Meet Shari Botwin

Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Shari Botwin. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.

Shari, so good to have you with us today. We’ve always been impressed with folks who have a very clear sense of purpose and so maybe we can jump right in and talk about how you found your purpose?

From a young age, I decided that “someday, someone will hear me.” In order to survive years of childhood sexual abuse within my family, I had this mantra that I said to myself. I remember this first time this statement came into my mind. I was standing on the playground in the fourth grade. I watched all the kids interacting, and I felt like such a misfit. At that time, and for many years to follow, I could not let myself know the facts about what was happening to me. However, I knew that something was very wrong and that I was “different” than all the other kids. As I got older, the feelings of shame and despair grew. In order to stay sane and stay alive, I told myself that I needed to keep fighting. When I was in my mid-twenties, the memories of my abuse came back. The floodgates opened, and I spent over ten years in intensive outpatient therapy. On countless occasions, I felt like I wanted to disappear and I wanted to quit therapy. In order to continue moving forward, I needed to find my purpose and know that at some point I would find a way to turn my pain into something powerful. For the last twenty years, I have been counseling survivors of all types of childhood trauma. Every time clients disclose traumas from their childhood, I feel like I have purpose. I know I can help them and that there is so much hope from letting ourselves know, understand and speak the truth.

Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?

After I broke my silence about my history of childhood sexual abuse, and spent ten years in intensive therapy, I began counseling men, women and teenagers in my private practice. Five years ago, I published my second book, Thriving After Trauma: Stories of Living and Healing, which addresses readers who have experienced trauma or loss due to accidents, abuse or injury. A couple of years ago, I started serving as a trauma expert witness in high profile cases of childhood abuse, domestic violence, gun violence and terroristic threats. In May 2024, my third book, Stolen Childhoods: Thriving After Abused released worldwide. One of the most empowering experiences I recently had was the opportunity to also narrate the audiobook, which was released on June 11, 2024.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

Looking back, my relationships with my therapist and mentors had the biggest impact on my journey when I was remembering and beginning to heal from an abusive childhood. It was not until I became a parent to my now thirteen-year-old kiddo, that I realized the immensity of what happened to me. Being a parent has allowed me to heal the younger parts of myself that felt unprotected and unheard. My determination to live a full life has helped me go from surviving to moving into a life of thriving and purpose as an adult.
If you are at the beginning of your healing journey, my advice is that you create a tribe of supporters that can remind you of how important you are and that you are loved! That may mean bringing on members that are not biologically related. Feeling a sense of meaning and knowing that people will stand behind you, no matter what, will get you through the hardest moments.

Any advice for folks feeling overwhelmed?

When I feel overwhelmed, I reach out for support. I talk to people about what is going on, and then I figure out how to place the feelings from the past that are creeping in. I also set boundaries and give myself space. It is crucial that we take time to sit with the emotions and recognize that feeling overwhelmed is a feeling, that will not last forever. Sometimes, I just sit in the sun and breathe, so I can calm my nervous system and get my feet planted back on the ground.
If you feel overwhelmed, develop a list of three to five steps you can take to work through whatever is happening at that time. Take a walk. Go for a hike. Meditate. Take a yoga class. Hop on your peloton. Call a friend. Set up a therapy session. Do what works for you!

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