Meet Alicia Kitamura

We were lucky to catch up with Alicia Kitamura recently and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Alicia, so happy to have you with us today and there is so much we want to ask you about. So many of us go through similar pain points throughout our journeys and so hearing about how others developed certain skills or qualities that we are struggling with can be helpful. Along those lines, we’d love to hear from you about how you developed your ability to take risk?

Fear is a lousy reason to not do something.

I don’t remember my first panic attack. I just remember that they started interfering in my teen years. Sometimes I would be hanging out with friends, having a good time, and then BOOM: suddenly I feel light-headed and sick, and a tingling sensation is running all over my arms, face, teeth. I have to lie down while my friends, who were having a party, are now focused on me, on the floor, being weird.

The attacks subsided, but reason they were happening didn’t. It stayed silent and sinister.

Let me explain OCD. Obessive Compulsive Disorder is an anxiety disorder. Some people seem to think this disorder is a superpower that gives you the ability to solve crimes. (Which I probably can, but I don’t want people to THINK that I can).
On the outside, someone with OCD can look like a quirky but detail oriented person.
On the inside, OCD is a tornado of unsettling, intrusive thoughts making you question who you are. It comes with an intense feeling of dread, and you are compelled to counteract it with behaviors that are often unrelated to the anxiety. Even though you KNOW that snapping your fingers, changing your breathing pattern, tapping, weird guttural noises etc. has NO effect on whether or not something bad happens, somehow it tricks your brain into thinking that you’ve fixed a problem and everything is going to be okay… for about two seconds. That’s the silent, sinister part. Silent, until the compulsions get increasingly noticeable: writing without letting any lines touch on the characters, singing really loudly in public, being weird.

To make a long story short, I got counseling and medication, and I am able to manage life better. The OCD is still there, an ever present tension in my brain.
Oddly enough, this constant companion has helped me to take risks.

In fighting OCD, I have to practice not reacting to it. It feels like a risk to walk away from my car when I want to check the locks one more time. It feels risky to wash my hands only once. It feels like I’m leaving the door open for something bad to happen. But as I take those risks my brain is able to learn two things: 1) I did something risky and nothing bad happened. or 2) Something bad happened, and I survived.

It’s been 24 years since I was diagnosed. Since that time I have moved to Los Angeles with no job, worked on a TV show, had jobs where my bosses loved me, had others where I bombed, I directed an award winning play, co-directed a movie, had another project fall through, and asked my roommates for help paying rent. I’ve succeeded and failed, and I believe I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?

I am a writer with a strong caretaker personality. I write introspective stories about emotional damage, faith struggles, and strength, hoping to help isolated people heal or at least know they are not alone.

When I work as an actress or a director I love digging into the unconscious beliefs of a character. I find it’s easier, relaxing even, to access a character’s choices that way.

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

Humility, Courage, Faith

Humility
In my heart I know humility is a struggle for me, especially when I’m in a work environment. I want to prove that I have it all together. I want to be the hero. But humility is crucial both for success and to keep success from making you a jerk. Humility means you ask for help when you need it. It means you give genuine praise to other people’s success. It means you make other people look good. You respect every part of the team as equally valuable. Those are all ways to develop humility.

The people I’ve encountered who are not humble act insecure. Insecurity says, “If I don’t succeed, I’m not okay. I’m not safe. I’m not valuable.” These are false beliefs that can make us desperate, rude, impliable, hostile or abusive. Humility doesn’t grow when weeds of insecurity choke it out. Refusing to believe the lies of your insecurities gives space for humility to grow.

Courage
I don’t like being afraid of things, so I try to do things that scare me.
A close friend of mine says, “I refuse to live my life in fear.” It’s something I hold onto when I have the opportunity to do something uncomfortable. When developing courage, have patience with yourself. Celebrate every little victory. You’ll have plenty of times when you decide you’re not ready. Don’t shame yourself for that. Just promise yourself that you WILL do it one day, ready or not.

Faith
This one is deeply personal for a lot of people, so I’ll just speak from my experience and glean what you may. I have faith in a good God who values human beings so much that He not only died for them but He continues to fight for them, in a world where they continue to destroy each other. That’s a lot to unpack, and I realize that many people don’t agree, and fewer see the connection with how that helps you in life. I’ll try to explain briefly. The way we see God, even the concept of “god,” strongly influences what we believe about ourselves, our purpose, other people, and the world we live in. Our beliefs about those things determine our reactions and attitudes. Do we react to catastrophe, violence, and failure with hope? despair? a mix of both? Do we view our purpose as ultimately bigger than ourselves? out of our hands? a mix of both? What is our responsibility to other human beings? What do we do when our actions don’t match what we THINK we believe?
With faith you have something to calibrate your moral compass to and consequently your sense of self. Working in the entertainment industry, it makes a HUGE difference.

Okay, so before we go we always love to ask if you are looking for folks to partner or collaborate with?

Currently, I am working on a sci-fi tv pilot with a mostly deaf cast. I’m looking to collaborate with deaf writers, and filmmakers in the entertainment industry.

Contact Info:

• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alicia-joy-leblanc/
• Other: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm4251331/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0_tt_0_nm_2_in_0_q_Alicia%2520joy%2520leblanc

Image Credits

Olite Photography for the headshot.

Laughing photo – Grant Moore
Handprint – no credit
Poster – Grant Moore and Embrace Entertainment
Awards photo – CLEARANCE PENDING