Meet Mary Kay Cocharo

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Mary Kay Cocharo a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Mary Kay, we’re so excited for our community to get to know you and learn from your journey and the wisdom you’ve acquired over time. Let’s kick things off with a discussion on self-confidence and self-esteem. How did you develop yours?

Building confidence and self-esteem is a lifelong journey for most of us. I have been a Couples Therapist for 35 years and every couple, every encounter, every workshop, seminar, retreat, and Intensive has taught me something. Over time, I realize that I have seen and heard a lot which bolsters my confidence for the next thing. There is some truth that with age comes wisdom. When confronted with something unfamiliar, I strive to be open and curious. I don’t waste time feeling bad about myself. I like who I am and am proud of the various ways that I know to assist my clients.

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Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?

I am a Relationship Expert. I have 35 years of experience helping couples at all stages of their relationship. I have always enjoyed working with couples before marriage to guide them in building a strong foundation in their relationship. To that end, I have a downloadable E-book on my website called 8 Essential Topics to Discuss Before Saying I Do! I offer any couple the opportunity to work with me in week-to-week Relationship Counseling, Weekend Couples Retreats, and Private Intensives. I am deeply focused on helping couples learn effective communication tools to deepen their emotional connection and improve the quality of their relationship. I know that relationships are hard and most couples benefit from having a guide to lead them back to the love and joy they once had. The best thing about my work is that I have had extensive training in working with couples. I am Certified in Imago Relationship Therapy and Encounter-centered Couples Therapy. Because these models of therapy are deeply effective, I get to routinely experience the thrill of transformation within my clients’ relationships. I am currently developing a card deck for couples to learn and practice positive relationship activities at home.

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If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

Looking back over my career, three things were most impactful in my journey. I have been privileged to have solid training, supervision, and mentoring by gifted people in the field. This is key and I always recommend that new therapists seek the best mentors they can find.
I also think I have benefitted by surrounding myself with a supportive group of collaborative colleagues. Therapy work is challenging and not easy to do in isolation. It’s important to have peer support and supervision. This allows for more brain-storming, as well as for more fun through collaboration and networking. I advise young therapists to go to mixers, seek out colleagues, go to lunch, and get to know who else is in the field. Join organizations and groups of like-minded professionals.
IA third thing that was very important in my career was that I specialized early on. I started as a Family Therapist but moved to developing expertise and a client base of couples within the first five years. This early interest allowed me to deepen my knowledge and become an expert as I aged into the profession.

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Who is your ideal client or what sort of characteristics would make someone an ideal client for you?

My ideal clients are highly motivated couples. It’s okay if they are in a crisis, upset, angry, hurt, lonely, or trying to decide whether to stay or go. What makes them ideal is not the nature or degree of their problems, but how committed they are to the process of growth and healing. Ideal clients are open to change and realize that their conflict is their opportunity to change what isn’t working.

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