We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Romana Janoskova. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Romana below.
Romana , so great to have you with us and we want to jump right into a really important question. In recent years, it’s become so clear that we’re living through a time where so many folks are lacking self-confidence and self-esteem. So, we’d love to hear about your journey and how you developed your self-confidence and self-esteem.
So….first off, I have not always had confidence or self esteem! I have not always had many of the qualities that others would assign to me these days…structured, disciplined or mentally strong even. I very much lived and breathed the victim mentality all the way through into my mid 20s.
People tend to think that those who have confidence, self esteem, or are disciplined and mentally strong have either been born with these qualities, or they had a nice, secure, loving childhood, and as a result, were blessed with an inability to be a victim in life—- but both of these scenarios are far from the truth.
I was born in Slovakia to very young parents at the time—my mom was 18 and my dad was 22. She had a dream of getting out of the small time life and moving to America. So she took me with her and we moved to California just in time for 1st grade. I didn’t speak a word of English at the time either, so obviously this was all a pretty big shock. My mom and I were never particularly emotionally close but really only had eachother since my dad didn’t come and my entire family was back in Europe. I used to travel back and forth every summer and every winter until I was about 11, at which point our green cards expired and my mom skipped out on the court date which then immediately put us out for deportation. At the time this was happening, she had also gotten caught up in the glitz and glam of Hollywood because she was involved in modeling and the entertainment industry and all that came with that. There are a lot of missing pieces in this story that I just don’t know, but essentially, we struggled with money and couch surfed from one of her guy friends’ houses to the next. One guy who we stayed with for about 6mos lived almost an hour and a half away from my elementary school and because we didn’t have a car, my attendance was at the whim of whether or not he was feeling nice enough to drive me to school at 6am in the morning each day. I remember there was a period of about 2-3 weeks once where I just didn’t go to class because he was mad at my mom and didn’t want to drive me.
Fast forward, eventually we got a new apartment of our own closer to school, but I remember at one point we didn’t have hot water, gas, or really even any food. At one point, my friend’s mom sent her over with an electric water heater, electric plate for cooking, and a bag of groceries.
We then ended up getting evicted from that apartment and I decided to take it into my own hands to find myself housing. So I reached out to a classmate who was a year younger than me, so in 5th grade, and asked if I could come live with him. Mind you, I have never met his family or even been to his house before! But his mom said that we could try a sleepover for the weekend and see how it goes, and boom, It turned into my forever home.
My mom left me there with them and ended up going back to Europe. She said she’d come back and never did. She ended up having 3 other kids, all with different men. I haven’t seen my dad or any of my other relatives since I was 11 because everyone is still back in Europe and my immigration limbo status says if I leave the country I can’t ever come back. It was only because Obama passed the Dream Act that I was able to go to college here and only because of the DACA program, which gives temporary protection from deportation and work permits to undocumented immigrants who arrived in the US as children, that I’ve been able to stay here, work, and pretend to be a normal active member of society.
So, as you can see, it’s a lot.
I tell you this story because I want to make the point that I had gone through enough to justify victimhood. To justify low self worth, low sense of self, high insecurity, high abandonment issues, the works. And that was my reality for the greater part of my high school and college days. This upbringing has manifested itself into a range of toxic behavioral patterns in relationships, like a fear of abandonment that drove clinginess or a constant need for reassurance and validation. Or controlling tendencies, like trying to micromanage people or situations. I had trouble setting and respecting boundaries and I became overly dependent on partners or friends, and very early on into meeting them, typically.
I constantly worked my butt off to prove my worth and earn love through achievement (or a spot in someone life even) because I was terrified of becoming obsolete and being replaced. I was jealous when those closest to me had other friends or wanted to spend time doing something else besides being with me.
As you can imagine, all of this makes someone pretty difficult to be around, or to like, for that matter, so people left…which confirmed my insecurities through a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I’d say it took me until about 2020 to truly make any headway when it came to improving my self worth, becoming aware of my red flags, and the ways in which I was to blame for some of the ruined relationships and obstacles I faced as a result of poor emotional competency. I’d also like to put a disclaimer here that this is STILL and FOREVER WILL BE a work in progress….it is not a destination that is reached and maintained forever. It is something that you have to continue to train and strengthen, like a muscle, every single day. The more you learn, through reading, taking classes, listening to podcasts, having conversations with those who are where you want to be in a given area, the more tools you’ll have in your arsenal to then deploy in a given situation where an urge to repeat an old pattern comes up. Whether that pattern be “to respond with insecurity” or “to assume abandonment or rejection.” The goal is to collect as many tools as possible so that you are primed and ready for the biggest variety of situations as possible.
Fast forward—I decided to take a hard look at myself and see if by changing myself my relationships would change…well the joke was on me because it was through the commitment to that work that I ended up building a sense of self worth and confidence in my abilities!
I learned what it meant to love myself. Again, kinda cliche but your experience in this life is very very different when you gain a sense of who you actually are and are actually happy with that person.
And this happened because through taking action, my circumstances started changing. And because my circumstances were changing, my beliefs about myself and about my capabilities started changing.
RIGHT/ How could they not? The proof was there. I was doing work and it was getting me results. My body started changing once I learned more about training and nutrition and actually implemented the things I learned. My relationships with friends, with my boyfriend, started improving once I learned more about communication and personal responsibility and actually applied the tools I learned.
I started implementing new habits like reading, journaling, making to-do lists…all these things that all the ceo gurus talk about and, and these habits gave me a sense of control over my life…over life’s uncertainties, because I at least had my routine to stick to…to wake up for….And this discipline gave me a sense of pride because I kept hearing how implementing habits can be really hard for most people and I took that as a challenge!
I started studying myself so that I could understand why I do what I do, why I think the way I think, and why I behave the way I behave… because I started understanding that once I know what is going on in my head, I could begin to question if it was right or wrong, if it was for or against my benefit. If it was logic or emotion. And if it was holding me back then it was up to me to reprogram that thinking and that behavior. Which would then mean I was in complete control of my life and where it went. Because life is a result of your action (or inaction). Life still passes even if you decide to not do anything with it. So since I was unhappy with my circumstances, I wanted to see what power I had to actually change them. I needed to prove this to myself in order to believe that it was the case.
Now, I will say…I have taken ENDLESS courses and read endless books about self love and limiting beliefs and daily mantras and affirmations…. But I am of the school of thought that in most situations, and for most people…some sort of proof is necessary in order to start believing in something.
If all you have ever seen yourself do is the bare minimum then of course you will view yourself as a bare minimum effort person who is only worthy of bare minimum things. I didn’t want to sit around in that uninspiring place waiting for my “new mindset” to change my circumstances. I wanted something that I could control at the moment because the pain of my reality at the time sucked and I didnt like thinking that that was just how it was going to be because those were just the cards I was dealt. In my heart I could feel that my standards were higher for my life than the way that I was currently living. So I knew I needed to do something to change my circumstances and then in proving my new reality to myself, I could prove my self worth TO MYSELF.
Alex Hormozi says: “You don’t become confident by shouting affirmations in the mirror but by having a stack of undeniable proof that you are who you say you are. Outwork your self doubt.”
So that was what I did, what got me results, and what I continue to do to this day.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
I was exclusively a Personal Trainer for about 5 years before expanding that title to Strength + Lifestyle Coach 2 years ago. I did this because I started seeing that many of my clients were coming to me regarding wanting changes in their habits, mindset, and overall wellbeing, and not wanting to keep the focus on nutrition and strength training anymore. I am very open with my clients and build relationships with them all during our training time together, and so I think that this whole evolution happened because they started following my own personal development journey. I speak a lot about self-awareness, personal ownership, and discipline, and would fill them in on the things that I was learning and implementing in my life, and it would inadvertently influence them to want to take on a similar mindset or habit into their own life. Inspiration is the greatest vehicle for instilling change in someone.
I think the appeal of my work is that I live what I preach, and I don’t claim to be an “expert” in anything, but merely take people along on my own journey of growth and self development, and also help them see how their self-awareness and ownership are the keys to unlocking their own potential. Obviously, I have certifications, credentials, and experience under my belt, but I don’t view myself as “any better” any other qualified trainer who understands the basics of muscle growth, fat loss, functional movement, and eating nutrient-dense, whole foods. Working with me is a unique experience because, as my clients say, the shifts that they make in their mindset have been my greatest influence on them and helped propel them toward long-term SUSTAINABLE changes in their body and in their habits, rather than if I had given them a standard training and nutrition regiment with the cookie-cutter “calories in, calories out” explanation.
So now my personal training business has evolved into my brand, “Grow With Ro,” where people have access to several avenues of personal development. Besides the personal training, nutritional, and behavior change guidance, I also have my podcast, which is also called Grow With Ro. On my show I go back and forth each week between either solo episodes–where I share about my life and lessons I’m learning through lived experience, or I speak to guests whom I’ve built some sort of connection with about their own transformational personnel growth journey because I believe we have something to learn from everyone.
Then there is my course, Rooted, which helps people with insecure attachment styles break toxic relationship patterns and build fulfilling relationships. This course was a year in the making and launched this past July! I will likely open doors for enrollment back up sometime in October.
And lastly, I am currently in the midst of my 12-week Booty Bootcamp that offers participants the ability to work closer with a professional personal trainer without having money be a barrier for them. There is a whole community aspect, accountability calls, ancestral nutrition guidance, a prize raffle for those who complete it!.
I’m excited to see the first wave of results from this group, as well as to get the feedback from my first round of participants of Rooted. After that, I will build upon it all and make the whole program even better. I’d like to find a way to integrate the things I teach in my Bootcamp with the course in a holistic way. Stay tuned for how this will evolve!
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
1. Resilience: My ability to bounce back from challenges and setbacks is crucial. I remind myself often that an obstacle is not a stop sign, it is a left hand turn. If you were driving somewhere important and a tree fell In the middle of the road you wouldn’t think to yourself, “See, I never should have gotten out of bed today and tried to drive to this place. Guess I better go home now.” No—you’d turn around and make the next available turn and proceed on to your destination, even if it requires a new route.
2. Authenticity: Being unapologetically myself has been a game changer. Yes, it pisses a lot of people off, and yes, I may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I have found that the people who are on my wavelength aren’t ever threatened of off-put by this quality and instead take advantage of it by either coming to me for advice, for the truth, or looking to it as inspiration to be their most authentic selves. Those who are truly growth oriented see the value in this quality and are drawn to it because they want more of it in their own being.
3. Commitment to Growth: Staying curious and committed to constant growth has lead me to where I am today. You have the ability to curate your world and your reality, no matter what it is you want. Once you realize this, you’ll see that everything you want to know, have, or become is available to you via books, podcasts, courses, seminars, conversations–all you have to do is go seek out the information and follow the blueprint.
Awesome, really appreciate you opening up with us today and before we close maybe you can share a book recommendation with us. Has there been a book that’s been impactful in your growth and development?
Think and Grow Rich, by Napoleon Hill.
Every single time I want to give up on something, I think to myself, “What if I’m stopping just three feet from gold,” and It helps me keep going for another day. You never know what win could be lurking just around the corner.
Laws of Human Nature, by Robert Greene
Learn about people and how they communicate and you’ll learn how to be better at the game of life.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.growwithroro.com
- Instagram: @growwithroro_
- Linkedin: Romana Janoskova
- Other: Grow With Ro Podcast on all podcast streaming platforms
so if you or someone you know deserves recognition please let us know here.