We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Megan Powell. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Megan below.
Megan, so great to have you sharing your thoughts and wisdom with our readers and so let’s jump right into one of our favorite topics – empathy. We think a lack of empathy is at the heart of so many issues the world is struggling with and so our hope is to contribute to an environment that fosters the development of empathy. Along those lines, we’d love to hear your thoughts around where your empathy comes from?
Headline:
Deserving happiness: a love story of forgiveness
Relationship story in an interview format
Published at Bold Journey
Headline:
Deserving happiness: a love story of forgiveness
Setting
In this article, Megan’s journey in relationships
is narrated in the style of an interview Q&A. It takes place in the author’s mind during personal reflection, as might occur in daily journaling or quiet time. The dialogue unfolds like a mental podcast or inner radio show. The host and interviewer of this exchange, assumably the author’s higher self or ego, are speaking with the guest, assumably the author’s super-ego or ID, about relationships. It is a journey of surmounting emotional distress in the pursuit of happiness.
Interviewer:
Today, Megan delves into relationships.
She shares her insights and tools, offering a fresh perspective on overcoming a lifetime of struggles and finding peace and joy in her relationships and life.
Megan:
Yes, relationships are the glue of life; without them, the opportunity to understand who you are is very remote.
Interviewer:
Oh, that is very interesting. A relationship with someone else might answer the age-old question of who I am.
Megan:
Yes. That is the first inquiry of Buddhism.
Interviewer:
Oh, tell me more.
Megan:
The real quest when you sit to meditate is to learn about yourself. You start to ask yourself: “Am I this physical body? After past that, you also have an unanswered question. You ask again: “Am I this personality?”
After you strip away all the ego and layers of personality, you confront that mystery. So, “who am I?”
So, in a relationship, there is an opportunity to ask the following question: Who am I in front of this human being right here, right now? And we lose sight of it because we are so involved with the routine, mundane, and life details. And we ignore whoever is in front of us. The other becomes this unrelated person from whom you want to get something. Well, it depends on the moment of the day and where you are in life.
Interviewer:
Please tell me how relationships are meaningful to you. You seem very good at relationships, so there’d be no issues. Is there a present or past situation that reaches into your heart right now that you want to share some wisdom about?
Megan:
I can say that I feel fulfilled with my primary relationships: my mom, my daughter, my husband, with those I meet at work, with students and clients, and with my sphere of influence, but it was always not like that. Forming and keeping relationships was sometimes a struggle some time ago. I believe I was like most people: cautious to protect myself. But in some cases, a noticeable trend took hold of me. My thoughts and opinions directed the relationship to be black and white. With the help of coaches and mentors, I understood the root of my challenges. I overcame them and shifted my paradigm. I started to perceive relationships as a beautiful and rich mutual agreement between two people, two human beings. That can be a fantastic dance of the hearts.
THE ISSUES THAT ARISE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Interviewer:
Tell us more about your challenge.
Megan:
Relationships may be seen as temporal. They are here today and gone tomorrow. In some of these relationships, the struggles arise from an internal conflict. We may awfulize: “This person is complicated.”
We may love or hate those with whom we have a conflict; somebody may trigger those unresolved resentments and past anger. We begin eternalizing the dread: “Is it going to be this way forever?” Unless you solve all that, your relationships are temporal.
However, relationships are also spiritual. During troubling encounters, it helps to remember the spiritual aspect of relationships. It may be surprising to hear, but in this regard, I found that this begins with self-first. You can create deeper connections with others when you seek to get in touch with how you feel and build intimacy with yourself. Otherwise, you are constantly projecting your unresolved conflicts onto someone else. So, our childhood wounds become filters we project onto our relationships—better filters make for a better life.
Interviewer:
You said spiritual. Is there a relationship with God in there?
Megan:
Well, spirituality, for me, is something that begins and ends with the relationship you develop with the self. ‘God’ is a very charged word, filled with opinion, ownership, community, purpose, and many other aspects of humanity.
Each person may see it in different ways. I do not have an official religion and am not interested in converting others to my spiritual mindset. I come from a Christian/Catholic background, respect all religions, and now have my spiritual path. For me, religion, God, and spiritual path are entirely different things. But if we talk about God, God is inside yourself, in myself. God is everywhere. It is in my dog, in my tree. So, God is in everything. Thus, God is also in every relationship.
THE CHALLENGE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Interviewer:
Could you delve into some of those challenges? You indicated that our life task is to develop a self-relationship, but let’s go to the next level with the other person. Is there another relationship you might have had a challenge with, and is it okay with you now? What was the breaking point when things started to change?
Megan:
My relationship with my mom is very loving, but it hasn’t always been that way. As a baby, I was naturally self-centered because I relied on adults for safety, food, comfort, development, and learning. If we don’t grow emotionally, we might carry this immature mindset into our adult lives. The point is that it’s essential to become aware of and heal from our childhood experiences. In my case, I came from a dysfunctional family with a lot of mental and physical abuse. Again, who doesn’t have dysfunctionality in their family of origin? What matters most is to recognize and grow from that beginning.
WHEN THE IDEAL FAMILY FALLS APART
The fantasy of a perfect family fell apart. The constant feelings of sadness and anxiety finally made sense. Throughout my life, my mom was emotionally unavailable to me, and it became clear that she was only interested in having her emotional needs met. I felt deeply disappointed that I didn’t have a loving, supportive family like the one portrayed in the TV show “The Brady Bunch.”
That realization was overwhelming. I had to face those unresolved feelings: sadness, anger, and others. I longed for a father who left me when I was nine years old. I became angry at my mom for failing to provide me with love and compassion. Despite all this, life continued to present its challenges.
AND THE CHALLENGING PERSON WAS ME
It became clear that my childhood wounds became traumas, and they were filters distorting every relationship. Blind to the hurt inside, you project all that anger, blame, and resentment onto your acquaintances, boss, and coworker. These filters can make you a challenging person to deal with. In my case, not having an early role model in a caring mother, I can’t say I was a loving mother either. So now I have two problems, not only with my mom but also with my daughter. Things escalated, and eventually, neither of us was talking to each other.
SOLUTION: TAKE INVENTORY OF WHO YOU WANT TO BECOME
I needed to inventory what I had (or didn’t) and learn how to pursue life by feeling happy because living this life unhappy is not fun; it is just ordinary and mediocre. We are here to be happy people, and I believe in the guiding purpose of happiness. So, I found a happy ending at the end of this story.
Interviewer:
How were these conflicts resolved? What actions did you take?
Megan:
Well, first, meditation helped me to recognize how my mental state created suffering. Therapy and inner reflection pointed me to identify what was lacking in life. I was missing a deep emotional connection with myself, and my heart felt numb. I lived in a state of trauma.
I like to say you are the hero of your life because gathering your shattered pieces and being honest about your situation takes courage.
Interviewer:
Do you mean stop acting like a victim?
Megan:
Yes, and I’ll say that it is a hard pill to swallow. Taking charge of your life is necessary by recognizing your part in what goes wrong. It is not an easy task.
Interviewer:
Are you saying you can’t change others?
Megan:
You got it! You can’t change the past or how others think of or treat you, but you can change how you treat yourself.
This step requires bravery, especially when we feel scared, hurt, and confused.
Interviewer:
It seems a messy and challenging process.
Megan:
Yes, and there are no quick or easy fixes, in my experience.
TAKING ACTION
Interviewer:
Share specific actions you took daily, weekly, or in another timeframe.
Megan:
I underwent therapy and delved into a spiritual path. I did a lot of healing work, including breath work, meditation, and yoga. There was a moment in my therapy sessions when my therapist suggested it was time for forgiveness. The idea of forgiveness felt like salt in a wound; it was incredibly difficult for me. I was also tired of repeatedly telling the same story about how my mom abandoned me and how she was mean and rude. I decided to take a leap of faith and let go of that repetitive old narrative by forgiving her.
Interviewer:
How did you know to forgive instead of holding onto anger and justifying it? It must have been surprising, but how did you eventually conclude that letting go of the past was the solution?
Megan:
It was a big step because my ego identified with that bitter tale. But I had good coaches and mentors who taught me a lot.
I learned that setting an intention to forgive can be powerful, even if it initially feels insincere.
My husband encouraged me to let go of those old narratives.
And then, one morning, holding my cup of coffee, I said out loud in the kitchen, “I forgive my mom.” It felt so unreal.
Interviewer:
Are you talking about positive affirmations stuff?
Megan:
Yes, in part. I kept pushing a positive inner narrative until I changed. Words are powerful; if you say them, even without believing in them at first, they manifest their power.
I discovered a Hawaiian prayer technique where you repeat a few phrases like “I am sorry,” “Please forgive me,” “Thank you,” and “I love you” to bring about healing.
Interviewer:
Tell me about that Prayer.
Megan:
Sure. It is called Hoʻoponopono.
It is a balm to the mind. Here is how it works:
You bring a person or situation into your mind and keep repeating those phrases until you feel better. I did that many times, and eventually, I could work through my feelings. However, when I thought I had made progress, a similar situation arose with my daughter, and I faced the same emotions again. The story was repeating itself.
Interviewer:
You’re okay with your mom, and now, somehow, you have a block in a relationship with your daughter.
Megan:
You know, we had a very close relationship for quite some time. However, I failed to be there for my daughter in ways that were very disappointing to her and to me. I struggled to let go of my hurts and frustrations when she did not meet my expectations. That was upsetting, and it deeply affected both of us. It took time to heal.
Interviewer:
What was the timeframe here? Was this just a couple of minutes, a couple of weeks, a couple of months?
Megan:
It took me years because I’m pretty stubborn.
Interviewer:
Sounds very resilient and persistent.
Megan:
Well, I’ve discovered that the most rewarding relationship is with yourself. It’s about becoming our cheerleader. Self-love allows us to shower others with tolerance and gracefully handle life’s storms.
Interviewer:
Are you saying that your perception of reality shifted?
Megan:
You got it. It was not about being fulfilled by my mom anymore or having my daughter make me happy. It was about loving and accepting myself unconditionally despite my flaws and limitations.
Interviewer:
So, you were no longer asking them to validate your worth.
Megan:
Yes, that sounds right. When I claimed my self-worth, I no longer needed their approval and would no longer be consumed by their actions or opinions.
Interviewer:
Does this mean that relationships are imperfect?
Megan:
To some degree or another. It is friction that helps us to grow.
Interviewer:
How about we recap?
Here are the main points I heard you saying today:
Your lifetime relationship struggles were the motivation to heal from past wounds.
Then, when you embrace imperfect relationships, you also cultivate freedom.
Second: Let them be who they are without feeling let down.
Third: Dropping expectations may be challenging and sound self-centered.
Megan:
Well said. We don’t want to eliminate self-centeredness because this is the center of who we are. You are the self, and you find the self in your center – beyond mind and body. And you need to dive deep into it to recognize what is in there. It is a rich discovery packed with laughter, creativity, peace, wisdom, generosity, and much more. That is the teachings of the Buddha—the teachings of Jesus, the teachings of love. You want to dive into the center and find everything you need there.
Interviewer:
Another way to put it is that you no longer demand a 70-year-old woman, your mom, to show you love and fill in the gaps where things didn’t work. Similarly, you no longer expect an adult daughter with her thoughts and feelings and budding family to comply with requests such as ‘Do this,’ ‘Follow my rules,’ etcetera. Let them be who they are, just as you are on your journey of self-discovery and empowerment.
Megan:
The bonds of family are immutable, and yet the nature of each relationship evolves over our lifetimes. Relationships remind us that life is constantly changing. Remember that your needs change at each stage, as do those of your parents and kids. Give people the option to stay or go, and when you do, guess what? People stay. Friends become present. Students become part of the family. And life becomes much sweeter.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
Megan is a compassionate Wellness coach who integrates practical neuroscience hacks and mindfulness techniques to empower the lives of her clients and students.
Her mentorship provides a warm and inviting space for her clients to soothe and self-regulate their nervous system.
She encourages them to cultivate mental strength and self-care and to claim their voice in the world.
She inspires the release of outdated beliefs, making room for profound insights. Described as a ‘confidently vulnerable work in progress,’ she ignites positive change in the lives of others to discover their inner strength, cultivate resilience, and practice self-kindness.
Outside her practice, she enjoys watching Netflix, creating gourmet grain-free delights, and savoring a fine Rioja in her backyard in Frederick, MD. She passionately teaches classes and leads workshops and retreats when she’s away.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Self-care is not just a luxury; it’s a necessity. Understanding its benefits is crucial as it empowers you to take control of your life, valuing and prioritizing your physical and mental well-being. So, why not dedicate a few minutes daily to invest in yourself?
Here are 05 helpful self-care activities:
1. gentle yoga: start your day with gentle stretches to loosen up the joints and muscles.
2. Spend at least five minutes outside, preferably taking an outdoor walk, to refresh your mind.
3. Sacred pause at the hour and breathe deeply for a full minute
4. It’s crucial to boost your confidence by joyfully celebrating your wins daily, no matter how small they may seem. Give yourself a high-five in the mirror, dance to a song that fills you with happiness, and take a moment to bask in the sun for a minute or two. This practice acknowledges your achievements and fuels your motivation to keep moving forward.
5. Begin and finish your day with a moment of gratitude. Take a few minutes to write down three things you are grateful for.
Okay, so before we go we always love to ask if you are looking for folks to partner or collaborate with?
Megan is a compassionate Wellness coach who integrates practical neuroscience hacks and mindfulness techniques to empower the lives of her clients and students.
Her mentorship provides a warm and inviting space for her clients to soothe and self-regulate their nervous system.
She encourages them to cultivate mental strength and self-care and to claim their voice in the world.
She inspires the release of outdated beliefs, making room for profound insights. Described as a ‘confidently vulnerable work in progress,’ she ignites positive change in the lives of others to discover their inner strength, cultivate resilience, and practice self-kindness.
Outside her practice, she enjoys watching Netflix, creating gourmet grain-free delights, and savoring a fine Rioja in her backyard in Frederick, MD. She passionately teaches classes and leads workshops and retreats when she’s away.
Megan Powell is a Wellness coach who integrates practical neuroscience tools, a Mindfulness Mentor certified by the University of Berkeley, CA, and a certified 500YTT Yoga Teacher; she holds a spiritual mentorship from The Mid-Atlantic Pathwork.
I’m offering a 45-minute session, a valuable opportunity to reset your nervous system and move you closer to your goals. It’s completely complimentary and a token of appreciation for your dedication as a coach.
👇Click the link below to schedule a complimentary power hour to enhance your abilities in the world.
https://calendly.com/meganpowellbiz/following-your-call
Contact Info:
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