Meet Valerie Lane

We recently connected with Valerie Lane and have shared our conversation below.

Valerie, we’re thrilled to have you sharing your thoughts and lessons with our community. So, for folks who are at a stage in their life or career where they are trying to be more resilient, can you share where you get your resilience from?

Story-work…I am naturally equipped with a desire to examine myself, my human conditions, my spirituality and connection to something larger. I seek joy and happiness and it is through that lens that I make all work and life decisions…well, I try at least. When I feel stress or overwhelm, I work to remind myself that if I’m having fun, work doesn’t have to feel so bad. Self-examination requires a willingness to face hard truths and make effort to improve. That requires a sense of humor. Hearing criticism, whether it come from within or from outside, there is a moment of denial or pain that needs to be felt and recognized but then we must swiftly move past that emotion in order to find the value that can come from doing hard things. I like to think I am unique in my thinking. I am trying to disrupt my industry just a bit – I disagree with the norms in my industry and I seek ways of improving the difficulties. I work to create efficiency and ease for people and that has required confidence in my knowledge, in my past experience, and in the decisions I make each day. Confidence is different than hubris, it is not unfounded, it is not from the ego. True confidence is baked in honor of my past and all experiences leading to this moment. Giving thanks to all the long stressful nights, to the frustrating days, and mostly to my past self for getting through it so that I can now enjoy the freedom of creating a healthy balance in my life today. Resilience is trust that I am headed in the right direction, that I have a bigger purpose that is not always perfectly clear to me, and that I am doing the right thing.

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?

I am an Architect in Tucson, AZ. I teach part time in the School of Architecture at the University of Arizona; I have a real estate license and have owned a small architecture firm since 2009. I help people understand architecture, good design, and have assisted numerous homeowners navigate the complexities of remodeling or adding space to their homes. Last year, I quit the custom design game and started a new company called the Urban Infill Project where I sell pre-permitted construction plans for small homes.
This endeavor, to me, is my way of disrupting the way I was trained to engage in the service of Architecture. In small-scale residential design and construction, the role of the architect is vague. Good design is unattainable for the majority of middle- to low-income people. The Urban Infill Project mission is embedded in a desire to empower people around construction. We endeavor to deliver good design with opportunities for homeowners to customize aesthetic features as they see fit.
To empower community around construction, we go beyond paving the way for homeowners through offering pre-permitted buildings; we also empower young builders by offering a product they can sell to their clients. They can build it over and over again, becoming better, faster, and more predictable with each build. We give young drafters and budding architects the opportunity to gain experience working with the city and zoning codes by connecting them to homeowners that need site review. We empower local businesses by asking them to put bid packages together so that builders have an easy time finding construction estimations through industry partners. We have worked hard to develop relationships with our County and City government offices, so they are empowered to do timely reviews and issue zoning approvals for our projects as quickly as possible.
What is the most exciting part of all this is that we have created a clear path toward completing a complex job…we are putting the power in the hands of the people to build housing units in a way that works for them and their neighbors. The need for housing is clear, all one must do is look to the streets of any major city. Each individual home that is built is tied to an initial dream or aspiration to make something…to create a container for a happy life. We help make those ideas real by empowering people to create supportive micro-communities that align to their specific desires. More individual dreams coming true leads to more vibrant communities leads to a thriving society.
We are working hard here in the Southwest to share our vision and our process with our neighboring cities and counties. We have our own aspirations of sharing our good work with anyone who will listen! Our initial goal is to build 1,000 houses…we can’t do it alone and we know it. In just one year, we’ve sold 17 plans, and we hope to expand to a point where we exceed our goal and blow our own minds. Community thrives when each member is thriving, and a community driven by individual hopes and dreams is a powerful force!

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

It’s common to hear people say “find your purpose”…or “manifest your dreams”. These ideas on the surface are actually very passive; they can imply that something outside of you can make decisions for you, or that there is something larger than you that will just tell you what to do if you listen hard enough. This can be frustrating. If you meditate all day everyday, you will become very good at meditating but you will likely not wake up to be a wealthy lawyer or be living on a beach in Bali. Quite often, our life circumstances seem to dictate what decision needs to be made. Whether you are devoted to chasing purpose, or succumbing to conditions outside of your control – you are being distracted. Distractions are everywhere and come in many forms. Eventually these distractions become your life story. The story you tell yourself. Over and over and over. And so we become that story.
It is essential to develop the skill of dreaming while also working smartly. Working harder doesn’t lead to more outcome. Working longer hours almost never yields more content, or more value. Working to your strengths does. So, what are your strengths?? Understand your abilities, your shortcomings, and what inspires you. What makes you happy? What makes you miserable? Pay attention to yourself, observe the ebbs and flows of your mood throughout the day and throughout the month. Study yourself carefully. Emotions are tools to help us navigate life. Do not ignore them.
Dive into your human design, your astrology, your religion or spiritual nature. Write in a journal. Self-evaluate. Evolve. Listen to the inner voice. Develop your intuition through prayer or meditation. Get a coach, go to a therapist, draw a picture, set goals. Ask “why?” Ask “why” again. And again. Develop curiosity in yourself and in things around you. Seek answers to questions that come up. Learn. Adapt. Learn more. Turn off the screens for a while and tune into the here and now, be present in each and every moment. Work to understand what it means to be present.
There is so much content in the world to help us understand ourselves. There is no right or wrong in this process. The only tragedy is to not engage in any way with your mind. To fear your emotions and refuse to talk about them because it’s hard. Yes, it is hard. Do it anyway.
Draw a picture of yourself in 10 years from now. Do that again in 6 months. Keep your eye on where you’re headed, but not too much. Just enough to help you understand what you’re working for. Remind yourself to come back to the here and now and let Joy be your guide. If you aren’t having fun, you should stop doing it. And you can.
Mostly, people are afraid of things. Afraid of hard work, of disappointing people, of being late, doing things wrong. The list goes on. Basically, we must face our fears on a daily basis or we won’t be equipped for the big stuff. So…just do the hard or uncomfortable thing, do it quickly so you can continue having fun and chasing joy.

What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? Any advice or strategies?

I’ve come to understand Overwhelm as something big. It can cause us to freeze. We lose the ability to see through a task or situation. People us it interchangeably with “stressed”. This is not true…stress is a normal everyday occurrence that we can manage through things like regular exercise, rest, relaxation, laughter, joy, inspired learning, meditation, yoga…so many things.
Overwhelm is something different. Overwhelm to me is being paralyzed by opportunity or choice. I pile too many things onto my plate and then I feel my jaw tense, my skin vibrates, my mind races. In those moments I’m prone to bad moods, crying, anger, overeating, smoking…any vice that will fill the perpetual void – but none of those things solves the overwhelm and in fact makes it worse. When overwhelm sets in, I sit down and make a list of all the things I think I NEED to do…or a list of all the daunting tasks. I don’t rank them by importance, I rate them on a scale of 1-10 of joy. 1 is no joy, 10 is ultimate joy. Anything that scores less than a 6, I just give myself permission to let go. Sometimes quitting a thing requires a little attention. You might have to email someone, or delegate a task. If you think you can’t let it go…just ask yourself…”if you were to quit this, what are three things you’d need to do now to feel ok about dropping it off your list?” And if after that, you still can’t drop it off, make a list of three things you need to get it done. Then just hurry up and finish, and never say yes to that again.
Practice saying NO, no thank you, I don’t do that, I’m sorry but I can’t help you with that. No’s can really help avoid overwhelm in the first place. Once you’re in the overwhelm you really have to organize your mind, knock things off the list, and figure out how not to find yourself in that place again. And then you practice. Another good tool, never say yes to something in the moment. Say, “I’ll get back to you tomorrow or the next day with an answer” and then wait 36 hours. With some time, you will know whether or not something feels right.
Time management is also an important factor in not becoming overwhelmed. Time management isn’t about dictating every single aspect of the day. It means being aware of your moods, what do you feel like doing in the mornings vs the afternoons? Is this the right week for this difficult conversation? Today I’m feeling very tired, I think I’ll work from home…it’s ok. Set hard boundaries to protect the work / life balance. Do not sacrifice your family for your work. Don’t sacrifice your good health for the job.
Not becoming overwhelmed sounds overwhelming! It’s all a practice. Dedication to chasing joy. That is at the base of everything. Is this bringing me joy and how do I know what joy feels like? My best today is different than my best tomorrow, and is different than your best. We are all doing our best at any given moment, so be easy on yourself. Forgiving, even. Sometimes you’ll become angry…and then maybe you’ll recognize that as Not Joy. That is as important a recognition as a moment in which you feel eternally grateful and lucky.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.infillproject.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/urbaninfillproject/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/valerie.lane.716

Image Credits

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