Meet Vel Stacy

We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Vel Stacy. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Vel below.

Vel, first a big thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and insights with us today. I’m sure many of our readers will benefit from your wisdom, and one of the areas where we think your insight might be most helpful is related to imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is holding so many people back from reaching their true and highest potential and so we’d love to hear about your journey and how you overcame imposter syndrome.

Sometimes I wonder if I have really overcome it, but reflection has helped.

Taking time to look back and give thanks and appreciation for what I’ve been fortunate and curious to experience. I give thanks to God and the universe, spirits and ancestors for providing the blessings and the lessons.

My grandma used to always say to ‘give credit where it’s due’ so I am sure to pat myself on the back when I achieved goals and accomplishments. At least nowadays.

But even when the moments come (because they still come!) and I’m second guessing my worth- I acknowledge the truths pertaining to the situation and say them to myself, i take four deep breaths, or I take a walk if i can. Sometimes I talk it out if I’m in the right company and the moment allows.

Imposter syndrome can and probably does/will happen to everyone, but remembering that four deep breaths reset into reality is a big help.

At least that’s what’s helped me

Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?

I love to learn and try new thiings, so I’m no stranger to failure. I mean was it easy to leave the safety and security of the US navy to pursue being an actor? Kinda. And I never even dreamed of being singer- or did I??

I didn’t know what I really wanted in life when I got out of the military, but after eight years- it was clear that I wouldn’t find it cooking for the navy or being the career counselor, telling everyone to push for their dreams while I wasn’t pushing for mine.

Modeling gave me a special present feeling within myself and acting felt like the right next step. The decision was easy. Knowing that eventually I would reap those dark moments deeming me the often famed “the starving artist”, but I would eat noodles and PBJ everyday to see whatever this was through. And i often did- thank you 99cents store!

Now being perceived as a failure… that’s one of my greatest anxieties. Imposter syndrome is something that has plagued many of my moments and after different misdiagnosis of what later was ruled Audhd (meaning I display signs of autism and adhd, but not full spectrum of either) the intrusive thoughts can get VERY intrusive!

I grew up around addiction, abuse of all kinds- even being sexually assaulted at six.
then i was seven.
then I was eight.
It was not my fault. I told an adult. Nothing changed.
But when your default becomes to fawn, or freeze under pressure you don’t really fight for yourself very much. You just look for a way out. Or you sit in your room and sing out your feelings, you take all the free after school activities you can, you start dancing.
All the while focused on getting food and keeping the lights on- or getting them back on.
There were times I was looked out for family or by members of my hometown- some would even give us food out of their freezer and you never heard about it again. Franklin was a real special place when it wanted to be, lol.

But the predators— sheeesh they wouldn’t stop!

So I went for the opportunity to travel and free education. To be a fighter. A protector.

And then I was 19.

Nothing had changed. I just let him hold me down. ‘You’re supposed to take care of your man’, he told me. I just cried. Went to medical on the ship told them I was assaulted and nothing happened.

Oh I did it all to redeem myself from these- what I later learned- violations against my body. I even became a Sexual Assualt Victim Advocate, to help survivors find their voice again. Even though I never found mine.

That is what I loved so much about acting. I could give voice to a character and maybe reach someone through the way I told the story.

But even though I loved it so much. I still felt voiceless. Acting was fun- still is, and I love it dearly.

But music- that’s where i find my voice. That’s when the little boy that used to sing his feelings and write poems and love letters gets the moment to use the voice he was often too shy to use.

There are moments where I feel like I’m shining. Like the music is shining through me or something. I know it might sound silly, but its true.

And my dream is to perform music that has been created and shared through the way I tell stories and through my voice in a way that might reach someone and help them heal in some way.

That’s what my EP Hearts & Bruises and my upcoming album Hearts & Bruises 2 is about.

We all have hearts and they all get bruised, but there’s more than one way to look at things and there can be healing if you allow it.

And if you don’t want it, at least we can just vibe.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

1. My warm friendly personality!

I’ve been told on multiple occasions that I see the good in everyone and often are reminded that not everyone is my friend just because they are nice or kind to me. while sometimes you may find that they aren’t really your vibe or good for you at the end of the day, that perspective has allowed me to spark true genuine friends everywhere I go. Being someone who’s traveled a bunch and lived in many different places, including a couple different countries, that’s been what’s made my time in each place so much more enriching. And I have been blessed to have some sometimes surreal feeling opportunities in my career because of my friendly and inviting energy. Sometimes the deciding factor if you get the job or not is if they feel like they want to be in a room with you for that long.

2. Perspective> Problems.

Every cloud has its ‘silver lining’ and I am wired to find it! Sometimes the problem needs a little more serious attention than I tend to give it, but things always work out so it just doesn’t seem that serious sometimes.

Growing up, I would often take “hot spot wash ups” to clean myself for school. These would be in her bedroom at. the heater because “heating the whole house was for rich/white people”- anyway, I’m standing near the heater washing up and on the TV (that turned on every weekday morning around 6/630), there was usually a televangelist preaching or the news would be on. Then the Feed the Children commercials would come on and my little elementary school self would think “somebody’s life is worse than mine”. That mentality kept me sane in a lot of the dark days. There is always worse and better, it’s all in your perception of it.

It’s also allowed for my “let me see” attitude. -oh i can’t do that? let me see. wonder what that experience over there would be like- let me see.. can I leave the safety of the military and make it as an artist? LET ME SEE!

3. Resourcefulness

I grew up not having much often, but my family sure made a little go a long way sometimes. Like my Harry Potter housemates, Ravenclaw, I come through in the clutch with some idea of the clouds with what’s available to me and voila- white rabbit.

I also started cooking at six years old and have been known to whip up full meals with ingredients people didn’t even know they had, haha. I even won a cooking competition in Phuket, Thailand when I was a chef in the navy! Cooking is definitely one of my love languages

Who has been most helpful in helping you overcome challenges or build and develop the essential skills, qualities or knowledge you needed to be successful?

I want to say my mom, because- come on. she’s the best and gives me those “this is a hard pill to swallow, but it’s gonna make you stronger” lessons.

But I’m gonna have to say my therapist.

For a while therapy wasn’t working for me and I went through quite a few before I found one that didn’t immediately recommend pills.

But with the one I have now (since September 2021) I’ve gained not only tools to help through high energy or immense emotional states (like a panic attack), but I also can process things and have perspective shifts and gain confidence in my processing ability, which is sometimes a challenge in a neurotypical world.

I have healed so much past pain and found how to have a balanced fulfilling life and milking the good moments when I can.

I receive validation from my thought processing in ways that I thought I was broken.

I’ve found my voice again.

Contact Info:

Image Credits

Mark Hill, Natalia Borders, Taylor McWhorter, Santiago Paez M, Candice Vice

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