We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Paige Lee a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Paige, really happy you were able to join us today and we’re looking forward to sharing your story and insights with our readers. Let’s start with the heart of it all – purpose. How did you find your purpose?
Ironically, I thought I was already living my purpose in my 40’s! You know, when life is going great, everyone is happy and healthy. It was 2008. I was a successful real estate broker, happily married with a blended family of 5. After a couple of failed marriages and several career paths that left me tired and wanting something different, life was so good now. We were very happy, and we had everything we could have wanted.
Until the early morning hours of September 18, 2008; that morning I was awakened by a phone call shortly after 5:00 a.m. from my 23-year old son Bryan’s roommate. Someone had called him and said Bryan had been taken to the hospital after an encounter with a stranger. The roommate was there, at California Medical Center, but no one would tell him anything about Bryan’s condition. He told me he thought Bryan was okay but no one would talk to him and asked if I would please call the hospital and then let him know what was going on. Instantly awake, I called the hospital only to meet with frustrating roadblocks. Because of privacy laws, no one would tell me anything about my son; they wouldn’t even confirm that he had been admitted. For at least an hour I didn’t know anything, worry building up like a volcano inside of me. Then my phone rang again. It was Michael Jackson, then Vice-president of Student Affairs at USC. I was confused as to why he would be calling but begged him to tell me what was happening––I knew only that Bryan had been taken to the hospital.
I will never, ever forget his next words, his voice. “So, you know your son has passed away.” Bryan had died from a knife wound – one single thrust to the chest, delivered by a stranger. Just because Bryan had closed a gate as he and his friends were walking past an apartment complex.
And that is how my nightmare began.
The early days and months, sometimes years, of this kind of traumatic loss are sometimes hard to put into words. The heartbreak is so tremendous, the shock of it all so heavy. Was it even real? Did this really happen to my son? How? Why? My pain was raw, my tears a never-ending flow of heartbreak.
I remember one day in particular, sitting on the floor in my living room, an almost empty bottle of wine beside me. It was cold outside, so I had moved myself, my wine, and my music indoors. John Lennon’s “Beautiful Boy” blared in the room around me, and for the first time I screamed at God. I sobbed, I pounded the floor, I was writhing in pain. And then I begged Him, Please bring him back. Please! Take me, take me instead. I will do anything, God—anything at all! Please bring him back to me. I remember even thinking about making a deal with the Devil himself, but I did stop short of that. I wasn’t completely lost, I guess. But I sat there and cried and screamed and tried to negotiate with God to bring back my dead son.
Death seemed so final to me then. I really couldn’t comprehend it. What do you mean I’ll never see or talk to my son again? WHAT? I couldn’t imagine one more day without him, much less another week or month or year.
In the beginning of this journey after Bryan’s passing, I was obsessed with the question of ‘Where are You Now?’. I knew he was ‘somewhere’ because only three weeks after he passed, I heard him call out to me ‘MOM’ – I heard his voice out loud! At that moment I promised him that I would find him, and the question of ‘where are you now’ became the driving force behind everything I did. I was determined to find my son. I immediately became a seeker of all things related to the afterlife. I sought out psychic development, energy healing, spiritual workshops, mediumship, and so much more. I filled the early days and weeks and months after his passing with all of my seeking to find my son. To understand who he is now, where he is now, and how I can continue having a relationship with him.
One day, about two years into my journey, I became obsessed with a new question: Who Am I Now? This is a question that all who experience the loss of someone very close to them eventually have—who am I now? What is my purpose, what point is there to any of this? Why him? Why us? Who am I now, if not Bryan’s mom? Who am I now without my son by my side?
I had found my son. Through all of the signs Bryan sent, the work I put into learning to communicate with him, and the grace of God and my team in Spirit…I found him in the light that he is now as Spirit. He guides me, he works with me, he is very much an integral part of my life still, and in the lives of all who loved him.
Perhaps the biggest surprise to me, though, was that I found myself. I found the person that I truly am – I came to see and know the soul that lived behind my tears, the beautiful spirit that was waiting patiently for me to peek out from my broken heart – and my purpose unfolded before my eyes.
I am altruistic at heart; I have always ended up in careers where I was helping the greater good, in one way or another. In addition to real estate, my previous careers had been in the fields of event planning, political campaign management, and non-profit management and fundraising. So it was natural for me to step into the role of helping others who are experiencing a profound loss, especially the death of a child. As I became more and more open to the guidance of Spirit, more and more trusting of the signs and messages I was receiving, more and more brave about telling my story and sharing my journey with others – more and more opportunities opened up for me.
I recognized that the pathway that was unfolding was my true purpose. And I embraced it! Mostly because intuitively, I knew that if I traveled this road, it would bring me closer to my son. So I became certified in many spiritual modalities and coaching programs… Reiki, Pranic Healing, Crystal Energy Healing, Intuitive Grief Coaching, Grief Recovery Method, DreamBuilder Life Coaching, Meditation, Numerology….I learned all of this and more. I taught online workshops, I volunteered for a wonderful organization called Helping Parents Heal and ran a monthly support group for them, I organized grief recovery workshops in my community and hosted grief circles. I even opened a healing center. I was all in.
As often happens, we became very busy with life stuff, and after a number of years, I stepped away from my spiritual path. I closed the healing center, apologized to Spirit, and took a step back. But every time I would find myself venturing too far from my purpose, Spirit would bring me back. The last time was in 2020, when I heard Spirit say that ‘it was time to finish the book’. I had always been told that Bryan and I could indeed write a book if we wanted to, and I had even downloaded the table of contents on an airplane a couple of years before. But now it was time – Spirit said so! So, I quit my job and stayed home to write. With Bryan helping me, we wrote a book about our journey and the steps I took that brought me closer to him. The book is titled ‘Choose to Believe: A Story of Miracles, Healing and the Afterlife’. Since then, there is no more stepping back. I am all in, my life is fully and completely dedicated to helping others on the grief path.
At the point that Spirit insisted we write the book – NOW, I understood that everything I had done on the grief journey so far, all the turns I had taken and the twists that always brought me back to my path, was so that I could share with others this truth…you can still have a relationship with your loved one(s) in Spirit; you can still have a life that is peaceful and even joyful; you can choose life instead of death. This is what I began to call conscious grieving.
Now, almost 16 years since Bryan’s passing, I continue to grow and move deeper into my purpose. I can feel my purpose driving me, encouraging me to keep moving forward. I have learned to listen to the nudges of Spirit, and I am conscious now when my purpose shifts even slightly, as it did last year. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I know that I am open, willing and curious, and I trust that it will unfold in divine time and with divine will.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
I am a Reiki Master & Teacher | Intuitive | Public Speaker | Workshop Presenter | Grief Coach. My passion is to inspire people to rise up, step into their greatness, and transcend the suffering that holds them hostage, robbing them of purpose, potential, truth, and healing. I am driven to make a difference in people’s lives. I am a teacher at heart and love sharing my knowledge with others. I always knew there was more to my purpose than just making money. I want to change lives, impact people’s hearts and minds, and inspire them to make a difference. My message is one of hope, healing, and empowerment.
In 2022, I co-founded Transcending Grief with Kat Baillie. The Transcending Grief Project is a community Facebook group and community hub designed to support the bereaved through their grief journey through coaching, spiritual means, education, and other resources. Our aim is to help those grieving the loss of loved ones move through grief and eventually beyond it through the support of a beautiful community of people. We offer both free and fee-based opportunities for healing.
For our Transcending Grief membership, we offer retreats that are unlike any retreat you’ve ever attended…this is genuinely next-level transcendence. We demonstrate and facilitate ways to transcend your grief that you may never have seen before. It is an interactive, divinely inspired experience for those who want to have fun and want to let their soals soar.
While I do still offer grief healing-based workshops from time to time, my work has shifted back to a pure purpose of healing the heart and bringing people back to purpose, intention, and action. I am a healer – and as a Holy Fire® Reiki Master and Teacher, I offer certification classes throughout the year and of course, private treatments as well. I love Reiki and incorporate Reiki into everything I do. In fact, I host a monthly Reiki share called ‘Healing Hearts Reiki Collective’ for Transcending Grief. It is held online and the energy is palpable :-). Love that event, held on the first Wednesday of every month at 8pm Eastern Time.
My favorite event that I offer is the MomChild Reunion. This is an intimate, boutique grief healing experience only for Moms with one or more children in Spirit. The event is held in Idaho on the banks of the Middlefork River. The healing that occurs when a small group gathers is so tender, so special, the energy so expanded! The love we share and the connections we make are life-changing. The kids are always present, in a huge way!
Just between us, there is something new coming that hasn’t been completely revealed to me yet but it is very much purpose-based, helping others answer the question of ‘Who am I Now?” Your readers who might want be curious about this, can sign up for my newsletter at www.paigewlee.com and be the first to know!
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
I have been blessed with experiencing and learning many spiritual tools and healing modalities on this journey of grief and healing. And while they have all helped in numerous ways, the three that HANDS DOWN have helped me the most are Meditation, Being in Nature, and Reiki/Energy Healing.
Meditation:
Meditation is the single best way to learn to quiet the mind, to isolate the pain you are feeling from the bigger picture of why you are here and how you can move forward. Spirit speaks to us, our job is to quiet down so that we can hear them. My meditation journey was just that – a journey. It took me quite awhile to learn this practice. But I wouldn’t give up, I kept trying. I started with guided meditations, later I advanced to using mantras to help me drop into a deeply meditative state. After years of practice, I can now calm my mind and my heart simply with my breath. There is no right or wrong way to meditate. The point is to try and quiet the mind and find the peaceful center of your being.
There are a wide variety of meditation options available: both guided and unguided meditations, mindfulness, breath awareness, mantra, transcendental—even simple soothing music works. What is successful for one person is not successful for all. Try a meditation app, like Insight or Headspace, to help you get started and choose what works for you. Don’t be afraid to seek out your loved one in your meditation. Focus your attention on your heart and summon up an image of your loved one. Stay in your heart, and FEEL the love being exchanged between the two of you. Your loved one will respond with all the love and compassion and energy you could ask for! As a tool to help ease a grief surge, meditation can be very powerful.
Being in Nature:
Have you ever stopped to appreciate the amazing synchronicities of our existence? Have you ever opened your eyes and ears to be in tune with God and with nature? It’s truly amazing! While on this journey I have learned to open my eyes and to really SEE what is happening around me, and to FEEL the love and guidance being sent to me.
And I learned how much nature really is God’s true medicine. I love to walk outdoors when I am experiencing deep grief surges. Being outside and feeling the crisp air on my skin makes me feel alive again. Even in my darkest hours I can still manage to find joy in the wonderment of this earth and all her beauty. And it’s free therapy! Even walking for 10 minutes a day can help to move grief through the body.
Reiki:
I had been introduced to my first Reiki session during the MomChild Reunion. That treatment, a form of energy healing, had a profound effect on me. I lay on a massage table, fully clothed, with a light blanket covering me and a bolster under my knees for comfort. The Reiki practitioner was seated in a chair at the head of the table. She silently said a prayer, waved her hands around my head, then placed them on my forehead. Immediately I started to drift away, swirling dots of light filling my consciousness as I drifted deeper and deeper into a trance-like state. As she moved her hands to various positions on my body, I became aware of being inside of a beautiful, translucent, quartz crystal. I was embodied in it, similar to a butterfly that is encased in its chrysalis. The brilliance of the light radiating around me was so calming and so soothing. I floated in its majesty for what seemed a very long time. Eventually, the practitioner tapped my feet and began talking softly to me, calling me back into my body. Afterward, I felt as if healing had occurred. Not that my grief had been removed from me, but I had a new calmness, a new awareness that all would be well. I felt cleansed, rejuvenated, re-energized.
Reiki energy is so calming, so healing, so truthful. There is a vulnerability to opening yourself to Divine energy, letting it flow through you as it needs to, locating your areas of weakness and directing its strengths there. Most people leave a Reiki session feeling very relaxed, as if they’d just received a massage. Reiki works on a deep level throughout the body’s energy system and will continue to flow through you for days following a session.
Who has been most helpful in helping you overcome challenges or build and develop the essential skills, qualities or knowledge you needed to be successful?
I have been blessed with many teachers. My first spiritual teacher was Reverend David Akins, who transitioned into Spirit last year. He opened my eyes to everything, and is the person I learned psychic development with.
My second and most profoundly helpful teacher is also in spirit – Sally Baldwin was a very gifted channel medium and spiritual advisor. She was the founder of the MomChild Reunion, which I now carry forward in her honor.
One of the most important understandings I gained from Sally was that I needed to be open to receiving Bryan AS HE IS NOW, not as the sandy-haired boy that I had birthed and nurtured for twenty-three years, because his physical presence was indeed gone. She taught me to embrace Bryan as the soul being that he is now— sure, he has lost his physical form, but he is still smart and funny and a little sarcastic; he is still determined and creative and loving.
This is such a difficult concept for many grieving parents. We want our children back—exactly as they were. We want to hug them and kiss them and turn around to see them next to us. We want to touch their hair, their face, their fingers and toes. We don’t want to let that go, just like there is a part of us that doesn’t want to stop grieving them at all. Because if we stop grieving the loss of their physicality, we stop grieving THEM, and we will have betrayed them.
What we don’t realize when we are in early grieving, is that the exact opposite is true. When we embrace them as they are now, when we can meet them halfway between our physical world and where they are now – that’s where the magic happens!
Contact Info:
- Website: https://paigewlee.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/paigewlee/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/paigewlee
- Youtube: @TranscendingGrief
