Meet Kelly Lancarte

Hi Kelly , really appreciate your meeting with us today to talk about some particularly personal topics. It means a lot because so many in the community are going through circumstances where your insights and experience and lessons might help, so thank you so much in advance for sharing. The first question we have is about divorce and how you overcame divorce and didn’t allow the trauma of divorce to derail your vision for your life and career.
Divorce is never easy. It isn’t easy to experience, talk about, or write about. No one plans for their marriage to end. But for many stay-at-home moms, divorce becomes an earth-shattering reality. My divorce served as a catalyst for personal growth and a fresh start.  This life altering event opened my eyes to the potential of a bright future that I would not have had if I had remained married. In 2018 after twenty-five years of marriage, I started my life over. I realized I had been selling my dreams short for years, so made a firm commitment to reclaiming my life. I am embracing the chance to explore new interests and create a life that aligns with my newfound independence.

I have to start by providing context—I was married by the time I was 20 because that was the culture I was raised in. Getting married young was expected and encouraged. That line from the 1996 movie, “Jerry McGuire,” where Dorothy says to Jerry, “You complete me,” captures the expectation many of us held back then. We thought a man would complete us. At the age of 45, while recuperating from a stroke and coping with my recent divorce, I realized that what I believed to be true was actually a lie.The journey of self-discovery and self-fulfillment is unique to each of us. I have learned that I possess everything I need to complete myself.

Faith is deeply personal and holds significant meaning for many individuals. My faith and spiritual awakening saved me. I would not be here today if it were not for God’s grace and mercy. I had a physical and mental breakdown that nearly cost me my life.The mental and physical were interconnected.  God’s light saved me when I was in the darkest of storms. Isaiah 43:2 says, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and when you pass through rivers, they will not sweep you over you. When you walk through fire, you will not be burned, the flames will not set you ablaze.” There was something more significant than the storm I was in. I learned to navigate the rough waters of fear, anxiety, and uncertainty and courageously sail toward a big, beautiful life. The voyage was where the transformation occurred.

Throughout my life, my family has been my greatest source of support, always standing by me through any challenge. They have truly been my biggest champions. Their support reminded me I was never alone in my journey.  My parents have been married for fifty-three years and have a solid foundation that helped to feel the stability I needed. My parents reminded me to stay true to my roots. It took me some time to tap into my passions and strengths. That is where I found my authentic voice. I remembered I come from a long line of strong Mexican women who defied the odds and built legacies from the ground up. I had no room for excuses and chose to forge a new path.

As a parent, I also felt so supported by my children, Kent, Isabella, and Paul. My three amigos are my whole heart. The four of us lived together until last year. We learned how to hurt together, how to hold space for one another, and allowed each other to be where we were in our journey without judgment or trying to fix each other. It was not easy. We found comfort in the kitchen cooking, creating, laughing, dancing and at times crying. We have a shared love for all things Marvel, so when things were tough, we were cozy on the couch with popcorn and junior mints, binge-watching the Avengers series. We navigated rough waters and found a new normal. I am so proud that each one of my children is thriving.

I have been so fortunate to have an incredible group of women in my life, too.  These amazing women are my for-lifers, support system, advisory board, and those I would stand beside in battle. These women have supported me every step of the way. These women created a safe and sacred space where I could be myself.  They have reminded me of my true self when I lost sight of it.  These women have stood by my side, offering unwavering support, even during my most vulnerable moments, without judgement or abandonment.  They cooked, laughed, cried, and processed with me. I am who I am today because I have a solid group of women who are my sisters and community. I like to say that we all climbed the mountain together.

I underwent extensive therapy, including at Onsite in Nashville, where I learned there was no a bullshitting the hard work. The path to my recovery only came from facing my struggles head-on. Through therapy and Onsite’s guidance, I rediscovered my joy and purpose, often experiencing laughter and deep reflection. My time at Onsite felt immersive, and I gained the insights I needed to avoid making the same mistakes. I understood that awareness of the path we choose and making that choice are two different things. Ultimately, taking charge of my story’s narrative was up to me.

Looking at my part was essential in my healing. I knew the only way to build endurance was to endure the pain. I delved deep into my heart and soul and confronted my true feelings with complete honesty. I had to starve the distractions in my life to gain clarity and resilience. I had to do the work to see my role in the breakdown of our marriage. It was lonely often, but I kept choosing growth over comfort. Owning and embracing my vulnerabilities is where the light came in. Like Brene Brown said, “Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” Having walked through that darkness, I couldn’t agree more!

Practical tools, like writing, reading, and painting, along with healthy habits like functional medicine and yoga, have been incredibly healing. It is so true that the body keeps score, and my body kept the score. I had to reevaluate everything about my life and create a new routine. I’m so glad these were not one-time activities but have become part of my daily practices.

In the past five years, I’ve learned that I don’t need another person to make everything alright for me. It is no one else’s responsibility to take care of me but me. I don’t have to wait until I’m in a relationship to be complete. That strength comes from cultivating self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-care and recognizing and embracing one’s own worth. Those are truths that I’ve grasped that have helped me move forward. I’m so thankful I can also teach others what I’ve learned. Women do not need a man to be happy. But, we do need each other. I want every woman to know that!

It’s surreal to be on the other side. I have learned the art of forgiveness and letting go. Today, I am thankful for the life my ex-husband and I shared. We grew up together. Twenty-eight years together, three children, and an unlimited amount of wonderful memories. In those twenty-eight years, I learned how to love. It is where I discovered my love of fishing, the outdoors, and adventure. It is where I developed my faith. It is where I cultivated community. It is where I learned how and when to let go. I wish my former husband the best, and I’m so proud of the three adult children we raised.

And the final step in overcoming divorce has been to dismantle my limiting beliefs about dating at 50. Dating has changed a lot since 1990. Can I get an amen! I am not playing by the rules of the current dating culture. I have the chance to explore new possibilities with gained wisdom, life experience and a clear sense of who I am. It will be a grand adventure if and when someone comes into my life. I am not waiting for a prince charming to come sweep me off my feet. I am living a big, beautiful life with or without a partner. My priority is loving myself first. From this inner abundance, love can flourish out of the overflow of my heart. This part of my story is still unfolding!

The healing journey was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it was completely worth it. I am still on the journey and discovering more each day. I have never felt more free. I’m finally living out Ralph Waldo Emerson’s advice, “Do not follow where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and make a trail.”

Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
In my role as the Director of Public Relations and Marketing at Joe T. Garcia’s, I feel a great sense of fulfillment. Not only do I get to work alongside my family and build upon our exceptional legacy in the restaurant industry, but I also have the privilege of serving my community through philanthropic opportunities. I owe my desire to give back, in part, to my parents, who have always led by example. Their selfless service and open-heartedness have inspired me to make a difference in the lives of others.

I am passionate about helping women in our community launch their legacies. I want to live in a world where women are not for sale. My friend, Melissa Ice is the Director and Founder of the Net FW. She is a powerhouse. She is facing life with creativity and tenacity that has shaken Fort Worth to its core. It is a joy to serve on the Advisory Board for The Net alongside her and her team. The mission of this organization is to combat sex trafficking and create uplifting relationships with survivors as they strive to rebuild their lives. Through developing a compassionate rapport with these individuals, listening to their stories, and supporting them every step of the way, they have experienced firsthand the immense impact of positive human connections.

I am also very excited to be partnered with the Fort Worth Hispanic Chamber of Commerce. With Anette Landros leading the charge as the President and CEO of the chamber, I’m humbled to contribute to this change-making team. Her leadership and problem-solving expertise have brought significant progress to the community; there is much more to come. Being a Mexican woman, I’m glad to serve our Fort Worth community more thoroughly and bring more attention to how Latino culture fuels local businesses.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
First, I am working on being present instead of trying to be perfect. That’s the best advice I can give—you can’t change the past, and you can’t control the future; you can only be here now. Learning to appreciate and live in each moment has helped me immensely.

Second, stay away from energetic vampires. What I mean is it’s so important to surround yourself with people who will bring out the best in you. There will always be people who want to keep you as the victim—they will feed on negativity and keep you focused on everything that has gone wrong. But people who care about you will have your healing and best at heart.

Third, know when it is time to let go. This took me time to practice. Letting go of the past and letting go of expectations. Letting go opens doors to a brighter future. Whether it is in relationships or business, the art of letting go brought me peace and opened up new opportunities. You cannot force someone to love you. You cannot force a business decision. Cultivate instead a mindset of not holding on tightly to things that no longer serve you.

Alright so to wrap up, who deserves credit for helping you overcome challenges or build some of the essential skills you’ve needed?
Absolutely it was my family. My parents gave me a solid foundation of family, faith and a strong work ethic. My Dad is known for saying, “It’s showtime; let’s rock and roll!” I think having that mentality instilled in me has been invaluable. It reminded me that I get to choose how I show up in my life. My Dad modeled passion fueling motivation and enthusiasm.  This is the driving force pushing me to pursue my dreams. Hard work on the other hand, is the key to turning those aspirations into reality.  The choices I made and actions I take today are shaping the path I will walk tomorrow.

Of course, my great-grandmother’s legacy. She immigrated to Texas in the early 1900s from Michoacán, Mexico, with no more than a 6th-grade education, a tireless work ethic, and a love for family. She had grit that led her to overcome life’s punches again and again, and what determined her story. It’s more than just who she was as a matriarch, it was who she was to me and my siblings growing up. Mamasuez lived with my family, helping raise us while my parents were at Joe T’s helping run the family business. She had a strong Catholic faith and a special reverence for her patron saint, Mary. Her faith, devotion, and love shaped me forever.

Every morning, before the break of daw, Mamasuez would diligently tend to our enchanting home garden.  With care and devotion, she would water the plants, nurturing our collection of fresh herbs and also vera.  However, the true pride of her horticultural masterpiece lay in her meticulously cultivated rose bushes.  The daily ritual was more that a routine for her: it was her way of life.  As she sang well melodies to her beloved flowers, I learned the invaluable lesson of finding profound beauty in the simplest of pleasures. Mamasuez’s unwavering dedication to her garden taught me to cherish and appreciate the small wonders that grace our lives.

The aroma of her homemade flour tortillas and potato flautas, accompanied by fresh salsa, lingers vividly in my memory.  Her culinary creations were irresistible, leaving us craving more! Beyond her delicious recipes, she shared captivating stories of her early life., recounting the hardships she faced while picking cotton alongside her father and brothers at a tender age.  She also spoke of the challenges she overcame as a young widow.  Despite these incredible struggles, her unwavering determination was evident in her desire to serve and nurture her family.  Mamasuez’s resilience and dedication have left and indelible mark on our family’s legacy, shaping our values for generations to come.

The kitchen has always held a special place in my heart as I grew up loving the time I spent there.  It is a space where laughter, music, and connection thrive. Every Sunday, you will find us at my parents with Mana or Alejandro Fernandez serenading us as we embark on preparing our beloved Sunday family dinner. As we chop and prepare recipes from generations past, kids drift in and out of the kitchen in anticipation of a delicious feast. Each one of us is determined to create the best dish of the night, resulting in a level of friendly competition that adds a vibrant energy to the atmosphere. Our kitchen has been the backdrop for countless delightful moments, creating vivid and cherished memories. Beyond its role as a space for cooking, our kitchen servers as a gathering place where we honor our Hispanic culture, share laughter, enjoy great wine, and indulge in the pleasure of delicious food.

The memories forged within my family over the years have played a fundamental role in shaping my identity today.  My parents and great-grandmother infused my life with hard work, faith, resilience, and a deep appreciation for our Hispanic roots and culture. The time spent in our family kitchen remains a cherished part of our tradition, where we gathered to cook, share stories, and make beautiful memories. The sense of community, love, and happiness that emanated from these occasions continues to resonate within me.  I am deeply grateful for my supportive network of loved ones who has served as my guiding light, leading me through life’s various challenges and triumphs.. They are my North Star!