Meet Stephanie Marks

We were lucky to catch up with Stephanie Marks recently and have shared our conversation below.

Stephanie, we are so appreciative of you taking the time to open up about the extremely important, albeit personal, topic of mental health. Can you talk to us about your journey and how you were able to overcome the challenges related to mental issues? For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.

Throughout my life, I have experienced many periods where managing my mental health has proved to be difficult and, at times, felt insurmountable. My experiences managing my own mental health challenges have uniquely equipped me to support my own clients in my career as a mental health therapist. Participating in my own personal therapy for the past twenty years has allowed me to bring a deeper level of empathy, vulnerability, and understanding to my work with my clients.
Mental health issues have long plagued both sides of my brilliant, creative, and compassionate family and I am, unfortunately, no exception. Some of my earliest childhood memories involve ruminating for years over seemingly innocuous childhood experiences; Leaving a swim meet early due to a migraine (I was reminded of this every day for years each time I took a shower, I guess water = reminders of forever disappointing my swim coach), intrusive thoughts of every time I have ever thrown up, ever, and worrying for hours after school about my sexuality, in elementary school. Now that I am diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, I can reflect on my childhood and clearly see that I was anxious, but it was the early 1990s, and smart, gifted, functional kids like me didn’t get anxiety disorder diagnoses.
For the most part, my anxiety was manageable during my elementary school years. Then in 5th grade my parents went through a traumatic, contentious divorce that lasted until I was out of high school. The emotional ramifications of the divorce were devastating, and middle school, high school, and early college were marked by academic success and visceral emotional suffering.
My first exposure to therapy was court ordered family counseling which was brief, unpleasant, and miserable. My second exposure to therapy happened after my mom took text messaging capabilities off of my phone when I was in high school (back when you could do that) and the only way to get it back was to attend therapy. Clearly, not having text messaging was not an option, so off to therapy I went. I loved my high school therapist, and she was incredibly instrumental in helping me heal some of the wounds from my parent’s divorce and helped me realize that I might want to be a therapist one day too.
My sophomore year of college was when I was no longer able to out-function my anxiety disorder and my life fell apart. That year I had ended an incredibly unhealthy relationship with my boyfriend and escaped my former living situation with a roommate that was addicted to drugs whose behavior had become unpredictable and dangerous. I moved into the safety of my own one-bedroom apartment and I just couldn’t function anymore. My chronic stress and anxiety led to ulcers, which caused me to feel unwell, which my brain ran with. Not feeling well quickly went from “my stomach hurts” to “this food made me sick” to “what if I throw up?” to “all of my food is contaminated.” At the height of my anxiety disorder, I was a recluse with no self-esteem who was not attending class, afraid to eat anything, and throwing away all the food in my refrigerator, then replacing it all, then throwing it all away again, multiple times a week. In addition to my food issues, I was worrying constantly about school, relationships, myself, and my future. Enter my mother with the ultimatum again, “if you don’t see a therapist, I am unenrolling you from Mizzou and you are coming home”, and I was back in therapy, because in my mind, there was nothing worse than moving home from college and back in with my mother.
This experience in therapy, I credit with saving my life. My therapist was the first person who told me I had Generalized Anxiety Disorder and finally gave me insight into why my brain functioned the way it did. I was able to stop believing I was legitimately crazy because my behavior finally had a name, and enough people must have had the same thing I did if it had a name. She taught me all about gifted brains, and why we are so prone to torturing ourselves with our perceived personal failures. She gave me tools that allowed me to regain control over my anxiety so I could resume going out with friends, eating in restaurants, and attending class. She was vulnerable, and authentic, and allowed me to explore the most shameful, embarrassing parts of myself. Once, I was broken up with over the phone while I was driving to my therapy session, and she let me ugly cry on her couch for the entire hour. It was the first space I had ever had where I felt like enough regardless of how I showed up.
I was already a psychology major with aspirations to go to grad school to become a therapist. My experience with my therapist affirmed that if I could help one person, a fraction of the amount she had helped me, my life would have purpose and meaning. Fast forward 16 years from when I first sat down on her couch to tell her how crazy I was, I am now in my 12th year as a therapist, helping clients just like me.
I would be lying if I told you my anxiety disorder didn’t still have an impact on my life. I find myself frequently anxious, but I now have the tools to keep me from throwing away all my food when I get an intrusive thought about the raw chicken in my refrigerator. I appreciate my anxiety for helping keep me safe and I am immensely grateful that it has allowed me to truly connect to my clients’ experiences with their own anxiety. I wouldn’t be nearly as good at my job if I didn’t intimately know what it feels like to sit across from a stranger and tell them about the darkest parts of yourself.
My big secret to managing my mental health is continued therapy, in fact, I have a session with my personal therapist tomorrow, right after I get done helping my last client of the week. I will probably be in therapy for the better part of the rest of my life, but I’m okay with that if it allows me to continue to live my life, and support my clients to live their lives, in a way that doesn’t feel quite so bad all the time.

Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?

As mental health therapist in private practice since 2012, I take an affective, strengths-based approach to therapy. I practice cognitive behavioral therapy, family systems therapy, trauma-informed care, dialectical behavioral therapy, and mindfulness. I work with individuals, families, and couples and have previously led LGBTQ+ inclusive process groups.

My style of therapy is centered, relaxed, and collaborative. I believe you have to be comfortable to do your best work. You can frequently find me practicing in a sweatshirt. It is vital to my practice that clients know they are talking to a real human being, and my client-therapist relationships are built on mutual trust and safety.

I believe that mental healthcare should be holistic. To get at the whole person, I like to explore the relationship between movement, nutrition, sleep, and time spent in nature. Coordination of care is essential, and I frequently collaborate with dieticians, other healthcare providers, and academic support staff. I have extensive experience working with universities to advocate for and eta accommodations for my clients.

I welcome clients from all communities, backgrounds, and walks of life, and make a conscious effort to ensure my clients feel safe and supported at all times.

Outside of my home office, I am an avid hiker and eater of takeout. I’m learning to surf, love banana slugs, collect way too many house plants, and my favorite part of every day is spending time with my seventeen-year-old wiener dog, Myles.

After 11 years at a group practice based in Houston, Texas, I recently opened my own practice, Shorebird Psychotherapy based in San Jose, California serving clients throughout California and Texas.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

Three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that have been most impactful in my personal and professional journey are my empathy, ability to ask for help, and perseverance. If you are early in your personal or professional journey, my biggest advice is to not be afraid to connect with others.

I think a large part of my empathy comes naturally, but I always find it beneficial to connect with others over mutually shared experiences, thoughts, or feelings. I think its one of the absolute best ways for form lasting relationships, both personally, and professionally.

Ask all of the questions, don’t be afraid to admit you don’t know something, and always seek out the answers you need. I think that asking for what I needed is one of the biggest things that benefitted me early in my career. It showed my bosses I could be transparent about where I was at and was motivated to learn the skills I needed to be good at my job.

It’s so important to trust that you are capable of achieving your goals, even if it feels big and scary. I always tell my clients, “everything you want is on the other side of fear.” After being terrified to work for myself for the better part of my career, I finally got to the point where I trusted myself enough to make the big scary decision to leave my group practice and go out on my own.

What was the most impactful thing your parents did for you?

The most impactful thing my parents did for me was encourage (really at the time, force) me go to therapy in high school and college. Without their urging, I am unsure if I ever would have gotten the opportunity to heal my childhood traumas and have my anxiety disorder treated and diagnosed. I am incredibly fortunate to have had the opportunity to have affordable, quality therapy from a young age, something I wish was accessible to more people.

Contact Info:

Image Credits

Photos by Ryan Morgado

Graphic Design by Erin Wallace

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