Meet Ulla Gaudin

We recently connected with Ulla Gaudin and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Ulla, really happy you were able to join us today and we’re looking forward to sharing your story and insights with our readers. Let’s start with the heart of it all – purpose. How did you find your purpose?

I wish I could say this was an easy journey. I wish I could say I was born knowing my purpose, and my life has been nothing but rainbows and bunny rabbits.

To fully understand my story, we must go back to my childhood in the small town of Hanko in Finland. As long as I can remember, I was criticized about my body. This started my self-depreciation and doubt that I would ever be good enough to be loved by a man, much less to be enough for anything else. I was simply the wrong shape and size to be considered for such a life. I truly believed that I wasn’t worthy of love.

When I was 16, I met my first boyfriend. He was nothing like the man I had dreamed about. He was quiet and stoic, had no interests in life, and drank way too much. But he was the only one who didn’t push me away.

This relationship turned into a 9-year nightmare. Not only did my boyfriend drink too much, he got very violent when he was drunk. My reality became one I had never imagined, and I would never wish on anyone. I was physically abused weekly, some weeks daily.

I was very young, and I thought this was love. I thought the problem had to be with me. He never hit anyone else. In fact, he was often the one to diffuse situations in bars.

As a result of all the stress and violence in my life, I developed stomach cancer at the age of 21. I was given two years to live. At the time, I could not understand how a healthy 21-year-old could possibly get stomach cancer. I had done everything right. I exercised, ate healthy, and barely drank because my boyfriend needed a designated driver for his lush life.

One cold winter night, my boyfriend came home from a night of heavy drinking, and I woke up to him sitting on my legs, punching my stomach with both of his fists. This was a habit of his. Punching someone in the stomach doesn’t leave marks. On previous occasions, it was always easy for him to be apologetic and say that what he did wasn’t so bad: “Look at yourself! There’s not a single mark on your body. I was so drunk I could barely walk. How could I possibly hurt you badly? You’re throwing this way out of portions. Besides, you know I don’t mean it.” I had learned to believe this was the truth.

I also learned to “take it like a champ,” aka blame it on myself, and just wait for it to be over. But that particular night, things felt different. There was a darkness in his eyes I had not seen before. It felt evil. The last thing I remember is him strangling me and sticking his teeth to my left eyebrow as hard as he could.

I have no idea how we got to the ER, but when I regained consciousness, I was standing by the back wall of the room, observing doctors and nurses feverishly working on someone. When I realized that someone was my lifeless body, I felt a rush of panic. But as fast as that panic set in, it was lifted off me. I was emotionally pulled back from the scene. I felt indescribable peace and love. I knew everything was ok. I was ok.

As I continued to watch the scene, I could hear everyone in the room and the other rooms. I could see everything going on in the hospital and even outside. I had the perfect 360-degree view of my surroundings. I felt more alive than I had in a long time. Everything was very much alive. I could feel how alive the trees were outside, even in the middle of Finnish winter when they were supposed to be frozen.

As I observed things happening in the hospital, my grandparents approached me from behind. I have never felt such joy and love. I was so excited to see them, to hug them again! It is impossible to describe the elation I felt. They reassured me that I was ok and that I could choose to either come with them or go back to my body. The body looked so small. I didn’t see how I ever fit in it. My current stage seemed so large and expansive that there was no way I could possibly fit back into that tiny body.
As we continued to observe and chat with my grandparents, I could feel many others around me welcoming me and telling me how life is truly what we make it. I was showered with love and wisdom beyond what is possible in our human form. I finally understood that cancer in my stomach was caused by all the fear, anxiety, and stress I had tried to bury deep down while protecting my boyfriend from the possible embarrassment of being labeled a woman beater. I also understood that if I decided to come back, the illness would be gone.

I could see how we are all actors in this beautiful play called Life. How every little thing fits perfectly in the intricately woven tapestry of the universe. There is no right or wrong, good or bad. There are only individual choices we make based on our understanding and the level of love we allow. You know how many wonder what the purpose of life is? I finally understood it. The purpose of life is joy. We are here to experience as much joy as we can, to expand the universe with our unique choices and views, and to play on this playground called Earth.

I was approaching 20 minutes of being clinically dead, and my grandparents told me I needed to make my decision. I knew I wanted to come back. I hadn’t lived yet. I had so much to accomplish. So much to see, do, and most importantly, FEEL. I felt sad to leave my grandparents and other wonderful people who joined me, but I knew they would always be with me, and I could call for their help anytime I needed.

When I opened my eyes back in my body, I knew my cancer was gone. I knew my life would be completely different. I had a purpose now. I wanted to get off the hospital bed and run home that second.

Of course, the doctors told me that I needed to stay in the hospital, all the correct protocol was to be followed, and even if my heart stopping for 20 minutes didn’t kill me, the cancer was still a huge concern. They said it might be months before I go home. I knew better, though. Needless to say, the doctors were completely flabbergasted when they couldn’t find any cancerous cells in my tests after 24 hrs. I got to go home about a week later.

The first year after my near-death experience wasn’t very easy. I had moments of pure joy and elation, just like I felt on the “other side”, but they went by quickly because I still felt like my body was too small to hold on to such huge emotions. In fact, everything I felt was a giant ball of emotion. I hadn’t relearned yet to control my energetic being here on earth, and I felt every feeling around me too. My neighbor balling her eyes out because her boyfriend left her? Yep, felt it. The local grocer being mad at his busboy for dropping gallons of milk on the floor? Oh yeah, the anger surged through me like nobody’s business. The grass stretching in joy towards the sun? Felt it to my core. There were several days when I felt crazy, wanted to leave again, and wondered why I made such a stupid choice to come back.

As I slowly gained control of my energy field again and protected myself from those around me, I quickly realized what a fun and wonderful playground this place is. I have full control of how I show up, what I feel, and what I want my future to look like!

I moved to the United States and went on to have a fantastic career as a makeup artist in the film industry: I am Oscar and Emmy nominated. I have two wonderful sons who are absolutely magical creatures. They are very different but equally amazing. They bring so much joy not only to me but also to everyone who comes in contact with them. Now, 30 years later, I still revel in this wonderful opportunity to be on this planet right now. I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I do know that how I show up affects the entire world around me. I have chosen to be a channel through which good flows for everyone. That is my purpose.

Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?

I still work in the film industry, but not to the scale I used to. Today, I’m more focused on helping anyone feeling expired, worn out, or fed up with their life to learn that it can change. You can get inspired to let go of the restrictions you put on yourself that keep you stuck & believing you’re not ok. I work with people one-on-one. You can hire me to speak at your event, and I also have an online community, Expired to Inspired. To top it off, I am currently writing my memoir “Expired.”

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

Love of life.

Any advice for folks feeling overwhelmed?

My go-to is always meditation. Many people still think meditation involves sitting cross-legged on top of a mountain in the Himalayas for hours at a time. But meditation can be two slow breaths in and out. That can be enough. There are tons of different meditations available, including one free one on my website. You can try out different ones and decide what works best for you.

I personally like to meditate every morning before I go about my day. This keeps me centered throughout the day, and I hardly ever get overwhelmed.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://ullagaudin.com
• Other: ullagaudin.substack.com

  https://www.ullagaudin.com/store/p/deep-meditation (free meditation)

Image Credits

Ulla Gaudin