Meet Cheryl Medeiros

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Cheryl Medeiros a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Cheryl , thanks so much for taking the time to share your insights and lessons with us today. We’re particularly interested in hearing about how you became such a resilient person. Where do you get your resilience from?

When I was interviewing for my first career J-O-B, I remember being asked this question and not really understanding. By all accounts, I grew up pretty fortunate. We were middle class, white, my mom stayed home with us until we were in middle school, and my parents did a pretty great job sheltering us from the hard things in the world.

BUT, if we dig a little deeper, you would see some of the hardships. My father, while a good man, has struggled with addiction my entire life. When I try to identify what it is he is addicted to, what I’ve come up with is: an escape. He’s addicted to escaping reality, feelings, life. I’m sure that is true of most addicts at the core. There are memories that I’ve tried to escape my whole life of the scary times he drank too much when I was young and I just wanted to disappear and make the scary stop. There are the scary times he drank too much when I was an adolescent when I felt responsible for shielding my little sister from the experience. There are the times he was barely conscious in his chair because he took too many of the pills that the doctors so freely prescribed him. There are the times the sheriff was there because he called in saying he was considering hurting himself. Or the times he decided he could quit on his own and then he’d have seizures and we’d have to call the ambulance. And so on…

It’s when I do this deeper reflection that I realize I have overcome adversity and developed resilience beginning at a very young age.

I’ve gone on to have a really incredible life, despite the recurring trauma I experienced (and honestly continue to experience from time to time as an adult). So what did I do to foster the resilience? First of all, I decided I was going to have an amazing life and I set out to do it. I put one foot in front of the other and did the next thing on the list to get to where I want to be. I put distance between me and the adversity whenever possible, which meant moving 300+ miles away from my family just to have the space I needed to find myself and escape. When I found that I needed more help to overcome the trauma responses to get to where I wanted in life, I got outside help. I started therapy when I truly could not afford it. You know how you hear business owners say they don’t take a paycheck for years because they keep reinvesting in their business? I did that with myself. I made sacrifices over and over to invest in myself. I looked myself in the mirror and owned up to the hard truths of my behavior, my issues, my faults – and I got help! I put myself in social circles where others are also invested in investing in themselves (the conversations are different here!). Most recently, I have tried EMDR therapy. And all the while, I kept working through the big dreams to-do list and putting one foot in front of the other. The path has changed and shifted as more life has come, but I continue to pivot and reset the course, always with the destination of an amazing life.

When I was 27, I was diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Disease, which led to my then-boyfriend-now-husband and me having to make the excruciating decision to terminate the pregnancy of our first child, while not knowing if my body would ever be well enough to try again. I underwent harsh treatment that had me questioning if life was worth living. I allowed myself time to be uncomfortable and barely hang on (well, “allow” might not be accurate – I didn’t have much choice physically or mentally for a while), but once the fog cleared and I was able to think straight, I recommitted to giving myself an incredible life. I remember one of my doctors telling me that most people don’t get better from where I was. Well, I decided a long time ago I wasn’t most people. I wanted kids; come hell or high water, we would find a way to have those. I wanted to feel well and enjoy life again, so come hell or high water, I would find a way to do that. So what did I do? Made the new to-do list and set off again putting one foot in front of the other to get through the list.

Though they will look different for each of us, adversity and hardships are around every corner. My advice: feel what you need to feel, then make the list of what you need to do to get where you’d rather be, and each day put one foot in front of the other in that direction. When you can’t do it alone, ask for help! Be open-minded about what that path may look like. Most of all, don’t quit on yourself because you are worth it.

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?

Most people around me would ask the more accurate question: What don’t you do, Cheryl?!

I feel fulfilled when I am helping people achieve big dreams and goals! One of the ways I do that is as a Real Estate Agent in San Luis Obispo County, CA with Compass. Real estate is a hyperlocal business because it’s important to really understand the area to help clients make the best choices for themselves. The relationships we have with our local vendors and other agents can make or break a deal for our clients. In addition to serving San Luis Obispo County, I am connected with a network of incredible agents nationwide, allowing me to help people find a great agent wherever they are moving to or from. I love connecting people, and this is just one more way I do that.

I am also a podcast host and success coach. My podcast, “We’re Doing This Right. Right?” which I co-host with Colleen Hungerford from Carmel, IN, is targeted at women with a desire for personal and professional growth. We tackle everything from pelvic floor issues to setting and achieving your biggest personal & professional goals, to parenting, marriage, friendships, imposter syndrome, overcoming hustle culture, and beyond! This endeavor has opened doors into the coaching world, national speaking engagements, and I believe I have a book to write at some point.

I recently launched a female-focused leadership and entrepreneur group called the InspireHER Collective, which is launching chapters all over the USA. It has been an incredible space for women to get together to collaborate, teach, learn, and network with like-minded individuals in their areas with a National Network attached.

Above all, my most important and hardest job is being a mom to three daughters and a wife to their dad! I feel compelled to make the world a place I will be proud for my daughters to grow up in, and I work tirelessly every day to be a part of the change I’d like to see in the world.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

I believe that my ability to reframe is one of my best qualities. This is a learned skill and a key part of my resilience. Taking the time to stand back, regroup, remove emotions, and adjust my thoughts on a given situation is a huge superpower! It’s the difference between reacting and responding to life. A reaction is often knee-jerk and centered around an emotional response. A response is a carefully thought-out, calculated action. I believe that when we can take a pause to remove emotions and consider just the facts, we will have better outcomes.

Another strength I have is the willingness to just start. I am not someone who is paralyzed by perfection. I truly believe done is better than perfect.

My communication skills have also served me well in my career. I have the ability to break down high-level concepts in a way that most anyone can understand. This builds tremendous trust with my clients. I also believe that “clear is kind,” and I strive to be clear at every opportunity. Even when being clear isn’t what my clients want to hear, they will get the clear, honest truth from me.

If I were coaching someone early in their career or journey, I would absolutely encourage them to practice these skills: reframing, just starting, and clear communication. Practice makes you better, not perfect. And perfection is not the goal! Practice these three skills at every opportunity, not just in your work. But Cheryl, where can I practice? I’m glad you asked:
Pissed off at your mother-in-law? Reframe your thoughts around it. Remove the emotions and focus on the facts, then respond to the passive aggressive text.
Need to plan a vacation but feeling overwhelmed? Just start! Do the first little thing and use that momentum to carry you through to the end.
Need to have a difficult conversation with your neighbor about their trash can? Approach it head-on and practice being clear.
There are chances to practice all three of these every single day!

Awesome, really appreciate you opening up with us today and before we close maybe you can share a book recommendation with us. Has there been a book that’s been impactful in your growth and development?

Full disclosure, I have NEVER finished an entire self development book. I get my nugget and I cut and run! That being said, I have started and read half way through about a zillion.

The book (or portion I read) that has made the biggest impact on me, is The Gap and The Gain by Dan Sullivan, and Benjamin P. Hardy. The premise is: imagine you are hiking a big mountain and you just keep looking ahead to see how far you have left to go. Doesn’t that feel exhausting and overwhelming? Now, turn around and look at how far you’ve come on the hike! Don’t you feel accomplished and empowered?

If we spend all our time looking at where we want to go and never stopping to look at how far we’ve come, we will always be overwhelmed, disappointed, and may even want to quit. Turn around and enjoy those feelings of accomplishment and empowerment from time to time, because those feelings will carry you to the finish!!

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Image Credits

Emily Blinkhorn Photography

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