Meet Ken Howard, LCSW, CST

We were lucky to catch up with Ken Howard, LCSW, CST recently and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Ken, really happy you were able to join us today and we’re looking forward to sharing your story and insights with our readers. Let’s start with the heart of it all – purpose. How did you find your purpose?
I’m one of those people who doesn’t just have a job or career, but a career that has been fueled by a passion. I was a young gay man just coming out in the mid-80s at the near-height of the AIDS crisis, identifying with my gay brothers just as I saw them sicken and die all around me, from college professors, to friends of friends, to colleagues, to neighbors in Los Angeles. I wasn’t really cut out to become a physician, and it would have taken too long academically. Around this time (1990), I learned myself I was HIV-positive, after someone my age was diagnosed (not a partner) as well at age 26. I felt like a young man during the world wars feeling compelled to enlist to make a difference. I wanted to focus on mental health, and I was worried that I wouldn’t live long enough to complete a PhD in Psychology, so I chose a two-year MSW program in Social Work instead. I started in psychiatric social work, then focused on gay male patients/clients with HIV/AIDS, then as the AIDS crisis stabilized (about 1995), I continued wanting to devote my professional life to the mental health and well-being of gay men, my “tribe.” Now, 34 years after my diagnosis, when my friend I was diagnosed with is dead and many others, I feel I survived in part because I had a purpose to help others mitigate the curses and ills that can happen to anyone, but especially to sexual and gender minorities. The continued fight for equality and social justice fuels my passion even now, and I do my best to fight back and not let the bad folks win. I’m proud to say I do it because I have to, I want to, and I can. Having a purpose is one of several ways to have a rewarding life.

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
For over 32 years now, I’ve had a very focused career as a gay men’s specialist licensed psychotherapist, the most experienced gay men’s specialist therapist in the United States today. I’m proud to have achieved that, but it was just a matter of having a passionate focus and a mission-driven professional life day after day for a long time. I started as a young gay man completing college and grad school right at the height of the global AIDS crisis, and felt compelled to do something to help my gay brothers (and many others) fighting the disease. I wasn’t cut out to be a physician, and it would have taken too long to train, so I focused on HIV/AIDS mental health, especially for the gay male population globally but especially in Los Angeles County. I worked in a number of non-profit, public, and health care settings serving people infected or affected by HIV, not only in helping them cope on practical level, but also an existential level about giving life purpose, joy, and meaning, all while staving off very serious oppression, discrimination, and hate, that was very pervasive. Now, after founding my own psychotherapy and coaching practice for over 26 years (GayTherapyLA.com/GayCoachingLA.com), I continue the exciting work of making a living while making a difference, helping gay men close the gap between how life is, and how they would like it to be, in their mental health, health, career, sexuality, relationships, finances, and community. I see clients, write hundreds of blog articles, a podcast with over 140 episodes, and now I’m launching a series of online courses to reach more gay men worldwide to support their mental health and well-being.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
I think of fairly broad qualities that manifest themselves over and over with so many people and situations in my work as a gay men’s specialist psychotherapist, coach, and advocate/activist over my 32-year careeer. I would say 1) Resilience; 2) Compassion; 3) Determination for qualities, and 1) Language, 2) Assessment; and 3) Collaboration as skills. I say Resilience because there have been challenges — a lot — too many, really, that makes the life stressful at times not because of the problems people have but because of the barriers that slow down progress. Things like access to care, resources, being stymied by discrimination or resistance by people who are either bigoted, selfish, ignorant, hateful, greedy, or all of those, especially when it comes to funding and cultivating social resources; this was especially true when I worked with LGBT people who were unhoused in the mid-late 1990s. Compassion should be a given, everywhere, but that’s not true — some people care, some people don’t. And our camps tend to battle. Determination, because that is the fuel to move forward for positive change, even in the face of a lack of resources or outright resistance. Skills in language have been important because I speak and I write in my work, and without language, I can’t influence change. Assessment skills are about being able to identify the problem as the first step toward solving the problem, with individuals, relationships, organizations, and communities. Collaboration makes all of our collective efforts “greater than the sum of its parts”, as Hillary Clinton said, “It takes a village.” It takes a collective, focused vision of many people working together to solve problems, achieve social justice, and effect positive change. As a psychotherapist/social worker, I’ve always been a big believer in the collaborative, multi-disciplinary team in clinical settings because there isn’t time to study everything, you have to have players with various specialized expertise bringing their contributions to helping a person or organization or community — and the world is a community, when you think about it. My advice is to combine learning a lot, with turning around and teaching a lot, based on what you’ve observed, experienced, and seen work that helps people and situations. We have to listen to others who can teach us, and make that information our own to apply, and then we have to inform and teach others who can get the benefit of how we faced a challenged and at least some of the time, resolved it.

How would you describe your ideal client?
My ideal client since I’ve been in full-time private practice as a gay men’s specialist psychotherapist and coach has been a gay man who simply wants help to close the gap between how life is now, and how he’d like it to be, in various domains of life such as his mental health (whatever the condition or diagnosis is); life experience challenges (such as trauma); relationship issues (conflict, ambivalence, communication, “fairness”); sexual issues (I’m an AASECT nationally Certified Sex Therapist, one of the few gay male ones, helping with erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, frequency of sex, type of sexual expression, guilt or hesitation, pain/medical influences); career issues (gay men can be over-achievers or frustrated/held back by discrimination; finding and building a rewarding career, troubleshooting workplace challenges); health challenges (HIV, other chronic or acute illness management from a mental health point of view),; finances and relationship to money (helping guys cultivate the mental confidence and self-discipline to be financially stable, different from what a financial planner does); spirituality (cultivating existential reward in life), and community (dating, sex, friends, social groups, recreation in the gay male community and its many sub-cultures; I’m involved in the Leather community). Someone who is committed to the process of personal growth, and ready to invest their long-term mental health and well-being, as an individual and in relationships. Someone who doesn’t just choose a therapist based on the “lowest bidder” but wants a very long-term, credentialed expert who’s “been there” helping many other gay men with very similar kinds of challenges.

Contact Info:

 

Image Credits
All photos copyright Ken Howard, 2024

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