We caught up with the brilliant and insightful KayKay Lavelle a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Hi KayKay, appreciate you sitting with us today to share your wisdom with our readers. So, let’s start with resilience – where do you get your resilience from?
Growing up as one of the few openly gay individuals in a small southern town definitely had its challenges. While most of my peers were into traditional activities like football, I was more drawn to the arts. When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up I’d say “famous”. It wasn’t easy being one of the only ones who didn’t quite fit the mold, but I learned early on that resilience is key; and looking back it’s not a mold I admire now as an adult anyway. I’m thankful to not have fit.
For me, resilience is all about staying true to myself despite external pressures. Whether it was dealing with judgmental attitudes or pursuing my passions, I’ve always relied on my inner strength to keep me going. Playing football when I’d rather be taking dance or in theatre was just one example of the compromises I had to make growing up. But instead of letting it get me down, I used it as motivation to work even harder for what I wanted.
One of the most defining moments of my journey came when I was 19 and faced a terrifying situation while working in university housing. Being held hostage for over an hour was a traumatic experience, but it taught me just how strong I can be when faced with adversity. Looking back, I realize that resilience has always been a part of who I am. It’s not just about bouncing back from tough times, but also about using those experiences to grow and become even stronger. It’s all about perspective. When I think back to being pushed onto the football team as the chubby tackler, I don’t think about how I was perceived— I think of the flamboyant chubby boy in the football uniform throwing it down to “Goodies by Ciara” during the halftime shows.
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
I am a professional drag entertainer. I have been in the business since 2013 where I began in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. I performed full time for part of my career and enjoyed touring the country as well as performing on cruise ships. I’ve since moved to Orlando— like all “old ladies” I retired to Florida where I perform on my terms. Meaning I no longer need drag to survive, which was a very scary feeling at times anyway. It’s never comforting to think how you’re one broken ankle away from losing your livelihood. Now I get to focus on putting my heart and passion back into my craft. I accept the bookings that bring me joy and share my talents to the audiences that I feel will love and appreciate me the most.
Over the past year I’ve experienced an injury while at my day job. I found myself with 2 herniated disks making a sandwich out of a ruptured disk. Several months and a surgery later I found myself recovered both inside and out. I’ve had the last several months to reflect on my art and my health goals. I’ve done a lot of work in physical therapy to make sure my body was sustainable— I found it only fitting to provide that same nurturing touch to my mental health as well.
Now that I am using the best parts of myself and paying closer attention to the process, I’m looking to rejoin the pageant world and fight for the misfits and our place at the table. When they don’t provide a chair for us at the table, we scoot our own chair up and perch— I’m ready to perch.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
The three most impactful skills for me would be resilience, confidence, and the ability to stand still and alone on stage.
Resilience is something that we’ve kinda talked about. It’s necessary for survival in all senses of the word. If every punch knocks you down, you better be ready to get up each time. Realizing that sometimes we have to be our own superhero is both the most powerful and life-changing realizations to accept. Once you realize that no one is coming to save you, you start to look around and get creative. You have to put the cape on and save yourself. Putting this skill in your pocket will allow you to start funneling love and care back into yourself as well. The way you care for others; you start to care for yourself in that way too.
“Confidence is key”; but who holds the key? Do we have to ask somebody for confidence? Where do we purchase confidence? When we realize that the answer to these questions are ourselves, we unlock the secret to confidence. It’s not tangible! We create our own confidence. We do it when with self-affirmations, or little winks to ourselves in the mirror. Confidence is like a NFT that we get to design in our own image, and just like no one can hand you a bucket of confidence; don’t you dare let anyone take a drop! We create our mindset, not the outside world.
This leads me to my third thing; the ability to stand still and alone on stage. Now y’all need to take this both literally and figuratively. Literally as a performer being on stage with all eyes on you is when the leg starts shaking. The nerves kick in. Everyone is watching and even the slightest move will be detected. Good. This is our moment. Everything that we have done and everything that we are has led us up to this very moment. The hours of work, the sweat, and the money have been paid. Let them soak you in slowly like a sponge. Absorbing your radiance, beauty and confidence. Now apply this formula outside of the performance. Go to the store alone or go have lunch alone. Don’t be afraid to stand alone in a room and be the only one that looks like you, because the hours of work, the love you have for yourself, the resilience and the confidence you made for yourself have all been paid. Enjoy that meal alone, let the whole restaurant soak you up like a sponge and know that you’re not afraid to be exactly who you are; wherever—whenever.
Looking back over the past 12 months or so, what do you think has been your biggest area of improvement or growth?
So I kinda mentioned my surgery. I had my surgery in July, but my injury was in the spring prior to surgery. Since it took so long to get in for surgery, my surgeon had some difficulty. The fragments of the ruptured disk had calcified to the nerve root. He had to take his time to work very slowly and carefully as to not damage the nerve to my legs. Once surgery finished he initially was worried that he had paralyzed me. Once I woke up he was able to test my strength, and confirm that wasn’t the case! I wasn’t able to feel my right leg, but over the course of about a month, the feeling slowly worked its way back down into my foot. I still am not able to feel my toes completely and that may never change, but I’m so grateful to be able to walk and function properly!
So once I was cleared to begin physical therapy, I started that process to build my core strength back. This whole process obviously came with a lot of mental gymnastics. It was my first operation so to say my anxiety was high, would be an understatement. Then the healing journey being so unpredictable— what started as a “one- two month leave” turned into almost a year. It taught me that I’m not always in control, but it also taught me when to take the reins and when to ride the waves.
Sometimes the universe has your back more than you realize.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: @kaykaylavelle
- Facebook: KayKay Lavelle
- Twitter: @kaykaylavelle
Image Credits
Kalan Trammel Dillon Patrick
