We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Sharmika Gray (Meeks) a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Sharmika , we’re so excited for our community to get to know you and learn from your journey and the wisdom you’ve acquired over time. Let’s kick things off with a discussion on self-confidence and self-esteem. How did you develop yours?
In my 20’s, I lacked confidence in myself very much and the crazy thing is I was very much in shape. But the thing is, I needed validation, Validation is extremely toxic but I didn’t realized it. I needed to be told I was beautiful at all times because if you said it a million times then I probably would start believing it and that’s the main reason why I went into modeling. After becoming a mom, I went from 120 to 175 pounds. I had stretch marks over my body, I was losing my hair, and my face was breaking out and I was in a deep, deep depression. I was looking for love within a man or a relationship and it wasn’t clicking until I finally got my heartbroken viciously, I finally realized that I had to love for me for me. My body didn’t need fixing, my soul did. When I turned 30, I magically looked myself and started realizing, “Hey Queen, you are so beautiful, you have a great smile, your complexion is smooth. You don’t need surgery, go to the gym, take better care of yourself. After two years of modeling, I absolutely feel so beautiful and I feel the most sexiest because posing and being in front of the camera comes second nature to me. It’s my comfort zone because guess what, I know I am beautiful before you can say it. I can walk that walk and talk that talk and no relationship in this world could’ve give me that love and confidence that I have for myself. Loving yourself is the best medicine to cure the ugliness.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
That’s a lot to get into.. *chuckles* Well, besides me being a model, I am in school full time at Columbus State Community College. This is my second year with the campus and also I want to point out how proud I am of myself because I usually quit anything that I try or attempt to commit to. My GPA is at 3.5 right now and after I graduated next year, I will be transferring to Ohio State University to attain my Bachelor’s degree. I do have a plan to attain my Master’s degree in Business Communications. Education is very important! I will be very honest, I am still figuring my journey out. Once I turned 31, I started really living my life, I started realize what I want and what I will do to get it. Fun fact, I did radio for five years of my life when I went to Ohio Media School and I loved radio so much but I didn’t have the best experience at all because it was a male dominant career and that’s very much intimidating! It was very much intimidating and it scared me away because people will try to take advantage of you and try to make you sell your soul for your dreams. I do miss it and I will always use my voice but it’s not really my true passion anymore. My main goal in modeling is to be paid for what I do, I want to become a commercial model and I am going to be traveling this summer and this fall to New York and ATL for modeling and acting. These are things that I aiming for within the next five to six years. You know what’s funny, I hear women all the time say, “why are you now going back to school and pursuing your dreams, you are too old..” *laughing* That’s a complete lie! There’s absolutely no age limit on success. If people are getting tired of seeing me, well you must as well get used to it. I may create a business, model, etc. The sky is the limit.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Off the top of my head, accountability. I have had to really learned this and at times I can be my worst critic but I hold myself accountable. I suffer from severe bipolar disorder and severe depression, so sometimes my days can be hot and cold. I will be great one day and then other days, I am a freaking wreck. Caution! But no matter what, I look myself in the mirror and I say to myself, “listen Sharmika, Meeks pull yourself together, stand up, and keep moving!” I cannot change situations in my life and I cannot change people either but I can change how I react, myself, and how it will affect my life.
Another one is being opened minded. I feel like people become very stagnated and hard-headed and they won’t listen and I get the most advice when I am willing to open myself and listen. I have gotten the best advice people younger and older than me and you gotta to be willing to be open to other ways of life because it’s not black and white.
Lastly, I am very passionate and willing to adapt to change. I know myself very well and I knew my dreams. I envisioned it. This is very hard for me to say but two years ago, I was a heavy drug addict and I was heavy alcoholic. One night, I was drinking with my friends and I got so depressed and I yelled at, “I want to go back to school!” Everyone looked at me and immediately started laughing. I drew me to tears because I was so comfortable in a lifestyle that wasn’t for me anymore. I completely hated it so much! I wanted change and I wanted to become a better person because there’s no happy ending when you are a drug addict and a known alcoholic. I had decided to get off drugs and I decided to sign up for classes and for four months I was at the campus every single day fighting to get back into school and I would even bring my baby with me at times. I left the environment I was in and moved in at the shelter temporary. In June 2023, I moved out of the shelter into my own place that I still currently have now with a 4.0, made it on the Dean’s list, and celebrated my first magazine cover that same year. I am still uncomfortable as we speak right now, but I rather be uncomfortable than ever go back to the person I once was.
My advice I would give to anyone is go love yourself for yourself. Go heal. I know how it feels to have traumatic things happen. I know how it feels to have someone or people betray you but you cannot-YOU CANNOT let that have control over your life! And it’s not easy, Hell, it’s not easy for me at times but it’s worth. Go heal, love yourself, and go accomplish your dreams! There’s no age limit on success. As long as God is waking you up every morning, honey, you got time to change your life! Make every minute count.
Is there a particular challenge you are currently facing?
Yes! I am still battling between the “old” me and the “new” me all the time. My biggest fear is to relapse and potentially screw up my entire life and I have created happiness for myself. I can be stressful. I am reminded of my past all the time. I have had friends & family bring my drug history and it makes me sick to myself. I have battled with alcohol as well and I am the point right now where I am not drinking and I am finding other ways to cope like drawing/sketching, painting, working out, reading, baking, etc. This is going to be forever battle for me and I usually take one day at a time. I know it sounds vague and I do not want anyone to feel sorry for me because I did these choices in life. I am not ashamed at all. I do not care at this point who judges me. The thing that keeps me going is the idea of being healthy and living a healthy life. I have gotten a fair taste of it and it is amazing. I am extremely high off life right now. It’s a blessing to be alive and to be well and I have survived so much. I survived lung cancer a year and half ago, I survived a drug addiction, I survived homelessness. I have overcame so much in my life. The idea of being a good person and being good to the people that love me, being good to myself, and being good to my children is the true reason why I continue to keep pushing. There’s something to that-happiness does exist, you just gotta fight for it.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/meekymeeks30?igsh=MXZlbTJha3dvcGpkdQ%3D%3D&utm_source=qr
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sharmika.gray?mibextid=LQQJ4d
- Twitter: https://x.com/meekymeeks30?s=21
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@Meekymeeks30
Image Credits
Brandi Kennon Nikkia Riles Seventh Angels
