Meet Alex Marie

Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Alex Marie. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.

Hi Alex, we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?

I was partially raised by my mother who struggled with self-sabotage throughout her life. Her bipolar disorder, substance abuse, and negative mindset created a unique and often difficult environment to understand as a child. Observing her behavior and comparing it to how others responded to similar situations, I noticed stark differences. My hyper-vigilance as a child made me realize that something was not right and that her behaviors weren’t exactly “normal”. Since my mom is bipolar, on her upper days, she was the most loving, confident playful version of herself. I enjoyed this side of her because this side of her showed me love, attention, and gave me a sense of normalcy in a household. On her days of deep depression, when she slept for what felt like weeks, my mother neglected her own needs, my needs, and her relationships deteriorated. Watching her relationships was like riding a rollercoaster—one moment, she and her boyfriend seemed happy, and the next, she was crying in her room, pushing me away when I tried to comfort her. Even as a little kid, she would tell me to go away, making me immediately feel like it was my fault. I felt rejected whenever I tried to show her affection. I talk about how my relationship was with my mom because it was in fact the first relationship I have experienced on this earth. A parent figure is supposed to teach you things and guide you throughout your life but my mom didn’t. Kids are sponges, and whatever you are watering them with, they will internalize and pick up survival instincts to get their needs met if need be. What I learned from my mother was the complete opposite of confidence and maintaining a good self esteem. I learned how to people please, be a good girl who followed the rules with no questions asked, co-dependency, and a very much anxious attatchment style.

How did I develop my confidence and self-esteem? I had to peel back the layers and closely examine certain behaviors and triggers that surfaced throughout my life. I asked myself the hard questions, always coming back to “why.” Why am I like this? Where is this unhelpful behavior coming from? I also had to scrutinize the stories I told myself, which were extremely limiting—something I only realized once I started connecting the dots and paying attention.

I had to teach myself everything I know now about becoming the highest version of myself and understanding what that truly looks and feels like. It has been far from easy. I had to learn about triggers and nervous system regulation to tap into my highest self. I had to hold space and show compassion towards the version of me that felt small and not good enough to get to where I am today.

From an outsider’s perspective, people might think I have all the confidence in the world due to my accomplishments and the way I carry myself in public. What they don’t see or understand is the version of me that came out behind closed doors—a very worried, sad girl who never felt confident.

Taking the time to look in the mirror and confront all my hidden shadows beneath the layers has brought me the confidence and self-esteem I’ve always longed for. There comes a point when you stop blaming others for your problems and start taking responsibility for your actions, figuring things out for yourself.

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?

Growing up, I was conditioned to believe in the American dream and that there were specific steps to achieve it. I was taught to get good grades, work hard, prove myself, and climb an invisible ladder to secure the dream job and live a fulfilling life. So, I followed the prescribed path: I graduated college with a Bachelor’s Degree in Interior Design and worked my way up the ladder to get noticed by a company. After a few years of learning and hard work, I found myself in a brand-new office, at a brand-new desk, staring at a plaque that read: Alex Mendenhall, Interior Designer.

Although I was excited to see my title on a nameplate, my gut feelings about the actual job didn’t match. I kept wondering why I was spending 40+ hours a week in a cubicle, asking for time off despite only getting two weeks a year, and not getting home until 8:30-9 pm due to traffic. It felt robotic and impractical. I was afraid to speak up because I had been taught that this was the dream everyone worked for, but my instincts told me otherwise. This wasn’t it.

It took me a long time to build up the confidence to go against societal norms and take a leap of faith to pursue my own path. It hasn’t been easy, especially since I’ve always followed the rules and stuck to a structured plan. Even now, I still struggle with it, but I strive to be 1% better every day, getting closer to what I truly want to be doing.

I decided to step away from interior design and transition into UX/UI design, focusing on user experience. I remember the day I met with my mentor, and he asked me, “What are you passionate about?” My mind instantly went to mental health and self-improvement. I told him I wanted to be in a space where I could help people improve themselves and see the bigger picture. I wanted to help individuals unlearn old patterns and behaviors that no longer serve them and create new, beneficial ones.

By the end of my time with my mentor, I had not only pushed myself outside of my comfort zone but also developed a mental health app that I’m incredibly proud of. The app has two main components: one for self-paced emotional intelligence and self-help, and another for finding a therapist in your area. I understand that not all cultures believe in seeking external help from a stranger (like a therapist), so I wanted to create something for everyone. For those, like me, who are curious and eager to address and change their generational trauma, the app offers various resources to accommodate different comfort levels.

Creating this app sparked even more within me. I decided to create an entire shadow work mentorship program for women and their mental health. I am extremely passionate about this because I know what it’s like to live with limiting beliefs, generational trauma, a mother wound, and low self-esteem. I also know for a fact that it is possible to change your life by changing your mindset. I believe growth is a beautiful thing, and I want to create spaces for women to flourish and thrive.

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

The art of Curiosity:
Remaining curious will help you grow in numourous ways. It will help build relationships, personal growth, adaptability, spark creativity, and will allow you to keep moving forward.

Being coachable:
Your openness to learn will take you places.

Being able to understand duality:
duality enhances your emotional intelligence by helping you understand the complexity of human emotions and behaviors. This understanding allows for greater empathy and compassion in your interactions with others.

Before we go, any advice you can share with people who are feeling overwhelmed?

When I feel overwhelmed, I tend to withdraw from social interactions and take time to relax with my thoughts, allowing myself to tap into my body in a meditative state. The best advice I have for people who experience anxiousness is understanding the importance of nervous system regulation. No one is going to calm you down and bring you peace the way you can for yourself.

Contact Info:

• Instagram: @itsalexmariee_

Image Credits

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