Meet Katie Greenleaf

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Katie Greenleaf a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Katie, thrilled to have you on the platform as I think our readers can really benefit from your insights and experiences. In particular, we’d love to hear about how you think about burnout, avoiding or overcoming burnout, etc.

As a licensed professional clinical counselor, I know the importance of taking care of myself so that I can help others. You know, the whole ‘put your own oxygen mask on first’ thing. But a lot of us know that it’s not simple. In 2020, I found myself knee deep in burnout. In my personal life, I had been managing some curve balls during the year leading up to the pandemic, including the sudden and tragic death of a close friend, which really knocked me off balance. COVID-19 emerged in 2020 and as the world was shutting down, it wasn’t long before I started to struggle professionally. The surge of energy from an emerging global mental health crisis that was taking shape came rushing in. I felt like my own world was closing in on itself, all at the same time.

When you work in the helping professions, it can feel like you’ve been training your whole life for some epic moment when someone really needs you, and you’re going to want to be prepared. For those of us working in mental health during the pandemic, we were adjusting right along with everyone else to weeks spent inside our homes, new fears and problems emerging every day. All the while, we were holding space for the fears and problems of our clients. As the world needed us more than ever, some of us just weren’t ready. I wasn’t.

I was used to working long hours at that point. My work with kids and families always fueled me, and it has never escaped me that I’m so fortunate to be doing work that I absolutely love. So it wasn’t difficult to show up to my office pre-pandemic with tons of energy for the day, ready to work 9 or 10 hour days. But all of a sudden—quite literally overnight—my days completely changed, and I was sitting with clients on Zoom for 10, 11, sometimes even 12 hours every day. Appointment after appointment, from early morning into the evening, only sneaking breaks to feed my kids and check in with them briefly. I started to feel like every day was harder than the one before it, until I finally found myself wondering before going to sleep if I would be able to get out of bed to do it all over again the next day. I was feeling pretty down and I missed my kids, even though they were right there in the house with me every day. I struggled to find any trace of fulfillment in what I was doing, but it was gone.

Telehealth or virtual therapy worked really well right out of the gate for some therapists. I was clearly not one of them. The camera felt like a brick wall separating me from my client on the other end, and I had a really hard time feeling so disconnected and distanced from the person on the other end. Being able to sit in a room together and respond to eye contact, body language, tone and natural movement had all been so critical to me feeling confident that I could show up for my clients in the ways they needed me to. Building a solid relationship and earning the trust of my clients was the basic foundation I needed to operate from, and it felt so difficult to tap into that at all over video. It was a new way of showing up and it was completely out of alignment with what I was used to and what I needed. I wasn’t sure if it was something that I could—or even wanted—to adjust to. I had already been working to regain my balance prior to the pandemic, and it wasn’t long before I realized my light had completely burnt out.

Burnout is no joke. I’ll paint you a picture of what it looked like for me. I know that giving to others and being of service is my life’s work and my soul’s purpose. I’ve always known that. But man, once you’re there, standing at burnout’s door, it can really grab you and hold you hostage. You want to run away, but you feel chained down. So then you figure maybe you could just lay down for a while to rest. But the problem becomes that no amount of rest feels like enough. So the thought of quitting sneaks into your mind—and you’ve never had that thought before, so it’s scary. When you manage to snap back to reality, you remember that you can’t quit because it’s just not an option. Everyone is counting on you and you need to support your family. And you know that’s not a bad thing because you want to give of yourself, take care of your family, and you love what you do. You just want to help. So you think, “Ok, I’ll just brace myself and hold on for dear life until the storm passes.” And really, even then, you’re not convinced it’ll pass because you can’t see the sun. Or any trace of light at all. So you finally go to sleep at the end of the day, and you wake up in the morning to do it all over again. Sounds dramatic. It’s seriously painful. If you’ve been there, or are there now, I see you and I am sending you so much love, light and understanding. There is hope.

For me, hope started to form when I made the decision that I could not continue in this cycle. I got really honest with myself and acknowledged that what I was trying to do was simply not possible. I accepted that I could not run on fumes and give from reserves that had been used up and not replenished, and to tell myself or anyone else otherwise was not the truth. It was difficult to accept a truth like that when it feels like your family’s survival depends on it. But I could not deny that things had to change. I knew that if I kept investing every ounce of my energy into simply enduring my feelings, I was essentially signing up to wake up one morning and find that I couldn’t do anymore. My goal was to rediscover the passion and purpose in my work, no matter what it took or what was going on around me that I could not control.

A lot of us need an 11th hour Hail Mary to muster the courage to make hard changes in our lives. Having our backs against the wall pushes us to do the hard thing we couldn’t bring ourselves to do on our own. I hear this from clients all the time. To change is hard, and ideally, we’d like to think we have the strength and courage to make changes when they’re necessary. It’s safer to say, “Easier said than done, I can’t do it” than it is to completely upend our lives in an effort to find a better way. One thing I know for sure is that something can seem so difficult that it feels impossible, but I can still try. Both things can be true at once.

I allowed everything to be on the table as options for me to find my way back from burnout, no matter how unrealistic, unreasonable, or risky. I was going to figuratively break my own heart if I needed to. I felt certain that the stakes were really high because I knew the way I felt about my work was not sustainable. Without a drastic change, I was signing off on walking away from my career, it would just be a matter of time.

First, I set out to create space to take some risks and make hard decisions. I wanted to take all responsibility for the outcome of whatever changes I decided on–the successes as well as failures. I decided I needed to begin to plan the move from working in a group practice to practicing solo. I’m not suggesting everyone should be able to take such drastic action to overcome burnout. I think burnout happens on a large spectrum, and it’s obviously not going to require huge, drastic changes for everyone. But I had the awareness to know that it was going to be necessary for me, so I started piecing together a plan to open my own practice. The plan started to spark some excitement, but it was truly an act of breaking my own heart at the same time. I hated making a decision that could easily seem selfish to people that were counting on me. But it was met with support and encouragement, and I’ll forever be grateful to my colleague and friend who gave me the opportunity to work in an amazing group practice.

In the meantime, I started paring down my own expectations of myself. There was a lot of talk at the time about how long people were having to sit on waiting lists in order to get into therapy. The tone around these discussions felt pressured, and my instinct was to keep taking on more clients, constantly promising myself ‘just one more.’ It felt like if I could help someone who was suffering, I should do it. It seemed straight forward But I realized that each time I took on ‘just one more,’ I felt worse. I accepted that I could help with the energy I had available to give, and I released myself from anything beyond that. That didn’t mean that I didn’t care. It just meant that I accepted that I couldn’t help as much as I wanted to, and I allowed myself to feel the way I needed to feel about it.

Another expectation I lifted from myself was around the way others needed me to be spending my time. My energy and time had proven themselves to be finite, and I had no bandwidth for any ‘extras.’ I could not sustain spending hours responding to emails or completing administrative tasks for clients during time when I needed to tend to my kids and sleep. I had always prided myself on being someone that could be counted on to respond and who was generous with my time, so it felt scary and uncomfortable to let myself off the hook during these moments when others were feeling they needed my time more than I did. It’s easy to feel entitled to a return phone call or an email exchange with a professional, but I’m sure you can imagine what happens when everyone feels entitled to that time.

I had to start charging for my time outside of sessions and putting up boundaries. I had to be honest with myself so that I could be honest with others, and the truth was that I could only offer what I had available to give which meant I could not continue working for free. Once I signed off of sessions for the day, the time and energy I had left needed to be for my kids. As is true for setting boundaries in general, I had to release the expectation that others understand or agree with my choices or decisions, and do what I knew would be a key to making it through this. I decided that clients who were a good fit for my practice were ones who understood that I’m human, just like everyone else.

This actually still serves me today and is an integral part of my mental health and overall well-being. I coach other business owners on this all the time—especially women, who can be particularly vulnerable to the pressure to be charitable and selfless. It’s important to be honest with yourself around your value and your performance. If you believe that what you have to offer your client is valuable, then you need to stand behind a business model that allows you to continue offering high value services. I have learned over time to be unapologetic around the fact that I run a business to support my family, and my time is as valuable as it is finite. It’s tempting to over-give because it seems like the kind thing to do. Our society values selflessness. I believe we need to value self-preservation, fulfillment and joy just as much. We can serve others at the highest level when we are healthy, happy, our families are taken care of, and we have our needs met.

As soon as I started to make more and more small shifts away from scarcity and overwhelm, I felt energy start to ‘free up’ so that I could start to invest into the excitement of building my own practice and offerings. I created boundaries around my time with my kids, and I made it a point to say “yes” more often to them. I felt a greater capacity to envision the future and the way I wanted to be serving others. I opened Anchored Unbound in November 2021. Now, in 2024 I feel aligned in the way I serve clients and tend to my own wellness. I’ve been able to reclaim my passion, clarify and redefine my purpose. In fact, I am more inspired and excited than ever as I prepare for the launch of some new and exciting projects. I believe in the work that I do and in the fidelity of the models I have created, so I try to give back to my community by making my offerings available in some way to those who aren’t able to work with me one-on-one. This is why I offer free talks and events in the community, as well as free and affordable trainings to schools and organizations. A long-standing goal of mine has been to develop a program of online learning so that I can extend my reach and make my executive function and behavior management models available and cost effective to anyone who needs them. I’ve been pouring my heart into this project for the past year and will be launching online courses for parents this year. I’m really excited about that.

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?

I’ll always be a therapist down to my core, no matter what role I’m serving. Growing up, I was always observing people and predicting how interactions and situations would play out. I felt like I could feel what others were probably feeling and it was easy for me to understand what motivated people. I think there’s probably some validity in the claim that people are generally born with an intuitive sense. But I also think some of us need that extra sense more than others to navigate the cards we are dealt. I look back and for a handful of reasons, I think I was someone who from an early age spent a lot of my life observing people living theirs. So naturally when I found out that you can actually make a job of helping people understand themselves and the world around them, I signed myself up.

Over the years as I’ve worked in several roles in mental health, it became apparent that behaviorally challenging kids are kind of my spirit animal. And even though I use the phrase ‘behaviorally challenging,’ it’s really a misnomer. My work is built on the foundation that behavior shows up as a symptom of a problem that needs to be solved, likely involving deficient skills in some way. I really identify and connect with kids who struggle and are misunderstood. I realized that in order to help them, I needed to understand at least minimally how the brain influences behavior. It turns out that what science tells us about what works (and what doesn’t) when it comes to kids and behavior intervention is out of alignment with traditional ‘wisdom’ and what we commonly think is true about kids. This is why my career has been dedicated to advocating for kids and supporting the adults who help them.

I’ve developed a blueprint to help parents understand the root and nature of behavior, and to learn an effective way to help in their role as parent. In addition, I’ve created a program for both parents and educators to help kids who struggle with executive functioning required to work to their full potential academically. The world needs to better understand the developing brain and how important of a role supporting executive functioning plays. I’m proud to have fought my way back from burnout to reclaim my passion, and I’m excited to be extending my reach with new online learning opportunities for parents and ecucators.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

Disclaimer: I am not claiming to be perfect with any of these. I am very much a work in progress.

Hands down, the number one area of knowledge that guides every area of my professional and personal life is knowing and understanding that no matter what someone looks like in their worst moments, I can count on the fact that they would do better if they could. The same goes for the way I treat myself. Intrinsic motivation in humans informs my life’s work. Once you understand that someone’s behavior toward you is actually not about you, a whole world of possibilities opens up in terms of how to nurture your relationships, how to help others, and how to stay true to your own values in the face of adversity.

Another is having confidence in myself to find creative solutions to my problems, even if it’s hard or different from what others around me are doing. I’ve never been comfortable spending too much time ruminating on my problems, and you’ll never hear me say, “That’s too hard, I can’t do it.” Don’t get me wrong–I’m a therapist. I believe in the power of talking things through and seeking support. So I allow myself to pause and acknowledge my feelings about whatever I’m up against, and then I gather the strength to do the next right thing. Once I make the decision to start moving, I don’t stop searching until I figure out some kind of solution. Always remember that things can feel impossible and uncomfortable, but you can still try.

Lastly, I think it’s important to never feel entitled to tomorrow. I tell my kids that I love them every chance I get. I tell people how I feel about them and what I appreciate about them, even when it feels vulnerable. I say ‘yes’ when I can, I do silly things that make me happy, and I don’t put off enjoying myself when it’s not necessary. I write letters to my kids and tuck them away so that if someday I’m not around to tell them what I love about them, they will still know. I try to have courage to take risks and avoid putting things off until tomorrow whenever I can.

Before we go, any advice you can share with people who are feeling overwhelmed?

I allow it and I normalize it. I don’t judge it, and I do not get frustrated or angry with myself. When I get to that point, I always say that I need to start shutting down my engines and just coast for a little while. I know the importance of tending to a dysregulated nervous system, so I take a walk, I retreat, and I look for little moments of fun. Because I get really overstimulated by sound, I know that I need to quickly create some quiet space and release myself from unnecessary pressure. I say, “No” to things that I know will drain my figurative cup and I conserve my energy for things that will fill it wherever possible. Sometimes I need to change a ‘yes’ to a ‘no.’ I am apologetic when I need to change my mind. As a divorced mom, I don’t always have someone who can run interference, so there are times when I have to reschedule clients or bail on friends. I do feel guilt when that happens, but I make sure the feelings about it end there. I don’t wallow in the guilt and I don’t rely on the person I’ve inconvenienced to tell me they aren’t angry or that “it’s ok.” I give myself permission to put myself first, and I make amends where I can. I know life can pull me under quickly, so I do not allow myself to get even remotely close to that point. My clients understand that I’m human, and I’m careful to refer clients who have needs beyond what I can provide to other clinicians who are better suited for them. Socially, my inner circle is small and includes friends who understand and allow for my self-care. They know they will always get the same from me.

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