We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Kathy Ball-Toncic a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Kathy, thanks so much for taking the time to share your insights and lessons with us today. We’re particularly interested in hearing about how you became such a resilient person. Where do you get your resilience from?
Resilience isn’t about constantly projecting an “I can do this” attitude or being tough 24×7. I used to think that way, years later, I’m clear that this thinking is a recipe for burnout.
For me, resilience started to grow stronger only after I began unlearning some ingrained (and often praised!) behaviors. Being Wonder Woman is exhausting! Sure, the pats on the back, the medals, the recognition—they’re nice, they feel great, but the recognition received is so quickly metabolized.
As a child, I shouldered adult responsibilities early on. I learned to just push through. Overachieving became second nature, and gold stars were my currency. Ironically, that challenging period in my life created a fertile ground for resilience.
Fast forward to 9/11. I was in the World Trade Center. As you can imagine, my life was profoundly altered. How we navigate trauma is heavily influenced by our resilience. If resilience is growing the ability to recover from difficult experiences and setbacks and the ability to move forward despite what is happening around us, I was indeed becoming a great student.
After 9/11, I had the privilege of working with an executive coach who helped me realize that the most fulfilling parts of my job involved helping others discover their “why” and supporting them on their journey. Thus, The 262 Group was born—a platform for me to coach and guide aspiring leaders. And what’s behind the name? Well, after 9/11, I also turned to marathon running for charity. During those long training runs (20 miles is a long time to think!), I reflected on the parallels between marathons and leadership. As a bonus, along the way, I raised over $100,000 for various charities.
Ready for the next twist? About 20 years later, I was diagnosed with breast cancer (with many, many small challenges in between). Within my control were only my attitude and self-care.
Only one year later, I faced an even more threatening cancer diagnosis. Cue the resilience muscle: pumped and ready for action. A new perspective emerged: post-traumatic growth. It’s both the process of enduring traumatic events and seeking the positive changes that occur as a result. Let me add quickly that I feel incredibly blessed to have the support around me that fosters this growth.
Many of the marathons I ran were for the Dana Farber Cancer Institute. Life is full of ironic twists!
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
As an executive coach and champion of human dreams, I often find myself marveling at the fact that I get to call this “work.”
My professional journey has been anything but linear. I’ve worn many hats—a baker, a banker, and now a leadership evangelist. Seems like a natural progression, right? But life has a way of surprising us and it never turns out quite the way we expect. Our job then, is to stay open to changes with curiosity and heart.
With a freshly minted BA in languages, I briefly worked for a hot minute at Harvard but quickly found myself disengaged. Seizing an opportunity, I embarked on a career as a chef for many years before transitioning to Wall Street. There, I climbed the corporate ladder, eventually holding senior positions where I led global teams to drive revenue for Fortune 100 companies.
My “day job” now simmers gently on the back burner as I confront this new challenge. The team at Dana Farber is nothing short of extraordinary—brilliant, kind, passionate, and caring, every single one of them. I am in capable hands as I navigate this very different marathon. Each step, each milestone tests my endurance and spirit.
I will now (once again) call upon my resilience to keep moving forward, to find the determination to cross this new finish line. Amidst it all, spring blooms around me, daffodils serving as reminders of hope and renewal. Each day brings new possibilities, new reasons to press on.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
When gold stars are your currency, saying no becomes a challenge. But it’s the only way forward. Learning “me first” takes work and commitment and is the critical first step to leading others. Put that oxygen mask on yourself first so that you are living and breathing to care for others.
That’s the advice I would whisper to young Kathy. Focus on what you can control, even on days when it feels like you are on a merry-go-round gone wild. Is there a single beautiful flower blooming today? Did someone offer a smile for no apparent reason? Did you lend a hand with something small?
I’d also want her, (younger Kathy), to understand that she can lay down her superhero cape. There’s nothing to prove, no battles to fight. Shifting from “doing” to “being” is an important piece of the resilience pie.
Before we go, any advice you can share with people who are feeling overwhelmed?
When I’m grappling with the overwhelming nature of the next 6-9 months of this journey, I reflect on my experience with marathon training for guidance. I remind myself to take it one step at a time. Practicing presence becomes paramount—being fully in the moment, wherever and whenever I can. Presence can be as simple as taking three, intentional gentle breaths or touching something nearby and describing it to myself.
In moments of overwhelm, our capacity to self-regulate diminishes. We need to find a way to break down the pieces of the chaotic puzzle. When I run a marathon, I never dwell on the daunting prospect of running 26.2 miles. If I did, I’d probably crawl back into bed and hide under the covers. Instead, I break it down into manageable chunks. By the end, those chunks may shrink to just one step. But I can always do one step!
Contact Info:
- Website: www.262group.com
- Instagram: kbtruns
- Linkedin: linkedin.com/in/kathyballtoncic
