We recently connected with Heather Abbasi and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Heather, we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?
Developing my confidence has been an almost life-long journey for me. It was not an easy one given the start I had. I grew up in a house that made me feel stupid, ugly and gross and have many experiences similar to this, having been raised by narcissistic abusers and having little support at school or with friends. Anything I wanted for myself was made impossible because I was belittled or straight-up not supported or nurtured at all. The constant stress caused a lot of weight gain and made it a lot harder to be seen as valid given that society does not understand or care very much for those who have gained a little weight, no matter how valid the reason or if it is the fault of the individual or not. It wasn’t until I was able to see I was in a bubble of dysfunction and hatred at 15 years old that not only do I deserve the world but I am so smart and beautiful as we all are in our own way. That was only the beginning of my ambition to be my most confident self. I still worked at it for several years, reminding myself that the voices of the past are not the reality I live in. After surviving all that through the larger portion of one’s young life, that is still a tough mountain to climb. I had to learn to ignore opinions I didn’t agree with and actively change the narrative around body image and used that as fuel to pursue a career as a plus-size model and singer. Nothing makes you feel more confident than being able to sing in front of a large crowd of people and show up for photo shoots as my most authentic self without shame to show the world that all bodies are beautiful and no one should be counted out for being different. We should be celebrating differences and uplifting the beauty in them. We are all different and not all full-figured people are couch potatoes that eat nothing but fried food. We are real people, trying our best and being as healthy as we can at any size, just like everyone else.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
As a plus-size model, influencer and digital creator, what I find most exciting is that I get to live out my dreams while doing my best to make an impact on the world for the better. I like to address things such as how society views plus-size people, changing that to a more positive narrative and mental health. I love more than anything to inspire others to love themselves and live life the way it should be, without insecurities. I am also very privileged to work with some of the brands I have aligned myself with because they are planet forward, cruelty-free and women owned. I aim to live sustainably, ethically and with women’s empowerment and care of nature at the center. It makes me feel good to showcase my talents but I also love to use them with purpose and integrity. I don’t use or promote anything I wouldn’t use, wear and love on myself or my family. I especially love Phat Barbies Clothing, Auselily Clothing and The Henna Guys henna hair dye and all natural hair solutions. I enjoy using ethical make-up and other vegan products as well as re-wearing and upcycling fashion. It is very nice that a lot of my work can be made and produced at home yet, I am making room for upcoming model gigs that involve travel and being on commercial sets as well as singing again publicly since I seized and fell in December of 2016. I’m open to some new experiences and growing further as the type of model I am and more. Hope to continue to work for brands with heart while I expand and grow in my profession.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
First, I had to get out of my own way and shut down all the negativity I had endured and instead listen to what my heart wanted. I was miserable trying to fit into a box that people who claimed they loved me wanted to see me in. Even after I escaped the trauma, I still had so much self-hatred and doubt and had all but accepted my fate as a cashier for the rest of my life. It came to a point 5 years into working retail. I decided that after almost 20 years of heartache and mistreatment that come what may, I was going to spend the rest of my life the way I wanted to. It was going to be as fun and beautiful as I could make it. Recovery from this loveless and seemingly hopeless life was and still is the heartbeat of my daily life. For me, that meant pursuing singing full-time and through previously mentioned unfortunate events, modeling / influencing full-time.
Second, I had to develop a lot of confidence in a short amount of time. There is no room for lack of confidence if you want to develop as a recording artist and especially more so as a plus-size model. You have to be willing to be vulnerable, put shame in the past and self-doubt behind you. I know first hand that it is so much easier said than done but taking charge of my story in that way planted the seed of confidence that I am fortunate to have today. When you put yourself out there like this, being a plus-size woman or just a woman in general, you get a lot of hate, projected insecurities and jealousy thrown at you when you have a social presence. You have to know within yourself that you are love and beauty incarnate and radiate that out into the universe and never ever let anyone make you feel undeserving because of some dumb opinions. You are not one size fits all and are not here to live a mediocre life. And don’t you dare try to fit in when you were born to stand out! It is harder for those who have survived domestic violence, all types of abuse and neglect as I have. I had to really love myself and learn to be my own high-key best friend. My best motivation is cultivating the life I deserve and show other survivors most of all that they can do it too. I had zero support, told I was nothing, made to feel stupid and kicked when I was down a lot by what should have been my support-system for years and I believed it all and lived like a slave to those people. I am determined to overcome and show myself and those out there with a similar story that those who hurt you are wrong and you deserve to live the life of your dreams and recovery is possible. It’s not easy but you will be so much happier that you embraced your gifts and left the haters in the dust!
Third, and most importantly, Never Ever Give Up and Always Stay Coachable! Perseverance, consistency and open-mindedness along with willingness to learn and try new things combined will get you places you never thought you would go and often, they are the most rewarding adventures you will ever experience. Unfortunately, this is a lot of inner work and it takes a long time for anyone on that journey, let alone, those with poor self-image. Go easy on yourself when trying to become the person you always wanted to be. But don’t you dare let anything stop you from becoming that person, not even your own mind.
Who has been most helpful in helping you overcome challenges or build and develop the essential skills, qualities or knowledge you needed to be successful?
My husband, fur-baby, wonderful select friends and family have all been my best support system. My husband more so because he lives with me and is my biggest fan despite having me around almost constantly and having to help me with this or that while he is quite busy running a business himself. Luckily, I help him in return and somehow, it works well. He doesn’t care how much I need to practice, even when I think I’m being annoying about how well I want something to go or that the right message gets across. I am fortunate to have found my family and tribe to lift each other up and be authentic with. If you don’t have the people in your life that support you like you support them, especially as a creative, you need better friends! It took a lifetime to find those special people who didn’t think I was crazy for aspiring to more than to go along with the crowd. If we all had at least one spark from within ourselves to be more than expected, we can move mountains! That being said, nothing beats a high-powered team of ambitious people looking out for each other with love. All holding each other accountable with encouragement to get out of the comfort zone and achieve something extraordinary for you. I honestly think if I had that sooner, my career hopes would have come to pass much sooner. Although, I am still grateful for the journey. I learned a lot along the way that I wouldn’t trade for the world. I found my peace in these people and animals and am grateful for that part of my life that lead me to them, no matter how much it hurt before.
Contact Info:
- Website: http://verifiedmodel.co/HeatherAbbasi
- Instagram: @heatherskyeabbasi
- Facebook: heatherabbasi.mermaidmelodies
- Linkedin: Heather Abbasi
- Youtube: Heather Abbasi
Image Credits:
Andrew Abbasi & Heather Abbasi
