We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Amy Kessler a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Amy , so good to have you with us today. We’ve always been impressed with folks who have a very clear sense of purpose and so maybe we can jump right in and talk about how you found your purpose?
I found my purpose the hard way; through a fabulous career meltdown and the experience of being betrayed by my own mind and body. I had worked and trained in a field I loved, gave countless hours, energy and enthusiasm to for more than 15 years, and was on the verge of taking the next big step to the role of video editor, when my body collapsed. I blamed myself; I wasn’t smart enough, fast enough, hardworking enough or strong enough.
Eventually, I was diagnosed with a complex illness, but for almost a decade, I lived with a constant feeling of shame, exhaustion and loneliness. My breath shortened. My body shrank and tightened into fossilized masses in my throat, heart and gut. I hated talking to people and was tired of pretending to be okay.
I had to reckon with a deeply humbling conflict; who I wanted to be and what I wanted to create in the world with a body that had no ability to satisfy those desires. I lived my life comparing myself to everyone I knew. I had a disability which prevented me from working full time and could no longer push through to some fantasy version of success.
My whole life, my work and relationships, the meaning of free time and creativity, my finances and plans, my identity, all of it had to change. At some point, I had to let go, feel the grief and accept myself and where I’d landed.
However, the feelings of failure and betrayal were too big to hold, at first. Slowly, I practiced sitting with the behemoths along with the inevitable judgment, which compounds the feeling itself and pushes it into much darker territory. I did that over and over again; sitting with the feeling. Then, something released in me.
As I got more curious about my body’s sensations, emotions and thoughts as a whole, I began to listen in a new way. I let go of who I thought I was supposed to be and focused on what was present for me. As I worked with my own coach and started researching somatics (the mind-body connection), new possibilities and purpose came to light.
Over time and given space, my shame turned into humility in the presence of compassion. I felt a spacious relief inside my body. I still had emotional pain but it wasn’t all of me, all of the time. A bittersweet empathy for myself surfaced and just like that; the masses in my throat, heart and gut softened. With wonder, I watched that empathy reach out to other living things.
In practicing slowing down and listening to my whole self, I started to heal.
This experience, moving from pain to acceptance, led me to my purpose and to understanding what I truly care about: connection, empathy and justice.
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
As I began to heal, the big questions came: What am I experiencing and why is it valuable? Could I use my experience for something more?
I could no long work in the film industry but still wanted to work with creative people. I set up a practice as a certified life coach, supporting people, mostly creatives, with professional development.
After five years of coaching, I noticed a common pattern that matched my own experience. Universally, my clients came to me with three major challenges;
They needed to figure out what’s not working in their lives and make a decision about what to do next.
They were plagued by challenging feeling states like panic, burnout, uncertainty and the fear that rushes in when our identities are under fire.
They all struggled with some version of, ‘I’m not enough.’
Although, I was helpful to my clients in some ways, I knew something was missing, like I was only scratching the surface of what might be achieved in a traditional coaching session.
Through somatic coaching, I now understand my body’s ‘symptoms’ as signals and impulses that need to be acknowledged. When I experience a shortening of breath or a constriction in my gut or I’m stuck in my head and can’t escape, that’s my body trying to tell me something important about what I need.
Now that my physical sensations are full of wisdom and meaning, like a somatic detective, I investigate and experiment with expression, movement, sound, image and metaphor, and I share these techniques with my clients.
I now have a sense of trust within my body and feel more connected to myself. I can move towards my goals with sustainable capacity and vigor. It’s easier to set boundaries with people. I am increasingly free of those sticky, old thought patterns. I am expanding out towards the person I am becoming; a somatic coach, a friend with boundaries, a micro-activist, an abstract artist (maybe!), a person who feels she is good enough and who’s always learning.
In my practice, I make space for someone to be with their own internal experience of uncertainty, and invite them to sense deeper, explore with open curiosity and express the parts that may need acknowledgment and understanding. I trust my clients have the answers. I share with them the self-supporting tools to move from feeling trapped to feeling liberated and alive. Seeing them reconnect with themselves and witnessing the self-appreciation that unfolds as they move forward with more embodied agency is, well, kind of a rush.
Today, what I find most interesting is thinking about how this all might work in the big picture. Seeing through the lens of disability justice, and with a new sense of embodied dignity and empathy, what might we achieve collectively? Is there a connection between our embodiment and the struggles to liberate ourselves and our planet from oppressive and violent systems?
I think there is.
I still love working with creatives but I’m always open to working with those from a variety of backgrounds, genders and experiences. As I move away from strict career coaching towards somatic coaching, I’d like to work with people who want to:
Reconnect with their bodies, learn about the mind body connection and build self-awareness and compassion.
Work on goal setting in an embodied way.
Develop self-care practices that work, so they can heal from burnout and feel more at ease in life and work.
Have a safe place to connect with their emotions, so they can heal from old wounds.
Learn how to relax, play, experiment and have more freedom in their lives.
Develop their authentic voice and creativity through combined somatic techniques and cognitive exercises.
Overcome their own resistance to change and move past blocks like procrastination and perfectionism.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
1/The ongoing practice of honoring my unique struggle and asking for help, instead of becoming embittered by pain.
2/Relating to my inner critic in a new way, as I explore my deeper needs and longings.
3/Reconnecting to the child inside who yearns to be naked and upside down, and embracing the freedom that we are born into and can rediscover at anytime.
If you are just beginning you might start by slowing down, getting quiet and curious about what’s happening inside your body. If you don’t notice anything or you come up with a vague something or nothing/empty feeling, great, start with that. Even a ‘nothingness’ is still a something!
Join a workshop, read books/blogs or work with a coach, therapist, or bodyworker who is somatically trained and trauma-informed. I love the folks at https://www.theembodylab.com/ and https://theresiliencetoolkit.co/, and you can reach out to me at https://www.amykesslercoaching.com/.
How can folks who want to work with you connect?
I would love to collaborate with a close knit group of like-minded therapists, coaches, healers and creatives. Due to my health issues, I often feel isolated working over zoom in my apartment. I crave more movement. Collaboration feels exciting and challenging, especially if there are others out there who care about creativity and flow, supporting the creative industries here in LA, as well as, trauma healing work and disability/human rights issues.
I’d love to connect with a group where I can feel part of a community, have some support finding ideal clients and perhaps create group coaching courses, together. If you’re out there, you can reach me through my website: https://www.amykesslercoaching.com/contact.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.amykesslercoaching.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coachingcreativepros/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amy-kessler-0500b2b/
Image Credits
Photography by the sublime, Melanie Reisert:
https://www.instagram.com/melaniereisert/
so if you or someone you know deserves recognition please let us know here.
