that means I need to listen.

And when I say listen, I mean listen to understand. Not listen until it is my turn to talk. I don’t have to agree with people — and in fact, I often don’t — but I do need to understand them. I need to show them the respect that I want them to show me.

While it is never okay to lie or mislead someone, i.e. pretending I agree with them when I don’t, it’s also not okay (in most cases) to be disrespectful. I have practiced delivering dissenting opinions or information with class, grace, and respect.

People say offensive things to me all the time. “If we just lock up all the crazies, we won’t have this violence problem” or “why can’t we just take those schizos and bipolars and throw ’em in a pit?” (yes, those are real examples of things people have said to me).

As someone who lives with bipolar, I could easily say “you’re a jerk. That is cruel. What’s wrong with you?” I really don’t think anyone would blame me. We’d get in an epic fight and no one would learn anything and no one’s mind would change.

In this particular example, the first thing I did was ask myself “why do they believe this?” In other words, what is driving this belief? For many people, it’s fear. They are afraid for themselves or their loved ones and they believe this is the solution.

So, I ask them, politely, a follow-up question. Generally something along the lines of “out of curiosity, do you believe that all violence is caused by people with serious and persistent mental illness?” And I let them answer.

I listen. Before I respond, I validate what they say. I explain, if I notice things getting tense, that I’m only trying to understand their point of view and I’m only asking them to consider mine.

Finally, I throw around the phrase “disagreement does not equal disrespect” A LOT.

Bottom line, if you want to communicate effectively, then you need to listen. If the reason you want to talk is that you only care about your side, then it’s doubtful you’ll connect with anyone other than the people who already agreed with you. I want to change minds, not preach to the choir.

Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?

I’m the author of Mental Illness is an Asshole and Other Observations, as well as the host of the Inside Mental Health and Inside Bipolar podcasts from Healthline. I’ve appeared in numerous publications, including Bipolar magazine, WebMD, Healthline.com, and the Stanford Online Medical Journal. I’ve been a guest on several podcasts, including Mental Illness Happy Hour, The One You Feed, and The Savvy Psychologist. He also appeared on all four major news networks: ABC, NBC, CBS, and FOX. In November of 2022, I had the distinct honor of speaking at Oxford University in England.

My podcasts can be found on the world’s largest health website, Healthline.com. Each week, I interview celebrities, experts, and other notables about psychology, mental illness, and mental health. The show has been honored by the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) and Wego Health. Previous guests have included Dr. Phil McGraw, Alanis Morissette, and Jennette McCurdy, among others.

I’m also the recipient of Mental Health America’s Norman Guitry Award and received a resolution from the Governor of Ohio naming me an “Everyday Hero.” I make my home in Central Ohio with my wife, Kendall, and a Miniature Schnauzer that I never wanted, but now can’t imagine life without. (Learn more at gabehoward.com.)

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment, and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

  • Being willing to admit I’m nervous/scared
  • Being willing to take criticism
  • Patience and Persistence

When I first started, I tried to project this idea that I was perfect and never made mistakes. I got very defensive of criticism, and I wanted everything to happen NOW. I started a podcast, and when it didn’t go viral on the first episode, I was angry. And when I gave a speech and someone in the audience didn’t like it — then they can go to hell! They don’t understand me!

I just lied to myself and the audience and was ready to give up.

Then I read a blog someone wrote about “dealing with criticism” where the author pointed out that if you give your work away to the public (i.e., create content for public consumption), then it belongs to them now. How they interact with it is out of my hands. It is the audience’s to do with as they please.

The article went on to explain that the best feedback is critical. If someone tells you that you do something well, while that feels great, there is no action item. Nothing to improve. If someone points out a flaw and you can fix it — then you can move to the next level. You can get better. You can grow.

Once I started realizing that all the things I saw as negatives were actually growth potential, my career became much easier to manage from an emotional point of view.

Finally, I do want to let the audience know that there are truly no “overnight” successes. Many people believe that I wrote one article and then I was huge. I worked in this industry a decade before I could support myself. It’s a slow, slow process. Buckle up.

How would you spend the next decade if you somehow knew that it was your last?

Imposter syndrome is huge for me, so I’d really like to get over that and give myself credit where I deserve it. I mean, I spoke at Oxford University in England. I sat in the same chair, in the same space as Nobel prize winners, world leaders, and people like Albert Einstein and Mother Theresa. And to this very moment, I think it was a mistake. I can’t help but wonder what went wrong that they “got stuck” with me.

No matter how well I do, I never give myself credit for any success and I’d really like to fix that before I leave this mortal coil!

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