We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Jenn Bethune. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Jenn below.
Jenn, so good to have you with us today. We’ve got so much planned, so let’s jump right into it. We live in such a diverse world, and in many ways the world is getting better and more understanding but it’s far from perfect. There are so many times where folks find themselves in rooms or situations where they are the only ones that look like them – that might mean being the only woman of color in the room or the only person who grew up in a certain environment etc. Can you talk to us about how you’ve managed to thrive even in situations where you were the only one in the room?
In 2011, we lost our son Ethan in a car accident, on our way to Walt Disney world for his 7th birthday.
Ethan was such a courageous kid, very wise beyond his years. I had him when I was 17 and had been a single mom, up until Ethan was 18 months old, when I met my partner Kyle. Ethan never met his Father. So truly, Kyle was the only dad he’d ever known.
We had been to Disney many times previously to the one that took Ethan’s life, and the story I’m going to tell you, illustrating the moment I learned how to be effective when you are the only one in the room, comes from one of those trips.
It was a Wednesday and Ethan had a half day of school. Every half day, I would load Ben, our younger son up in the car and I’d pick Ethan up from school. Instead of going home, we only lived about 45 minutes from Walt Disney World, the boys and I would spend the rest of our day at the mouse.
This Wednesday in particular, we had just parked and were standing in line at the transportation and ticket center, waiting for the monorail to take us to the Magic Kingdom.
This was back in 2011 and wearing fashion feathers in your hair was a very big thing. Ethan had asked for some in his hair, an orange and blue one, a couple weeks prior and I obliged. I encouraged him to follow the beat of his own drum, wearing what made him happy, and so he did.
Back in line, there was a Middle Aged man who walked up standing behind us. He looked down at Ethan and remarked “you’ve got a feather in your hair. Aren’t those things for girls?”
Ethan looked up at me, then his gaze turned to the man. He took and breath and smiled.
“Well, sir, I’m a boy, and I’m wearing one. So I guess that means they’re for boys too.” Ethan stated calmly. The man was caught off guard and stammered “oh. Yes, you are Right. Yes, yes they are.”
Just then, the monorail pulled into the station and we loaded into the car.
Just by Ethan being his pure-hearted self and matter of factly stating his autonomy, he changed a person’s heart that day. I knew in that moment, I wanted to be like Ethan when I grew up.
Typically, I’m the only one in the room that looks and treats others the way I do, and I’m okay with that. When you’re the only one in the room that is your purest and authentic self, you create and allow space for others to believe that they can be there most true selves too.
I have spent many many years since the accident to discover who Jenn is at my core and I know for the rest of my days, I’ll still be uncovering more of who I am and where my journey is leading to. I can tell you for sure that in every moment, I’m me at my purest.
People can change the world, just by learning how to be a kid again.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
Just like a snowflake, everyone’s stories are unique to them, no two are exactly alike. Like yours, My stories are eccentric and very much my own.
I’m jenn, I’m a nomad and I live with my partner, 3 kids, and 4 dogs in our vintage bus, traveling the country. We’ve been doing this for almost 5 years in our home on wheels we dubbed, Blue Betty.
Back in 2011, losing our son in a very tragic way broke me completely open. In the years since, I have used the lessons life brings me to grow, evolve, and change. We moved into our bus as a “Hail Mary” to try and repair our family. In November of 2019 when we bought our bus, sight unseen, and began to remodel it ourselves, we had no idea what we were in for or just how much this decision would impact the rest of our lives dramatically.
For nearly 5 years, we have broken down what we thought family and life was supposed to be and we’ve reconstructed the most perfect life for us. We live in 300 sq ft with 9 living things and this is truly the most joyful and happy we have ever been.
We recently bought a property in the mountains of Northeastern New Mexico, to have as a place of solitude; coming back to when travel makes us weary. Our slice of restoration has crystals all over, wild desert sage, as well as wild asparagus and spinach you can actually eat. It’s exactly what our souls needed. How this property came to be however, is a story for another day.
As I’m sure similar to many of you, I’ve been intentionally walking my healing journey for some time now and I’m in a season where I’m soaking up being present in each moment.
Basically, I’m a modern day hippie, using the education I’m getting through the School of Life, to show people how to unlock their own healing journeys and finally find the freedom they’ve always been craving. I also love to use my clothing as my paint and my body as my canvas to create the outward expression of my inner self. Living every day as the truest version of myself, makes my soul feel alive.
My passion is to create space, allowing others to feel seen, heard, and valid. A new endeavor I have coming up is launching my Happiness Coaching Sessions. Through life’s growing opportunities and my PTSD, I’ve discovered that the key to finding happiness in the everyday and getting into the drivers seat of your life, is cultivating the ability to manage your own emotions.
When we can manage our own emotions, I feel it is then that we can truly live our life.
The problem with stories is there isn’t just one to encompass our entire life. Our lives are made up of moment after moment, that turns into story after story. Im excited to share more of mine with you and I’m even more excited to hear some of yours.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Can I answer everything? Lol.
When I pause for a moment and take in my entire journey thus far; every single moment, each second in time, has made me who I am right now. If one of those things didn’t happen, I may not have became who I am right now.
While my whole journey and everything that happens in it is meaningful, some lessons have more brevity to them and you feel very deep.
The most valuable thing I have learned is that my journey is entirely individual. My journey and finding true happiness and contentment, is completely up to me. Not my circumstances. Not my family. Not my location. Not even the choices I’ve made in the past. My future journey is up to my present self to decide.
The next thing I feel and carry deeply, is letting go of the need to be liked by others. I’ll tell you a story…
We were building a campervan in rural Washington state, about an hour east of Spokane in a town called Cusik. Our friends, Jed and Sandy, put their Vanlives on hold to help us build it. As content creators, we film our lives and post it to show others they don’t have to live conventionally to be able to thrive and find happiness.
On this particular day, we were teaching our kids fractions by using the tape measure and hands on building. We made a video about this and it spread like wildfire. Before we knew it, we had 5 videos getting hundreds of millions of views on 4 social media platforms. The trolls came out in droves, commenting.
The previous summer we had found footage that helped the FBI bring someone’s remains home and we had made international news with that. What was happening now however, would throw me into a spiral of self discovery and shadow work.
Millions and millions of people were giving me their opinions. Some great. Some good. Some bad. And some…they were a new level of disgusting. We did get so many great words of praise and love. We got a lot of people who were upset. Some of the comments even saying I should be “put to death for the way I abuse my children”.
That type of criticism, in front of millions of people, had my sense of self crumbling. I didn’t even know who I was anymore or who even I wanted to be. On the same hand, Being thrusted into that firing squad, is one of the things I am most grateful for happening for me in life. It ripped away who I thought I was and created space for me to choose who I now wanted to be.
Another key I feel to unlocking part of yourself and who you’re meant to be is simple; Nature.
Living in a bus and traveling the country, we have been to some of the most incredible and breathtaking landscapes you could ever imagine. Zion. Yellowstone. The Tetons. Grand Canyon. The Rockies. Lake Superior. And so many more like them. The moments in nature that healed my soul, however, was deep in the woods or on Long Island at a lighthouse. It was the moments that I felt, were the ones that I created space for nature to touch my soul.
When you get out in nature, without any technology and sit in the silence; it teaches you to truly listen.
It was a late May Day in Newport Oregon and we’d just pulled into a state park for a weeks stay. It had been a super rainy and dreary day, which means Kyle has to be very diligent with paying attention driving the bus. I was following behind in our not yet built out campervan and my PTSD had me exhausted. We had gotten into an argument and I headed out for a walk in the Oregon misty and damp woods.
The trees were so green, I’d never seen this deep bright of a hue before. I’d kept walking, with my mind continuing to race. I was furious and frazzled. So discombobulated in fact, that I’d forgotten my phone back at the bus. I remembered about a mile in and I didn’t feel like going back; I was too far in and I trudged on.
I wasn’t even aware what this state park had until I ended up on a seaside cliff of tall swaying grass, overlooking the sea. “Whoa. This was breathtaking” I remember gasping out loud. I found a nice spot on the edge, overlooking the sandy beach below.
The sky was gray and hazy as I closed my eyes and laid backward onto the grass, breathing in the cool salty air.
I felt my heart rate slowly go down and the overwhelm cyclone in my mind went away. I began to ask myself questions about why I was mad at Kyle that lead me to asking deeper questions about who I was and who I wanted to be.
For 3 hours, I laid in that cozy tall grass asking questions, and actually receiving answers to the things I had been desperately wanting to know. On my walk back, I’d felt more refreshed and alive than I’d ever felt before.
Looking back, That day was the beginning of me using nature to heal my trauma. Now, I’ve incorporated that growing opportunity into my daily routine. I call it “Seeking Silence”.
I put my phone on “Do not Disturb” and I go out in nature for at least 15 minutes. It could be a walk, sitting under a tree, or even on a park bench. I sit in silence and focus on my breathing. I listen to the wind rustle the leaves. I hear the birds singing a melody to their neighbor. Laughter erupts as a mom pushes her daughter on the swing. When disrupting thoughts come into my mind, I shift my focus back to my breathing and focus on what I can see.
The squirrel is running down from the tree, gathering acorns to store in their secret spot. The ants are marching across the sidewalk with food to bring back to their colony. Grandpa is playing catch with his grandchildren, who’s hearts are full.
By taking this time daily, even for as short as 15 minutes, life slows down. The overwhelm has a chance to settle and you can catch your breath. Even finding clarity to help you make clear choices.
I hope you take what you need from my words. With each individual journey being unique, my hope is that they are able to take one thing from my life and use it to improve their own. I’m on my own journey and I know they are on theirs too. All each of us can do is share our heart and our passion and hope others find it useful in their lives too.
Who has been most helpful in helping you overcome challenges or build and develop the essential skills, qualities or knowledge you needed to be successful?
My partner and I are utter opposites. I mean as far from the spectrum as you can get, especially on our astrological charts. To be honest, I have no idea how I fell in love with him, I just did.
Kyle and I have been together for 18 years and in those years, we have lived a lot of life as a couple. Much of that was HARD life. Losing a child hard. PTSD hard. Depression hard. Anxiety Hard. Childhood trauma hard.
As much as there was hard, there was just as much beauty and good. Sometimes, the hard overshadows the good and memories stay dark.
In order to step into the light, I needed to be challenged and my partner has done exactly that.
Depression is a nasty, nasty thing that suffocates any ounce of joy, happiness, or contentment you have and replaces it with disgust, anger, fear, sadness, and loathing. Each time Kyle is in depression, his choices are all based on those emotions. He gets very mean and short. Angry and volatile. Lonely and afraid. He takes the family on a roller coaster ride every 4 weeks.
Kyles depression has challenged me in a way that has forcefully ripped me open and made me sew myself back together and I am immensely grateful for that.
I had always had this innate grit inside me that he had to do his part, I had to do my part (it was pent up childhood trauma as the true reason, again a story for another day) or else things didn’t really run smoothly.
During depression, Kyle can’t fully do his part and I was fully expecting him to. What I realized with my own PTSD and Kyle not caring for me, was that I needed to show him care in order for him to be able to visually see what caring for someone looks like. I had to swallow my ego and take the first step of giving Kyle care when he needed it.
The next time depression came in, I resolved myself to find my calm in the chaos and give pure love to Kyle when he needed it most. After some therapy sessions and a couple more month’s depressions; we made it to a good place in our couple.
I’m not gonna lie, it burned at first and I did it through a clenched jaw; the important part was we did it.
This is just one of a multitude in a catalog with stories like it, 18 years worth of growing opportunities to be a better version of myself than I was the day before. Kyle has challenged every single fiber of my being in one way or another.
For years, I wanted him to change to suit me, but I know now that was wrong. I’ve finally come to realize, through spending my life with Kyle, that it’s me who had to change. I had to change my mind on who I was and learn how harmful your pride and ego can be. I had to learn how to be autonomous and speak my needs clearly, not wish he would read my mind.
I had to be unafraid to tell him how I felt, knowing he could reject me. I had to tear down every heart wall in order to open myself up and get vulnerable with him, even when it hurt. I had to allow myself to be seen and through work together he saw me and I saw him.
Kyle was the catalyst to finding myself. He is the person that has impacted my life in the fullest and biggest way out of anyone I’ve ever known. Everything I’ve grown through, he has had a hand in me doing, in some way or another.
Without Kyle, I would’ve never discovered this version of myself. I love who I am and I wouldn’t be who I am right now without him. I can’t think of anyone else that has impacted my soul and life the way he has and I’m grateful for every moment.
Contact Info:
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