Meet Lindsay Gates Strawn

We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Lindsay Gates Strawn. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Lindsay Gates below.

Lindsay Gates, so good to have you with us today. We’ve always been impressed with folks who have a very clear sense of purpose and so maybe we can jump right in and talk about how you found your purpose?

I found my purpose when I was 16, although I couldn’t have articulated it at the time. It was more of a feeling, the wise language of the body. After school I worked at a high-end salon and would wash the hair of those that just clocked-out from a long day of work. I remember coming home to my mom and telling her that these adults were sharing with me some really profound and intimate details of their lives as though I was their peer. They also were making sounds of relaxation and I knew I was in a position where the roles felt reversed for a moment in time. My mom so keenly shared with me by saying, “in our American culture, we don’t have a lot of consensual, intimate touch. We are more of a culture that shakes hands instead of kisses on the cheeks. Personal grooming opens up a channel that invites vulnerability and going to the salon in America is a socially acceptable outlet to accelerate connection.” I was blown away. My mom has a way of dropping wisdom that I no longer take for granted! Hair and makeup opened the door for me into this world, and from there I began forging a path to help people on a deeper level from beyond the salon chair.

I am now a somatic relationship coach who teaches people how to trust themselves, embody authenticity, and experience true partnership. I am passionate about sharing body-centered techniques that help quiet the mind’s chatter, fostering a deeper presence in the body. This approach cultivates a rich relationship with oneself first, leading to balanced relationships in all aspects of life.

I became a cosmetologist ten years after I washed hair at my after school job, although my purpose is not just doing hair and make-up. My purpose is to help create safety and provide tools for people to connect with the wisdom of their bodies.Working as a hair and makeup artist has allowed me to follow this thread in a really beautiful way. I grew up in Springfield, Illinois and I knew my manifestation of living as my fullest, best-self was not going to happen there. With 7 years of bartending under my belt and my cosmetology license in my back pocket, I drove out to San Luis Obispo, California in my black two-door, ’99 Honda Civic with my cat. I didn’t have a place to live or work, but I knew one person and I figured they would notice if I went missing, so that felt safe enough for me. I found a place to live and a bar to tend in four days after arriving and I never looked back.

At 26, I felt simultaneously “behind” and liberated. One part of me was walking away from the mold that the majority of my mid-western, Catholic school friends were adhering to by settling down, getting married, having children, and investing in 401Ks. The part of me that felt liberated was allowing myself more access to quiet down the cultural expectations and connect to what is truly alive for me. Even though it felt like I was taking steps backwards, like continuing to bartend when I was “over it”, I was providing myself a foundation to build upon by earning money in a way that was familiar to me in an unfamiliar place. With this stability underfoot, I had afforded myself space to orient to more of the “unknowns” like growing as a hair and make-up artist in a new state.

I’ve looked at my choices as stepping stones: create enough stability to feel resourced enough to lay the next stone down in the direction that leads me home to myself.

I’ve also positioned myself to learn from empowered female mentors along the way. This is paramount to my growth journey because I had and have access to women I admire, who understand the ingredients that it takes to create a recipe for success in their zones of genius. My mom and dad provided more than can be measured for my brother and me and I am beyond grateful for how much they dedicated their lives to our rearing. No one can be everything for everyone and I knew for myself that I would benefit to look beyond my parents for the many flavors of role models I was seeking: entrepreneurial women who will pass along their wisdoms of grit and heart that it takes to help the most people possible, for the highest good of all. Present day, I have created a network of empowered female mentors and I attribute so much of my successes to them.

My first mentor Christine Thompson, owns the Aveda salon where I worked for 8 years in San Luis Obispo. I started out as her assistant and she gave me the tools which allowed me to develop the courage that it took to: accompany her to Mercedes-Benz New York Fashion Week, to go on-location with her and then eventually on my own to provide hair and make up services for photo and video shoots (which is how I paid for grad school, debt-free), to feel grounded enough to give myself a raise by sharing multiple times a day with clients that my prices are increasing. She appointed me as the salon’s mediator and “culture captain” and those leadership roles within my wheelhouse allowed for me to grow deeper roots within my own capabilities. Her encouragement was to look at my offerings as a business within a business. She reminded me to check-in with myself that I was working there because it fueled me, not because I was beholden to her. This approach allowed me to feel held and free at the same time. Having that imprinted on my nervous system really provided me with the spaciousness to invest in myself and ask myself, “What stepping stone do I want to lay down next? What else do I want to explore and learn that can add to my unique offerings?” Witnessing Christine strive towards her fullest expression to accelerate helping as many people as possible for the highest good of all, by opening ten salons in metropolitan areas across the world, named Spoke & Weal, signaled to me that I too can offer my services at a level that the Collective is craving.

While working for Christine I earned my massage practitioners certification and opened my own studio, I provided aesthetician services in the spa, and I earned my Masters of Science in Counseling from California Polytechnic State University. The powerful client consultation training and non-hierarchical business model that was implemented at the salon provided a blueprint that became my ticket into grad school. I was an outlier candidate for the small cohort but the chair of the program has shared with me many times that they harkin back to my unconventional interview where I likened my experience as a cosmetologist to that of a counselor. And with admittance to the program I placed my next stepping stone.

I pulled the thread of creating safety and connection by designing a role for myself as the Wellness Coordinator at the confidential sexual assault resource on campus. I am a victim-survior of sexual violence and I am intimately attuned to the journey and the importance of seeking trauma-informed support. I saw a gap in the very cerebral culture of the college that my holistic approach to connection could provide. Aveda offers “stress relieving treatments”, essentially a co-regulating practice, to clients when they arrive in the stylist’s chair. This manifests in the form of inviting the guest to lower their gaze, taking deep breaths, and receiving a head, neck, and shoulder massage with a “therapeutic” essential oil that cools and tingles while the aroma soothes and calms the nervous system. These tools quickly transition the guest into their body and out of the anxieties in their head about “almost being late because of traffic, not knowing exactly what they want their hair to look like, feeling like they look old in the mirror, and not scheduling proper time or budget for the treatments they desire”. As the stylist I leaned on these tools to set myself up for success by helping them to relax and ground, to then have a more coherent consultation with them. I lifted this framework from the salon and I created a program called “Treat Yo Self!”. I blended my first hand knowledge from the salon, with the holistic professionals from the county who I had sought support from on my healing journey, and invited them to campus to teach workshops to the students, faculty and staff. They focused on their self-care approaches to curtail burnout, which they attribute to their personal and professional successes.

All of my research in my MS program was centered around the power of self care. The radical responsibility that is needed to weave into the tapestry of every facet of life to bypass burnout. To fold in self-compassion, self-nurturing, and self-protection, such as boundary setting throughout the work day, studying, and interpersonal relationships. Unlike the auxiliary approach of “do your work first, then maybe you can reward yourself with self-care if you’re not too tired and can afford it. Oh, and push past burnout, there’s no time for that”. This research topic was also an outlier amongst my contemporaries, however it seemed to be the salve that could transcend all niches.

Within a year after graduation and working at the local community college, I knew traditional academia was not the avenue for me to authentically serve my expression of healing. The windowless rooms and bureaucracy of the college system were a stark contrast from the open-air salon, a staff that practiced deep listening, and had the ability to implement innovative ideas that met the client’s needs in-step with culture. It was a no-brainer that I needed to lay down another stepping stone.

I felt lit up from within when I heard my then-future teacher Layla Martin speak as a guest on one of my favorite podcasts. She spoke of her coaching methodology, the “Vital and Integrated Tantric Approach” (VITA) that teaches its students how to live a liberated life through de-shaming sexuality, claiming their shadows, and how to help others do the same. VITA offers tools such as breath work, guided meditation, self-pleasure techniques, yoni-egg practices, parts-work, guided meditation, and sounding to access your subconscious and overcome the obstacles and patterns that have been keeping you from living your fullest expression. It’s a “feel it to heal it”, desire-based approach infused with a tantric lens. Aliveness is accelerated by listening to the wisdom of pussy and womb, while dismantling the dogmatic systems of oppression. THIS was my next stepping stone!! THIS was my next empowered female mentor! THIS is the flavor of creating safety in the body to cultivate connection: connection to Self! Connection to the Collective! Connection to purpose! To come home to Self and find safety in authentic expression and truth for the highest good of all!

My purpose is to live my authentic expression. To embody my truth. To learn to love and befriend my perceived shadows. To practice embracing my edges. To find playfulness in patterns. To dance with the curves on my ever-changing body. To honor and voice my sacred “yes’s” and “no’s”. To model the beauty of boundary-setting. To intentionally invest in my relationship with my “Inner-Protector” and “Inner-Nurturer”. To delve deep into the mystical realms of yoni-egg healing! To compassionately move through my inner landscape with curiosity. To practice True Partnership with myself first and then with others, especially my husband Sean. It is my honor and privilege to offer my curated stepping stones to those who wish to walk hand-in-hand with me on this path!
If you want to learn more about how to work with me, please check out my website www.wolfandmooncoaching.com . I have a gift for you when you arrive at my site, so please download my free offering! I’d love to stay in touch on Instagram @wolfandmooncoaching where you will receive tools and the latest updates!

Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?

Lindsay Gates has worked with her teacher Layla Martin in Costa Rica at the Live Embodiment Retreats supporting hundreds of women, from all over the world, to connect with their soul’s truth. She supports the VITA students as an intern while they navigate this intense and life-changing coaching program. Her primary offering is working virtually for six months 1:1 with clients who desire to trust themselves more and embody True Partnership. Sharing the transformative powers of the ancient taoist Jade Egg practice is a modality that is near and dear to her heart. She is an certified Jade Egg practitioner and her intimate offering helps clients to strengthen the pelvic floor, help balance energy within the body, promote hormonal health, and connect folks with pussies with their sexual energy in a mindful, holistic way. Lindsay also offers in-person and virtual workshops on the Central Coast of California. Her upcoming offering is a free, 1 hour, virtual mini-class on September 11, 2024 at 12p PT to learn playful tools that help mitigate having an “anxiety hangover”. Sign up here: https://wolf-and-moon-coaching.ck.page/b773e8353c

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

The three areas that were most impactful in my life:
Having female entrepreneurial mentors: creating community and support from those that have more experience is key to success!
Continuing my education: from university, to certification, to sacred medicine ceremonies, to workshops, and retreats.
Saying “yes” to what lights me up inside, even when it’s unconventional!

The advice I have for folks who are early in their journey and are seeking improvement is to ask someone if they are willing to be their mentor to make a clear, consensual relationship. This sets both parties up for success by defining what each person is open for.
Continuing education can be signing up for a free class! You can join mine on September 11 😉 Being a life-long learner has so many benefits like networking, staying in tune to unconscious biases, and creating new neural pathways.
Take notice of what you’re passionate about, even if it’s outside of the culture mold. This is your one life, so be the main character!

Thanks so much for sharing all these insights with us today. Before we go, is there a book that’s played in important role in your development?

In 2015 my mom gave me the book “Come As You Are” by Dr. Emily Nagoski and it changed my life for the better! I was so touched and took it as a gesture that even though my Catholic school upbringing, as well as my dad and she, didn’t teach me a comprehensive sex education, that it’s never too late. There is such a gap in education because of shame, naivety, and embarrassment which then leads to lack of communication, confusion, coercion, trauma, more shame, and various iterations of pain.
Dr. Emily highlights the value in awareness of arousal non-concordance. In short, it speaks to the inaccurate assumptions that factor into rape-culture that genital responses are directly linked to desire and consent. This awareness reduces confusion and promotes a deeper understanding of one’s own and other’s sexual experience.
The difference between desire and pleasure is named in “Come As You Are” and plays and important role in the work I do as a somatic relationship coach. A lot of my clients have the misunderstanding that desire must precede pleasure. That if they aren’t “spontaneously aroused” as Dr. Emily refers to it, that “something must be wrong with them”. Normalizing that there is not one way to experience desire or pleasure is such a key component to reduce pressure and create space for enjoyment! Pleasure is what is felt, both emotionally and physically, while desire motivates. A lot of us don’t experience desire but we more easily access pleasure- its just about creating the best context for you!
This leads into her brilliant analogy of brakes and accelerators. Breaks are the stressors in life that slow down or stop sexual arousal and accelerators are the factors that stimulate it such as safety, connection, and context. My role as a sex-positive coach is to help to bring people home into their bodies. To illuminate where there are challenges and obstacles and how to address them and even befriend them. We are wired for connection and it starts with being attuned to ourselves first so we can experience more ease when connecting with others.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.WolfandMoonCoaching.com
• Instagram: @wolfandmooncoaching
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lindsaygates.strawn

Image Credits

Sarah Kathleen Photography