Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Laura Houha. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Hi Laura, we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?
Growing up, I was a painfully shy kid. My mom tried to get me to join Girl Scouts, but when we arrived, I had a (very silent and contained, especially for a 6 year old) panic attack. I barely made it two feet into that school gymnasium before I was begging to turn tail and head home. For most of my life, I saw myself as someone who was timid, concerned with the opinions of others over my own ability to express and be myself, and it took years to discover that it’s ok to shine your light as bright as possible. The journey to really know yourself is a lifelong one, and there are days (sometimes weeks, or even months, pending the planetary alignments) where I am not myself – I turn into Judgement Personified and question every decision I have ever made in my life. Hell, I’ve done it at least three times this week, and it’s only Tuesday. What I have learned is that confidence, like anything in life, can come in waves and when those waves are ebbing and you start thinking “I can’t do this” or “I’m not good enough” or “smart enough” “pretty enough” whatever the mental block may be, it’s ok to sit with that for a minute, have the breakdown if you need and then say “That’s out of my system” and get back to who you are. Easier said than done, for sure, but one skill is to take time to reflect on what you have already been through – good or bad – and recognize how you accomplished that thing, or made it through that trauma. You already did all that, you can do this too. In some of my darkest moments, when I feel like I’m in an absolute creative rut or that my skills are never going to be good enough, I go to the file cabinet in my head and pull up receipts on myself. Even if you feel like you haven’t accomplished any of the “Big Things” you have on your life-long To-Do list, trust me, you have accomplished so much. You’re alive, you’ve made it so far already, that’s kind of a big deal!
I also think, especially for women, age feels like such a massive factor in our lives. We have a checklist prescribed by “societal norms” of what we are meant to accomplish by a certain point. I kept holding my lifepath up to what I thought was expected and I felt like I was falling short, which was absolute bullshit. At that time, I was deep into a career that, to the outside, was a cool “dream job”, only I was deeply unhappy – overworked, underpaid, and generally unfulfilled. I was also deep into a relationship that was so draining and unhealthy. My confidence and self-esteem were at an all-time low. I had these things that were meant to be symbols of success, of true adulthood, but in actuality, they were sucking the life out of me. My creativity was non-existent, and at the end of the day, all I wanted was to come home, have a glass or three of wine, and go to bed. It took work, a lot of work, but once I was able to really get back to who I am, look at what I had been able to accomplish thus far, and look at that through a non-judgemental lens (THE HARDEST PART), I realized I needed to stop dimming my light for the comfort of others. Getting away from relationships that hold you down – be it romantic, platonic, or your micromanaging boss, allows you to stop looking at yourself through those negative lenses. Finding supportive people who lift you up and see what is special in you, especially when you don’t, is truly one of the greatest gifts in life.
Even though I was a shy kid, I had an inner confidence in knowing the special things about myself. I spent so much time in my head and in observing the world around me that I knew there was an exceptional and one of a kind person inside, I just needed to let others see her. The fear of being perceived is so real and can really hold you back. I remind myself every single day that the world is lucky to experience the real me and having the confidence to let her out has opened up the world for me. Don’t let fear keep you stagnant.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
I am an actress and a writer. I think I have always been both of these things, even when I wasn’t pursuing them professionally. As an absurdly shy child, acting and writing worked hand in hand to provide a bit of an escape from the real world, which I felt didn’t have the space for the me I wanted to be.
I initially moved to New York in order to pursue acting as a full-time career path, but got sidetracked and ended up working in casting for about a decade, eventually becoming a Casting Director. That career taught me a lot. As much as I sometimes regret having not pursued acting off the bat, I think what I learned from being on the other side of things made it possible for me to go after such a difficult and rejection-filled career. It’s such a subjective industry, so having the ability to not take things personally and to just keep pushing is the only way to survive. I’m currently enrolled at HB Studios here in New York and I am just really loving the process of learning more about the craft. I love being on set, getting to be around other actors and the whole production team, just being fully surrounded by the process and learning more each day.
I absolutely love storytelling – I live in my head 90% of the time, so finding outlets for all of the strange and interesting things going on up there helps me find the space to function in the real world. Sometimes the day to day feels monotonous and rather than escaping into a Netflix binge, it’s so much fun to just start making up my own little realities and seeing how they play out.
I am currently working on a feature length screenplay with a director friend of mine (who I met while casting two of his feature films. Funny how things work out). It’s a mix of female relationship drama and horror and we are hoping to begin filming within the next year. I will be playing one of the two female leads, which I could not be more excited about. I have loved the process of creating two distinctly different women who are both exploring their own trauma and purpose. There is no male love interest which I am especially proud of. It’s a distinctly female story with complex characters, which is exactly the kind of script that, as an actress, I get excited about reading.
As a writer, my primary domain has been short story with a focus on horror. I tend to lean into the darker aspects of life as it feels almost therapeutic to get the darkness in me out onto the page. That being said, I also tend to infuse a certain level of comedy as well. Creativity should be dimensional and layered – it’s a platform to exercise all your demons and I truly love that! I participated in the Cuttyhunk Writer’s Residency in 2021 and got so much from the experience that I will be participating in the residency this Fall, as well. I would recommend a residency to any creative, especially those like me who sometimes find themselves staring at a brick wall in their mind. I am often a solitary creature, which writing can really be conducive to. Acting was really what taught me how important community and feedback is – you can’t act in a vacuum, and you can’t write in one either!
Right now, my main focus is getting our film made, as well as just continuing to put myself out there as a performer and a creator. Taking on bigger, more complex roles, honing my craft, and learning more about myself through the process. Having the time and space to explore these aspects of who I am and what I can create was something that was missing from my life for such a long time, so now I am just embracing the process.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
Being able to acknowledge and move on from your inner critic is such an important skill. It’s one I still struggle with on a daily basis, but remembering that thoughts and feelings are not facts is life changing. When that little voice of negativity or concern fires up in my head, taking the time to listen and then say, “Ok, you’ve said your piece, now please go away” really makes a difference. Don’t let yourself spiral!
Learning that you cannot control the world changed me. So much unnecessary stress and anger grows when you think you need to be in charge of everything – including other people’s perception of you. Ceding that control a little bit and just being able to say “Who cares?” is SUCH a superpower. In fact, I feel like I am more in control when I am able to let go because now my focus can be placed where it needs to be, instead of worrying about how I may be perceived or judged. In all actuality, we have such little control, so clinging onto it with clenched fists is just going to lead to hypertension. Let it go, babe.
Balancing time for yourself with time with others. I love being alone. I love not having plans and just being at home, but sometimes you have to crawl out of the cave. Or vice versa if you are not leaving enough time for yourself. I get inspired and rejuvenated when I surround myself with people who are passionate and doing things they love. I also find inspiration in just looking at my cat for an hour – the spark comes when it wants! But it needs to be fed with both solitude and community. Building relationships with people who lift you up and building a relationship with yourself are two sides of the same coin.
I know this is four, but I want to include as well: Taking your time to respond! This is so important and life changing. I feel like everything these days is fast – the deadline in RIGHT NOW! But really, you can take a moment to collect your thoughts, you can write that email draft and wait to hit send, you can say “I need a moment.” I once worked with someone who would ambush you with questions when they were upset, get really intense and almost in your face. I would turn into a stuttering mess and get so overwhelmed, I wouldn’t be able to speak up for myself. When I realized I could just pause and respond when I was ready, not when they demanded I be, that I could take back some control and maintain my rationality in a stressful situation. It’s ok to slow things down and work on your own schedule.
We’ve all got limited resources, time, energy, focus etc – so if you had to choose between going all in on your strengths or working on areas where you aren’t as strong, what would you choose?
Focusing on your strengths and playing to them is important and shouldn’t be downplayed, however I think it is so important to also work on areas that are not innate strengths in order to truly grow as a person. You might surprise yourself when you start expanding outside of what you consider your “strengths” and find you’re capable of so much more.
As I mentioned before, I was a super shy kid, so talking with people was never something that came naturally. I think that explains a lot of why I love writing – ruminating and having time to think about what you really want to say is a luxury not afforded to us often in real life. I also think shyness can lend itself to acting, if you’re able to let it – everything you’ve bottled up can now spill out through this character. But most often in life, we have to communicate directly with others and if you asked me 10 years ago if it was something I consider a strength of mine, I would have laughed in your face (or, more likely, would have blushed and looked away. I was SHY, ok?). But then I started working in casting and everything changed. Sure, this gave me a platform to really utilize my talents like strong memory (I never forget a face or name), deep knowledge of film, and ability to make a talent chart that would blow your socks off. However, in casting you are sometimes seeing 200+ people in one day, you’re making cold calls, phoning agents, clients, talent. You have to know how to speak to people. I was forced to overcome my fear of the phone call, and perhaps that sounds a little silly, but I think most Millennials and younger (ie those who grew up texting) generally hate a phone call. I have very dear friends who will opt not to do something if it requires dialing a number. All this to say, this was not a strength of mine by any means, but nowadays, I have no problem hoping on the phone and talking things over. Again, making a phone call is a simple thing and it’s not a monumental accomplishment, but sometimes it feels to me like it is.
It is important to be challenged in life in order to learn and to become stronger. I spent years building a career that I understood, I knew the expectations, I knew what I would struggle with, and I knew at the end of the day, how I would feel when I went to bed and when I woke up. Even when it wasn’t a good feeling, there was a comfort in knowing what the feeling would be. I had to challenge myself to leave that security behind and take a big, risky leap to pursue an extremely competitive career. A path which I am still just a few steps in on, still learning, and which challenges me every day. I am grateful that I was able to make this change and that I am able to keep working on all aspects of myself, both strengths and weaknesses. Anything worth doing is going to take work.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm4789765/
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Image Credits
Main headshot: Charlie Taylor. B&W Photo: Craig Webster
