We recently connected with Chloë Black and have shared our conversation below.
Chloë, we are so appreciative of you taking the time to open up about the extremely important, albeit personal, topic of mental health. Can you talk to us about your journey and how you were able to overcome the challenges related to mental issues? For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.
I live with both PTSD and C-PTSD (complex) from adverse childhood experiences and domestic and sexual violence in young adulthood. People who score high on the ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) test are also much more likely to suffer from autoimmune diseases. In addition to the mental health challenges I face, I also deal with chronic illness. I believe the two are so intertwined that, as a society, we need to start thinking more about how they relate—how you can’t have a healthy body without a healthy mind.
It took me an incredibly long time to understand what I went through and to stop blaming and shaming myself. Until a couple of years ago, the only therapy I had was creating music, which has been a critical outlet for me. Writing about traumatic experiences helps me process and understand them better. By turning that pain into art, I feel like I’m reclaiming control over my own narrative. Unfortunately, though, music alone wasn’t enough to pull me out of the depths of extreme anxiety, depression, nightmares, and dissociation.
A couple of years ago, after a particularly traumatic series of events, I didn’t think I would survive what I was going through. Most of the time, I didn’t even want to survive it. The shame I carried felt too heavy. My physical health deteriorated alongside my mental health, and my heart was so stressed and in pain that I often thought I might have a heart attack.
What ultimately helped me survive and recover to the point where I’m happy to be alive—and incredibly proud of myself—was a tapestry of things. Getting therapy was critical. Seeing a psychiatrist and getting much-needed medication for depression and nightmares was just as critical. These weren’t issues I could think or meditate my way out of, and I believe we should start viewing psych medications as being just as life-saving as insulin. In my case, they were life-saving.
Reading as much as I could about psychology, abuse, and the various conditions I struggle with empowered me tremendously. This knowledge helped me identify what had happened and what I was experiencing. I was also recently diagnosed with ADHD, and that diagnosis has helped me understand myself better and stop carrying shame for things that are simply part of my neurotype.
There is incredible freedom and power in knowledge. It also helped to see how common and well-documented my experiences are. I realized that my reactions and behaviors, which I had been ashamed of, were not “insane” but perfectly normal and understandable responses to terrible situations. This not only made me feel like I wasn’t “broken” but also helped me feel much less alone.
The final critical thing that saved my life was support.
Shame has been shown to be physically painful and can absolutely kill you. In my case, the shame and pain I experienced made me retreat. I didn’t want to be seen by people. I was constantly terrified, and over time, I developed severe agoraphobia. Many days, I would check the door lock countless times, and the anxiety I felt when the door was opened, or when I heard a delivery person or any noise outside, was overwhelming.
As I began to realize through therapy that the shame I was carrying belonged to the abusers and not to myself, I started socializing a bit more. Gradually, I was able to come out of the isolation I had been living in. As I started healing and my PTSD symptoms improved, so did the agoraphobia. I’ve also been careful about who I choose to spend time with, surrounding myself only with people who make me feel safe. I’ve had to let go of certain relationships.
I also found comfort and refuge in nature. I started small, finding new reasons to carry on. Sitting quietly, watching and interacting with birds, or admiring simple things like trees, was one of the first ways I began to see the beauty in the world again—not just the darkness.
Going through all of this has only strengthened my desire to create music and connect with people. I know I am not unique. My story is shared by countless people around the world.
I’m still healing, and that may be a lifelong journey. I still struggle with chronic illness, but I’ve noticed my body healing in some ways, too. Certain struggles I face due to PTSD, like nightmares or being triggered into extreme fear by certain things, may always be part of my life. But I’ve now managed to balance the scales with positive things. My relationships and my relationship with myself are so much healthier and more mature now, which has given me a new resilience. I’ve experienced post-traumatic growth—a phenomenon currently being researched. I now have a newfound gratitude for what some might consider small or simple things. I’ve done what once felt impossible to me: I’ve turned my shame into pride. Surviving such an extreme mental health crisis has made me feel strong, and no problem will ever be as hard as the battle I fought against shame and traumatic stress. I’ve found meaning in those dark experiences by putting them into my art, and I’ve learned to ask for help.
They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I think that adage applies to mental health crises as well. It takes support to climb out of the depths of darkness, and you aren’t a “burden” when you open up and ask for help. If someone makes you feel like you are, they’re just not the right person to ask.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
I’m a bilingual singer and songwriter who has been signed to multiple major labels over the years, including Warner, Sony, Epic, and RCA. Currently, I’m signed to a small boutique label founded by Nick Gatfield, who famously signed Amy Winehouse and Coldplay. Elton John has played my music twice on his Rocket Hour radio show.
I play both piano and guitar and have sung in 21 different languages, with plans to explore even more. My music can be described as alternative pop or “sad girl pop,” though my releases have been quite diverse—possibly due to my ADHD—so it’s hard to pin down an exact genre.
I have an 8-song EP coming out on November 7th, which is the first major body of work I’ve ever released! The collection of songs on this EP all, in some way, explore the effects of narcissistic abuse. I know that many people silently suffer from narcissistic abuse and live with the resulting mental health challenges. I’m excited to connect with other survivors through this music. This is an issue that isn’t widely understood or discussed, and through my music, I hope to spread more awareness.
Since July, I’ve been releasing one single per month, which has been a challenge because, in addition to writing and performing the songs, I also create the visuals myself. I handle the filming and editing, and I’ve even been making costumes, building sets, and doing my own makeup and wigs. As music budgets have gotten smaller over the years, I’ve gained the skills to do whatever needs to be done. It’s amazing what you can achieve with time, passion, and online tutorials.
The next single comes out on Friday, October 25th, and it’s the perfect angsty Halloween anthem. My hope is that it resonates with anyone who has ever been hurt by someone—which is probably everyone!
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Three qualities that helped me on my journey are:
My extreme honesty and self-awareness
Empathy, especially learning to have it for myself, not just for others
My ambition and perseverance to learn and better myself
One of the most transformative concepts for me has been ‘Radical Acceptance.’ I’ll paraphrase something I once read online: if a snake bites you, you don’t stop to explain to the snake why you didn’t deserve to be bitten, nor do you hang around asking it why it bit you or why snakes even exist—you just rush to get the antidote.
I’ve experienced online bullying, harassment, and received threats because internet trolls don’t believe I was assaulted or abused. I’ve learned to accept that it’s not personal—it’s not about me. Even if they were given all the data, statistics on false reporting, and scientific knowledge, some people would still choose not to believe me or think I deserved what happened. Not everyone has empathy, and accepting that fact, along with the understanding that you can’t change them, is freeing.
In terms of skills, there are tools for managing anxiety that can be helpful, like grounding techniques—listing things you can see, smell, hear, and touch in the room—or various somatic exercises. However, I’ve found that you have to figure out what works for you personally. For me, when I get triggered, it helps to walk or exercise to burn off the cortisol. I no longer sit still when I’m triggered—I move my body and try to exhaust myself in a positive way.
Creativity, in any form, can also be incredibly healing. We often think of creativity as something only certain people can or should do, but I disagree with that. Problem-solving is a form of creativity, and most of us engage in it daily. I consider baking or cooking to be creative. It’s the act of being creative, not the end result, that is therapeutic.
My advice for people early in their journey of healing from trauma, especially sexual violence, is this: It’s okay if you don’t feel brave or proud. It’s okay if you feel frightened, sad, angry, or ashamed. It’s okay if it feels like you’ll never get past the pain or become the strong, brave, courageous person that survivors are often told they need to be. I used to get mad when people called me brave because I didn’t feel like I was or could be. Healing is incredibly gradual, and it’s okay to grieve what happened forever.
If you keep living, even when you don’t feel like it, keep expressing your feelings—no matter how dark—and keep talking, writing, or creating, while trying not to be hard on yourself, you might eventually reach a point where you feel brave and proud. But putting pressure on yourself to be okay is counterproductive. People want to hear the positive side of a story—the silver lining. There’s a lot of toxic positivity out there that can make people suppress their real feelings. Being honest with yourself and others about where you truly are will ultimately be far more positive than faking it or forcing it.
External metrics of success, like wealth, are superficial and temporary. They don’t determine your worth as a human being. For me, if I’m growing as a person, healing, learning, and staying open-hearted, then that’s constant success.
Make mistakes, learn, grow, and move forward—not for the sake of capitalism or the opinions of others, but simply because you have the ability to do it. That’s a gift, and it brings lasting rewards.
Awesome, really appreciate you opening up with us today and before we close maybe you can share a book recommendation with us. Has there been a book that’s been impactful in your growth and development?
Dr Ramani Durvasala has been helpful for me in terms of understanding clinical narcissism, narc abuse, family and relationship dynamics and how the world enables abuse and often rewards narcissists.
She has a best selling book called ‘It’s not You’ as well as a youtube channel that are both very validating for anyone who has been through it.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://chloeblack.komi.io
- Instagram: chloeblackmusic
- Facebook: chloeblackmusic
- Twitter: chloeblackmusic
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@chloeblackmusic
- Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/chloeblackofficial
Image Credits
Paul Mauer
Benjamin Newton
Lillie Hand
Byron Gamble
so if you or someone you know deserves recognition please let us know here.
