We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Joyice Robinson Myers. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Joyice below.
Hi Joyice , we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?
As a girl, my mother cultivated a positive identity of myself for me. Over time, and in our interactions with each other, I developed a true sense of self that gave me healthy self-esteem. I learned and came to accept that self-esteem is giving respect and admiration to myself. This started with me realizing that I am worthy because I exist. Once I understood my value in the universe it birthed a search for something bigger than me, a higher power that helped to explain who I am and why I am here. I established a moral code for myself built from the character traits I learned as a child and tenets of my faith and spiritualism. My mother also nurtured my natural talents and abilities, giving me a sense of purpose and personal confidence. I became more comfortable with myself, my self-value, and my abilities. This is when I discovered that my purpose was less about what I am supposed to do and more about who I am to serve. Today, I teach Black women how to define their own womanhood, foster their confidence, and navigate and negotiate their needs and desires with men. Though I hold myself in high regard, the fulfillment I gain in my practice and the women I serve constantly cause me to feel good about who I am and what I have to give.
Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
I grew up as the oldest and only sister, where I studied and learned the nature of masculine energy, while gleaning feminine wisdom from my mother. As a lover of human behavior and social connection, I am interested in how others view themselves and use that image to relate to others. I am also the creator of Match Marry Mate™, a dating and relationship coaching practice, that aims to become the number #1 relationship education suite for Black women and couples. My special gift is in helping women to navigate and negotiate their needs and desires with men and understand male nature; and helping couples create a sense of togetherness.
Currently, I am finishing my second year as a doctoral student studying educational psychology with an emphasis on social connection and relationship formation, development, and maintenance. I investigate the factors that create educational-economic gaps, desire-power imbalances, and marriageability among Black men and women. I seek to provide relationship education and content that centers Black Love Culture and the unique ways in which Black Americans approach romantic and familial relationships.
My research connects the links between education, economics, and marital & paternal availability of Black men and examines that impact on Black women and children. I also study the dating and relationship experiences and decisions of Black women with Black men. My research aims to discover restorative interventions for Black men and their (future) families and promote positive gender relations among Black women and men. I live in Washington, D.C. with my husband and we are raising our two sons who are navigating life as high school students–a senior and freshman respectively.
To stay connected with me, you are welcome to learn more via my website, www.matchmarrymate.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
1. Increase your capacity for others and their unique experience in the world.
This is a natural way of being for me but I continue to develop it by exposing myself to different kinds of people and listening to their stories. I have also developed this concept called Feel N’ Chill a call for us to feel without reacting in or suppressing our emotions. This is a reminder that we are to use our emotions to inform our decision-making and to warn us about the consequence of making decision in our feelings.
2. Listen for the sake of allowing a person to feel seen and heard.
I am full of advice, insight, and expertise, and people are attracted to me because of it. Needless to say, I could talk and teach for days. While that has value, most people start by telling their stories and will need to feel heard to trust you. I developed a good sense of timing where I know when to listen and I know when to speak. If you want to improve this ability for yourself, let others go first. Let them tell you their stories. Most humans just want to feel seen and heard, and listening happens to create both emotions at the same time.
3. Choose yourself first.
In order to serve people and be good to them, your needs must be met first. It’s important to connect with others in your overflow and not in your reserve, and certainly not on fumes. I make sure I fill myself up as a preparation to be available for others to give them my best self and my best work, but also because I am worth my self-care before anyone else can have me. Make sure you’re full first.
As we end our chat, is there a book you can leave people with that’s been meaningful to you and your development?
The Spirit of Intimacy by Sobonfu Somé has been instrumental with deepening my knowledge in the natural way that persons of African descent form relationships. Her teachings are packed with gems but the top three nuggets of wisdom I’ve gained are in community, rituals, and the harmonious nature of feminine-masculine relations.
1) Community: The goal of community is to make sure each member is heard. When you do not have community, you are not listened to; you do not have a place you can go to and feel that you really belong.
2) Rituals: The coming together of two spirits gives birth to a new spirit, the spirit of intimacy. Rituals are done with respect to that spirit.
3) Feminine-Masculine Relations: Our lives are influenced by the presence within us of both feminine and masculine energies. It is important that these energies maintain harmony within us. Women and men live their own mysteries, and neither gender will never fully grasp the other.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.matchmarrymate.com
- Instagram: matchmarrymate
- Facebook: matchmarrymate
Image Credits
Ashleigh Bing Photography & JustShoot Photography
