We recently connected with Karen Viesta and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Karen, appreciate you sitting with us today. Maybe we can start with a topic that we care deeply about because it’s something we’ve found really sets folks apart and can make all the difference in whether someone reaches their goals. Self discipline seems to have an outsized impact on how someone’s life plays out and so we’d love to hear about how you developed yours?
A lot of people said things like “you’re so disciplined” and it’s so interesting to me because I can remember a time in my life when discipline felt like such a struggle. For one thing, It felt boring – like discipline was the opposite of freedom, I thought that if you’re disciplined, you can’t be spontaneous or fun. Also, I associated discipline with punishment and deprivation, so it seemed like I was kind of white knuckling my way through whatever I was trying to do.
And what ‘s amazing about my sense of discipline now is that (a) I don’t ever feel like it’s a struggle or like I’m forcing myself to do something against my will, and (b) my sense of discipline actually BRINGS me so much freedom and allows me to be way more spontaneous than I’d ever been before.
So, as people began commenting about this more and more, I began to reflect on it a bit, I began to unpack how things shifted for me, and I came to realize that – like everything else in life – discipline is completely a mental game and when we shift our thoughts about it, it becomes ridiculously easy to create discipline in our lives.
I have a really different approach to discipline. I think of it as the Wellegant way to dynamic discipline – the discipline that propels you forward in your life…
But first, let’s address two myths that can be very problematic when we’re trying to develop more discipline:
One belief that is a complete myth is that some are disciplined and some are not. Like when we’re born we fall into 2 camps – those with discipline and those without. And this is absolutely not the case and in fact it’s pretty ridiculous because our actions are never dictated by genetics or anything but our own thoughts. Period. And I know some of you will want to disagree, but the reality is that our actions always reflect our thoughts and those people for whom discipline is not a problem simply think about discipline differently and for that reason they don’t resist it – they use it as a tool.
The other myth is the one that I believed for so long which is that discipline = restriction, rigidity, and a lack of freedom. If you view discipline as something that takes away spontaneity or enjoyment from your life, then of course you’ll resist it. But again, this is a misconception that really sabotages sour efforts.
The fact is – and this is the reason that discipline is such a powerful tool – discipline provides us with the structure and focus that we need to achieve our goals. Discipline empowers. It allows us to prioritize our time and energy effectively, so that we can make progress in the area(s) that truly matter to us.
When used effectively, It helps us break free from procrastination and inconsistency.
We need to fall in love with discipline – and specifically, fall in love with our disciplines, whatever we decide them to be.
And we do that by (1) creating clarity around our goal; (2) raising our standards so that we no longer tolerate the things that drag us away from our goal/objective; (3) form new thoughts – ones that support us; (4) create an environment, routines and rituals that lead us to our goal and (5) celebrate every ‘win’ along the way!
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
You can find my story here: https://wellegantwoman.com/about/
My group coaching program runs several times a year. It’s called Revitalize: 30 days to Beauty, Balance and Boundless Energy.
You can find details here: https://wellegantwoman.com/revitalize-2/
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
my intellectual curiosity
my commitment to my health
my sense of discipline
Before we go, any advice you can share with people who are feeling overwhelmed?
Overwhelm has become a chronic condition. Regardless of what the to-do list looks like, most women exist in a state of overwhelm, and the more we talk about it and reinforce that thought, the bigger it becomes and the harder it is to get rid of that feeling.
So let’s start there – overwhelm is a feeling. And all feelings are created by our thoughts. Your overwhelm is not created by your roles, your responsibilities or your to do list. I know some of you will want to argue with that, but the proof is in the fact that, oftentimes, even when we get stuff done and check things off of our list, we continue to feel overwhelmed. It has, for many women become a habitual state.
And once we know that our thoughts are creating this feeling, we can work on reframing our thoughts and creating ones that feel more peaceful and that allow us to be more productive.
First, be mindful of your language. We often talk ourselves into a state of stress. If you can, don’t speak about all that you have to do with people. For one thing, most people don’t really care to hear your to-do list (most of the time they really don’t) and if you do feel the need to speak about it, try to avoid using words like ‘should’ and ‘have to’. The minute we use those words, it creates some resistance in the brain. You don’t have to do anything – everything is a choice. So own that and you’ll immediately feel a little bit more empowered. And there is no should – again – you’re adding a layer of judgment and guilt that just does not serve you. So pay attention to your language and use more empowering language.
Next, take a look at your thoughts. Do you have the attitude that so many women have which is that you need to do everything? That nobody else will do it correctly? or that nobody understands as well as you what needs to be done? Or do you assume that others will be unsupportive even before you’ve asked them? Look at the thoughts you have about getting support
So many women – myself included – can be control freaks. And when we are veery controlling, we can find ourselves rejecting support or not asking for support…and then complaining about the fact that we don’t have support. So get honest with yourself about the thoughts you have about the work that needs to get done and see whether you have any resistance to help/support.
The other thing you’ll want to look at is where are your thoughts – in the past, present or future? When I was overwhelmed recently, i was future tripping about what would happen if i couldn’t get things done and deliver on promises that i made and deadlines that i had. I was also imagining all of the struggles that I was going to have because I kept telling myself that I’m not tech savvy. You might have heard me say this – I say this a lot and I realized last week that it’s only creating anxiety anytime that I have to deal with tech – which is more and more as my business is growing. So that’s something that i need to do some thought work on.
Where are your thoughts when you’re in a state of overwhelm? Maybe you have a difficult co-worker and anytime you have to collaborate, you’re future tripping and anticipating some difficult interaction before you’ve even begun to collaborate. Or maybe you begin to replay the last unpleasant interaction you had with him/her. We do these things all the time without even realizing it.
So now i want you to start to realize what your thoughts are and whether you are in fact present or whether you’re in the past or the future, neither of which will get you out of overwhelm. The more present we are, the more focused and productive we are.
The next strategy that I’ll suggest and that really helped me is to think about your core priorities and set clear boundaries to protect our time and energy. This might mean saying no to certain commitments, delegating tasks, or reevaluating our to-do lists. You want to get very clear on which tasks really matter and what really needs immediate attention. I love the book Essentialism by Greg McKeowan and in it, he talks about how most tasks are important or urgent. Very few are both. If something is both important and urgent, that’s when you drop everything and do it right away, but if not, then we need not treat it like it’s a drop everything kind of task. (which is what a lot of us tend to do. We make other people’s demands our emergencies – and that is not productive at all)
Be careful about how you’re using that imagination of yours. Instead of projecting into the future and imagining failure or difficulty or humiliation, imagine success and confidence and celebration of a job well done.
And then the last thing I’ll suggest is self care and wellness. If you think that your wellness has no impact on your productivity and your feelings of overwhelm, think again. The better you feel, the more rested you are and the more energy and enthusiasm you have, the better you’ll be able to manage overwhelm and to create the focus and motivation and productivity that you’d like.
If you really want to know the truth, your self care – your workouts, your time to prepare and eat healthy meals, your time to reconnect with your partner or your kids , your downtime- those are the FIRST things that should go onto your calendar.
Which is ironic bc they’re the usually the first things that get dropped when we get busy and time becomes limited. And all that does is make it that much harder to break the cycle. It shouldn’t be that those things only happen if theres time left over after you’ve completed everything. Because guess what?? You’ll never complete everything. There will always be more to do. So it’s up to us to make that a non-negotiable and a top priority.
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A Vital Beauty Photography
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